Find a common language with the boss. How to get along with your boss. Why Respect a Leader?

Once, in my youth, I read a book, the content of which had long since disappeared from my head, except for one episode: the secretary, before carrying the prepared coffee to the boss, always spat in him ... I remember it shocked me - to what extent you need to hate the boss, to do so. Later, of course, I heard many complaints about the bad, and even unbearable character of the boss.

What can be advised here?

It seems to me that if the boss causes obvious antipathy, then it is better to leave.

Well, well, if leaving is impossible, then you need to try to build relationships.

First of all, change your own perception of this person. Find all the positive things in it.

If this is a private company, and your boss is its owner, then he deserves respect at least for the fact that he created it, gave you personally workplace and pays money.

In addition, we must not forget that the boss is not a native of hell, but earth man. And since he is a man, then there is not only bad, but also good in him. And your task is to make him turn to you with the bright side.

To do this, try to get rid of the accumulated resentment. Repeat to yourself as often as possible: “I forgive my boss (Ivan Ivanovich). My grievances melt like snow under the sun.

Think about what happy man, as a rule, is kind, therefore, if your boss is rude, irritable, then your boss is unhappy. Have pity on him, as you pity a homeless dog, a helpless kitten from the gateway. Set yourself up for pity and compassion.

Remember - you often give to the poor?

I'm sure not. And you have to submit...

In addition, you can serve not only food and other material things, but also kind words and care. Serve all this to your boss, and you will not only get closer to heaven, but also to the heart of your boss, to a good relationship with him.

Also try to find out what he is interested in, what he loves, what he has a weakness for, and at the first opportunity, talk to him about this topic. If he gets carried away and starts telling you about his hobby or favorite dog, just listen. A good listener is highly valued by people.

Many people say that flattery helps, but I do not agree with this. Rough flattery, on the contrary, can repel.

Even if your boss is a woman, don't overdo it with compliments.

A man with a female boss can build a good relationship if you just be gallant, obligatory and a little romantic ...

True, if the boss is a tyrant, she will also swallow coarse flattery.

If you are a woman, then in front of a female boss, you should not prove to her that you are younger, more beautiful, more desirable. This is exactly the case when modesty adorns a person. A modest employee will more easily establish an even relationship with her boss, get more high salary and she will have more chances for promotion than a "mega-star" demonstrating her virtues.

In general, tact, willingness to help, respect, the ability to see and appreciate other people's merits and achievements almost always help in communicating with superiors and colleagues.

Bosses are different, often unpredictable. A soft and docile person can be a tough nut to crack or even a tyrant. What to do? Take a closer look at your boss, understand his features and try ... to benefit. Here are the most common types of bosses.

TYRANT. This leader, with his onslaught, resembles a tank, which, for any reason, starts up with a half turn. for him it's okay. This is the most unpleasant type, but not the most difficult.

• You can get along with the "tank" if you master the combat technique. He loves active and assertive subordinates, so in the presence of the boss, pretend that you are on fire at work. The maneuver will help, if not to avoid conflict, then at least soften the blow.
• When answering the questions of the seething chef, look him straight in the eye, speak clearly and to the point, stay calm and confident. Sensing real strength, the “tank” will most likely choose another target for shelling.

FATHER NATIVE. He takes care of his subordinates like a father: they have brand new computers, and there are enough tables and chairs for everyone. It would seem, live and rejoice! But even in this case, problems are not without problems that begin when one of the employees tries to show independence without asking for “parental blessings”. It is worth admitting that you want, for example, to move to another department, as the boss begins to throw thunder and lightning, accusing you of rebellion.

• Therefore, before you do anything, convince your boss that you have grown as a professional only thanks to his sensitive leadership. After such praises, he is likely to let go in peace.

THIS IS NOTHING. Paradoxically, there are leaders who are terrified of responsibility. You bring documents to him for signature, and he says: “This business endures. We'll get back to him later." As a result, the paper "marinates" for weeks. Sensing that they are dissatisfied with him at the top, such a boss can turn the arrows on his subordinates - this is where the biggest danger lies.

• From the very beginning, try to insist on a clear design of your official duties so that the boss understands exactly what you are responsible for.
• Build your relationship with him only to keep your distance and not take on someone else's work, so to speak, out of friendship.

In fact, there are many more types, and each has its own drawbacks. But leaders are not elected. Therefore, try to constructively approach the solution of the problem.

