Short stories by Mikhail Zoshchenko. Funny stories from the collection "The Most Important" Mikhail Zoshchenko. Do not lie

Mikhail Zoshchenko

Funny stories for children (collection)

Stories about Minka's childhood

A history teacher

The history teacher calls me in a different way than usual. He pronounces my last name in an unpleasant tone. He deliberately squeaks and squeals, pronouncing my last name. And then all the students also begin to squeak and squeal, mimicking the teacher.

I hate being called like that. But I don't know what to do to prevent this from happening.

I stand at the desk and answer the lesson. I answer pretty well. But in the lesson there is the word "banquet".

- What is a banquet? the teacher asks me.

I know perfectly well what a banquet is. This is lunch, food, a solemn meeting at the table, in a restaurant. But I do not know whether such an explanation can be given in relation to great historical people. Isn't this too small an explanation in terms of historical events?

– Ah? the teacher asks, screeching. And in this "ah" I hear mockery and disdain for me.

And, hearing this "a", the students also begin to squeal.

The history teacher waves at me. And gives me a deuce. At the end of the lesson, I run after the teacher. I catch up with him on the stairs. I'm so excited that I can't utter a word. I have a fever.

Seeing me like this, the teacher says:

I'll ask you more at the end of the quarter. Let's get three.

“That's not what I'm talking about,” I say. - If you call me like that again, then I ... I ...

- What? What? the teacher says.

“I’ll spit on you,” I mutter.

- What you said? the teacher shouts ominously. And, grabbing my hand, he pulls me upstairs to the director's room. But suddenly he lets me go. He says: - Go to class.

I go to class and wait for the director to come and kick me out of the gymnasium. But the director does not come.

A few days later the history teacher calls me to the blackboard.

He softly pronounces my last name. And when the students begin to squeal out of habit, the teacher hits the table with his fist and shouts to them:

– Shut up!

There is complete silence in the classroom. I mutter the task, but think of something else. I think of this teacher who didn't complain to the principal and called me in a different way than before. I look at him and tears form in my eyes.

The teacher says:

- Don't worry. At least you know the three.

He thought that I had tears in my eyes because I did not know the lesson well.

With my sister Lelya, I walk across the field and pick flowers.

I collect yellow flowers.

Lelya collects blue ones.

Behind us is the younger sister Yulia. She picks white flowers.

We deliberately collect this so that it is more interesting to collect.

Suddenly Lelya says:

- Gentlemen, look what a cloud.

We are looking at the sky. Silently a terrible cloud is approaching. She's so black that everything gets dark around her. She crawls like a monster, enveloping the whole sky.

Lelya says:

- Hurry home. Now there will be a terrible thunderstorm.

We run home. But we run towards the cloud. Right into the jaws of this monster.

The wind blows up suddenly. It spins everything around us.

The dust is rising. Flying dry grass. And the bushes and trees bend.

What is the spirit, we run home.

Now the rain is falling in large drops on our heads.

Terrible lightning and even more terrible thunder shake us. I fall to the ground and, jumping up, run again. I run like a tiger is chasing me.

That's close to home.

I look back. Lyolya drags Yulya by the hand. Julia is crying.

Another hundred steps - and I'm on the porch.

On the porch, Lyolya scolds me why I lost my yellow bouquet. But I didn't lose it, I abandoned it.

I say:

- Since such a thunderstorm, why do we need bouquets?

We hug each other and sit on the bed.

Terrible thunder shakes our dacha.

The rain drummed on the windows and roof.

You can't see anything from the rain.

By Grandma

We are visiting grandma. We sit at the table. Lunch is served.

Our grandmother sits next to grandfather. Grandfather is fat, overweight. He looks like a lion. Grandma looks like a lioness.

The lion and the lioness are sitting at the table.

I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has gray hair. And a dark, surprisingly beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.

They bring a bowl of soup.

It is not interesting. I probably won't eat this.

But they bring pies. It's still nothing.

Grandpa pours the soup himself.

As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:

- Just one drop for me.

Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drips one drop of soup into my plate.

I am embarrassed looking at this drop.

Everyone laughs.

Grandpa says:

“He asked for one drop himself. So I fulfilled his request.

I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I almost cry.

Grandma says:

- Grandpa was joking. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.

I do not give my plate and do not touch the pies.

Grandpa says to my mom:

- It bad child. He doesn't understand jokes.