1. Understand for yourself that absolutely bad people do not exist. If a person was able to become a leader, and you are still subordinate to him, then he has qualities that you do not have, and he has a lot to learn.
2. Your boss is probably rooting for the cause, and his goal is not to ruin the work, but to improve it. Become an ally and see how soft and fluffy your boss can be.

Irina Davydova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Relations with the boss are always a separate issue: for some, they develop immediately and proceed in a friendly manner, while someone, to put it mildly, does not like his immediate boss or, even worse, simply hates him. Different characters, aspirations, achievements, goals, sympathies - any of the characteristics can cause discord.

So how do you get along with your boss? Read on site 10 Best Ways to Build Relationships with Your Boss .

• Respect
  Agree that it is not always fair that he was appointed the head, and you have been working as a specialist in the same place for 10 years, and perhaps he is younger than you. Then why are you still sitting, not expressing your preferences and wishes? Perhaps you need to be more proactive?
  Of course, every company is different. But let's try to look at this question from the other side.
  First, analyze why this particular person became your boss. Maybe he speaks loudly or holds himself confidently? Maybe his appearance is conducive to communication or is he a professional in his field? Examine the various facets and find the positive aspects of his leadership. Psychologists remind that leaders are the same people with their own weaknesses and human life. Think about what your boss is interested in, what hobbies he has, with whom he communicates. Respect is your first step to success!
• expectations
  Estimate what the boss expects from you?

  

• Tell your boss only good news
  If you constantly approach him with a problem, he begins to consider you one of his big problems. Disguise bad news as neutral, and present neutral as very good. Let the boss remember you as a messenger of good news, and then career advancement and an increase in bonuses are guaranteed.
• Be on the lookout
  Actively participate in meetings, meetings, trainings. Express your opinion. Offer ideas, analyze working moments aloud, offer options and ideas - your way of thinking will distinguish you from your colleagues, even if they understand more than you, but are silent. Show actively your work, putting the boss in a copy in uncertain situations or when you need to emphasize your professionalism.
• Follow the dress code
  If this is accepted in the company, it is necessary to follow the dress code, even if your profession does not involve meeting with clients.
  
  
  Often, employees of various specialties “forget” that I work in the office - hair, manicure and dress code will make you more attractive, self-confident, and therefore reliable (do not forget about it).
• Praise
  The boss is also a person. Once again praise him if his project was a success. The main thing is not to overdo it. A simple phrase - "You did it great" will be noted in the eyes of the leader. Read also:.
• Assessment of the situation
  You should not strain the boss over trifles once again, it is better to turn to a colleague once again for a question or wait for a convenient moment. If there is an emergency at work, wait out the time with signing a vacation or sick leave.
• Don't gossip
  Do not spread gossip about your boss - someone in the team will still give out your secret and all the words that will be said to your boss. Believe me, especially if you are a good specialist, many will want to take your place, and the manager will want to get rid of you and raise the one who will report to him about all the changes at work.
  
  
• Don't Compare
  Do not compare the new boss with the previous one, because you have already worked with the last one, got used to it, talked, got to know him. The new boss is always "alien" at first. Over time, you will get used to it and, perhaps, it will become better for you than the previous one.
• Make everything easy
  Even if there is a lot of work, and you sit out periodically - do not show that it is hard for you, that you are a burden. Get things done, answer the phone at the same time. Be multitasking and light. Read also:

Tatiana was an amazing, highly motivated manager in international organization which is headquartered in Washington DC.

After getting promoted and taking leadership position, she inherited a small team of employees. Her immediate subordinates were very categorical, cynical, straightforward and hostile to management. In truth, the whole team was immediately very skeptical about the new leader.

The situation was further aggravated by the fact that many of them held the same position for more than 10 years, without receiving meaningful feedback and without feeling their importance.

Tatyana decided to get down to business seriously. She was resolute in her intention to ensure efficiency and build morale. But neither one nor the other aroused enthusiasm among subordinates. Tatyana's office was located several floors above where her employees worked, in a spacious building, which once again emphasized her high position and alleged remoteness from mere mortals. With this status-based organization of the space, Tatiana felt uncomfortable, so she decided to personally deliver the mail (which was first brought to her office) to the workplaces of her employees, located three floors below.

According to standard working procedure managers sent e-mails to subordinates to collect mail and other work papers. Tatyana was determined to demonstrate respect and camaraderie with her hiking. This was typical of her style; her choices and actions reflected her natural gentleness of character.

What did the subordinates think? They were furious. The new boss is unbearable! She clearly has no trust or respect for them. And how, one wonders, did they come to this reinforced concrete conclusion?

"She's watching us! they said. “Instead of calling us to her office for mail, she brings it here so she has an excuse to spy on us.” These data were enough for them to prove their theory.

Let's forget this story for a while and move on to another hemisphere, to the vast expanses of Australia.

When I arrived there to speak at a conference, I was invited to tour the area near Maroochydore, a charming coastal town in Queensland. Shortly after we started the bus tour, a driver named Paul, a local resident specially hired to lead the tour, pointed to something in the distance - he saw a "roo" (as the Australians call a kangaroo) there. Obsessed with the desire to see the wild roux, I began to peer intently. To my horror, out of habit, I could not see the roux against the background of the local landscape.

When the trip came to an end, Paul asked if I was satisfied. I thanked him for his amazing work and for introducing us to his native land, but admitted that the unsuccessful attempt to see the roux disappointed me. Paul reassured me: "I think we can think of something for you." When everyone disembarked, he told me to stay on the bus, and we went to the nearby University of South Queensland, where seventy or eighty wild roux roamed the campus. As soon as we arrived, we immediately noticed two lovely animals basking in the sun. Excitement overwhelmed me, and then I asked an absurd question:

Can I crawl closer and pet him?

Not a problem, buddy, he replied in his imposing Australian manner.

Getting down on all fours, I imperceptibly (at least I now really like to think that it was so) crawled up to the bushes, made a strategically necessary circle around the roux, and, remaining unnoticed, took up a position directly behind them.

Dizzy with my own success, I reached out to the larger roux and touched his back.

Somehow I managed not to notice that the smaller roo was a baby. Mom was obligated to protect him. Clouds suddenly gathered over me.

Ru-mother obviously did not expect my appearance behind her back and was dumbfounded. She jumped up on her hind legs and began to circle around me like a boxer ready for a fight. From somewhere far away, the even voice of my guide was heard: “Now crawl away ... quickly.”

I managed to stay safe and sound. However, I made no further attempts to strike up a friendship with a kangaroo.

And so we naturally come to the question of why many leaders have such a dislike for management. Both the story of Tatyana and my story about ru are illustrations of the mysterious Great Bardak, which is usually called the Directorate.

I propose to consider the following comparisons:

Why such discrepancies between intentions and interpretations? Are these examples the only ones of their kind, or worse, are they typical, underlying our existence?

I would prefer not to answer this question. But you have to, solely for the sake of your professional success. A typical relationship between intent and interpretation is as follows:

My intention → Your reaction → Distortedunrecognizable result

Yes, dear reader. These inconsistencies really make up the very essence of our lives.

I will give a brief summary. People hate management because it drains and prevents other important tasks from being completed on time. And besides, there is a misconception that in order to become a good leader (and get that coveted VIP parking spot), you allegedly have to force yourself as a person into a predetermined pattern.

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  Eliminate destructive leadership

Unfortunately, our career does not always depend on the level of education and availability business qualities. If you rank the most common reasons for leaving work, then one of the first places will probably be the inability to find a common language with the boss.

Many people are simply not ready to adapt to the complex nature of the leader. They run away from another conflict in the hope of finding mutual understanding with the new bosses, but they also end up with their own "cockroaches" in their heads ... It turns out a vicious circle. A professional, forced to constantly quit because of problems with high-ranking officials of the company, gradually loses faith in himself and turns into a chronic loser, who finds it increasingly difficult to find a normal job.

According to psychologists, with almost any boss, a subordinate will eventually have friction. Even between specially selected members of space expeditions, conflicts happen, to say nothing of ordinary people who, by chance, ended up in the same office. This means that we must learn to build constructive relationships with the leader we have at the moment.

Of course, the easiest way is to give free rein to righteous anger and slam the door loudly. It is much more difficult to be able to find an approach to the boss in order to keep both the job and the sense of self-respect. And for this, first of all, it is necessary to look without hatred at the person in the director's chair and try to understand his personal characteristics.

Who are you, mister boss?

To begin with, try to observe those who manage to get along with the boss. What is their secret? It will probably be useful for you to adopt some of the director's favorite tricks. Moreover, we are not necessarily talking about the ability to skillfully suck up ... For example, pedantic leaders especially appreciate employees who scrupulously carry out the tasks assigned to them, and it is very important for a manager who is not too self-confident to feel the initiative and support of his subordinates. So prove to your boss that you can be useful: express your opinion at meetings, demonstrate your readiness, if necessary, to insure the boss in a difficult situation.

Try to understand the goal your business commander is aiming for. Knowing it, you will be able to speak the same language with the manager, present in time promising projects, which will surely provide you with the trust of a high-ranking like-minded person. It is also important to respond constructively to the ideas of the boss, even if they, in your opinion, are far from ideal. In general, effective interaction with those on whom your career depends is a real art.

I respect you!

It is not necessary to be on friendly terms with the boss, the main thing is to find traits worthy of respect in his character. Your sympathy for him must be sincere - there is, of course, a certain category of bosses who are greedy for rude flattery, but if you are dealing with an intelligent person, he will immediately feel false.

It is useful to use such psychotechnics: every morning, when you are going to work, pronounce self-hypnosis formulas, always trying to imagine how you shake hands with your boss with a smile and see an expression of sympathy on his face, then discuss business issues in a calm, friendly atmosphere ... By the way, the technology of this positive self-programming has been described by many practical psychology gurus, such as Dale Carnegie.

diplomatic conversation

Finding an understanding with the boss in many cases allows a heart-to-heart talk. The main thing is to choose the right time and place for a sincere conversation so that the leader is in good mood and no one could interfere with your explanation.

It is very important to be able to be a diplomat. Let's say the boss is going to entrust you with a case that you categorically do not want to do. Instead of saying “no!” right away, first listen to his opinion and even agree with him. After that, try to reasonably explain to the boss why, say, it is more profitable for him to entrust this project not to you, but to someone else. Aikido masters act in a similar way: unlike followers of other martial arts, they do not meet the attacker with hard blows and defensive blocks, but friendly take the opponent by the arm and walk beside him for some time, in order to then gracefully release the enemy in peace. And he flies, as if after a spectacular throw ...

Do not be afraid!

You can cause aggression of the leader by your fear. It is no coincidence that insecure people, even if they can cope with official duties are often the first to be abbreviated. On the other hand, many people must have met workers who were by no means masters of their craft, who managed to play roles that were beneficial to them.

Try to figure out the reasons for your own fear of the authorities. Perhaps, having once experienced a painful dismissal, now you are subconsciously afraid to experience the same thing again? In any reproach and even the glance of the boss, you see a terrible sentence, you inflate every minor mistake to the scale of an irreparable tragedy ... Start working on yourself by allowing yourself the right to make mistakes - as you know, only those who do nothing do not allow them. Each failure enriches us with valuable experience.

It is important to understand that the leader is an ordinary person who also has flaws and phobias. It is likely that you yourself endowed your boss with non-existent qualities that inspire you with awe. To get rid of the frightening image of the leader, psychologists advise trying to imagine him in some kind of ridiculous form, for example, in a clown costume or apologetically justifying himself to his wife.

Active protection

Know how, if necessary, to be and look like a strong, self-confident person! Strength can be expressed in the high competence of a specialist, in the fact that he is aware of his value and relevance. As a rule, such an image saves its owner from problems with his superiors.

In some cases, it is important to put the boorish leader in place in time so that he does not choose you for the role of a whipping boy and does not acquire a bad habit of loading you with unscheduled work. Of course, often the fear of losing a place prevents us from protecting ourselves from unmotivated rudeness. “If I refuse to go to work this weekend, I could be fired. BUT new job it’s hard to find these days, ”says an accommodating employee who is exploited by the boss as a slave on the plantations. But you should know that not always a timely defensive reaction on the part of a subordinate leads to his dismissal. On the contrary, in many cases, having shown character, a person deserves the respect and sympathy of the boss. So, if you immediately calmly and firmly refuse processing or remind you that additional hours must be paid as required labor law, this, most likely, will not cause an outburst of indignation in your address.

However, if your boss is a tyrant who takes pleasure in humiliating his subordinates, an exploiter who squeezes people like lemons, or just an overly emotional person, you will have to defend yourself. There is general rules self-defense, which it is desirable to adhere to. First of all, try to talk to your boss face to face. Having provoked a public conflict, you will not leave the leader a choice - he will have to show you the door in order to save face. It is advisable not to become like the boor who attacked you and speak calmly with the screamer, arguing your position. However, some managers take seriously only those who know how to operate with profanity as beautifully as they do, while correct words cause only a wry smirk in such characters. So if you are not afraid, try to stop the rude man with a strong phrase from his own vocabulary. It is possible that you will be rewarded with an astonished respectful look from your boss. Good luck!