Mom tells me:

- Well, smile same grandfather. Answer him something.

I glare at my grandfather. Quietly I say to him:

“I will never visit you again…

I am not guilty

We go to the table and eat pancakes.

Suddenly, my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I roar.

Father with glasses He has a serious look. Beard. However, he laughs. He says:

See how greedy he is. He is sorry for one pancake for his father.

I say:

- One pancake, please eat. I thought you were eating everything.

They bring soup. I say:

“Daddy, do you want my soup?”

Papa says:

- No, I'll wait until they bring sweets. Now, if you give me sweets, then you are really a good boy.

Thinking that for sweet cranberry jelly with milk, I say:

- Please. You can eat my sweets.

Suddenly they bring a cream to which I am not indifferent.

Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:

Please eat if you are so greedy.

The father frowns and leaves the table.

Mother says:

“Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.

I say:

- I will not go. I am not guilty.

I leave the table without touching the sweet.

In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer of cream in his hands.

Father says:

- Well, why didn't you eat your cream?

I say:

- Dad, let's eat in half. Why should we quarrel over this?

My father kisses me and feeds me cream from a spoon.

chlorophyll

Only two subjects are interesting to me - zoology and botany. The rest is not.

However, history is also interesting to me, but not according to the book we are going through.

I am very upset that I study poorly. But I don't know what needs to be done to prevent this from happening.

Even in botany I have a triple. And I know this subject very well. I read many books and even made a herbarium - an album in which leaves, flowers and herbs are pasted.

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Mikhail Zoshchenko
Funny stories for children (collection)

Stories about Minka's childhood

A history teacher

The history teacher calls me in a different way than usual. He pronounces my last name in an unpleasant tone. He deliberately squeaks and squeals, pronouncing my last name. And then all the students also begin to squeak and squeal, mimicking the teacher.

I hate being called like that. But I don't know what to do to prevent this from happening.

I stand at the desk and answer the lesson. I answer pretty well. But in the lesson there is the word "banquet".

- What is a banquet? the teacher asks me.

I know perfectly well what a banquet is. This is lunch, food, a solemn meeting at the table, in a restaurant. But I do not know whether such an explanation can be given in relation to great historical people. Isn't this too small an explanation in terms of historical events?

– Ah? the teacher asks, screeching. And in this "ah" I hear mockery and disdain for me.

And, hearing this "a", the students also begin to squeal.

The history teacher waves at me. And gives me a deuce. At the end of the lesson, I run after the teacher. I catch up with him on the stairs. I'm so excited that I can't utter a word. I have a fever.

Seeing me like this, the teacher says:

I'll ask you more at the end of the quarter. Let's get three.

“That's not what I'm talking about,” I say. - If you call me like that again, then I ... I ...

- What? What? the teacher says.

“I’ll spit on you,” I mutter.

- What you said? the teacher shouts ominously. And, grabbing my hand, he pulls me upstairs to the director's room. But suddenly he lets me go. He says: - Go to class.

I go to class and wait for the director to come and kick me out of the gymnasium. But the director does not come.

A few days later the history teacher calls me to the blackboard.

He softly pronounces my last name. And when the students begin to squeal out of habit, the teacher hits the table with his fist and shouts to them:

– Shut up!

There is complete silence in the classroom. I mutter the task, but think of something else. I think of this teacher who didn't complain to the principal and called me in a different way than before. I look at him and tears form in my eyes.

The teacher says:

- Don't worry. At least you know the three.

He thought that I had tears in my eyes because I did not know the lesson well.

Thunderstorm

With my sister Lelya, I walk across the field and pick flowers.

I collect yellow flowers.

Lelya collects blue ones.

Behind us is the younger sister Yulia. She picks white flowers.

We deliberately collect this so that it is more interesting to collect.

Suddenly Lelya says:

- Gentlemen, look what a cloud.

We are looking at the sky. Silently a terrible cloud is approaching. She's so black that everything gets dark around her. She crawls like a monster, enveloping the whole sky.

Lelya says:

- Hurry home. Now there will be a terrible thunderstorm.

We run home. But we run towards the cloud. Right into the jaws of this monster.

The wind blows up suddenly. It spins everything around us.

The dust is rising. Flying dry grass. And the bushes and trees bend.

What is the spirit, we run home.

Now the rain is falling in large drops on our heads.

Terrible lightning and even more terrible thunder shake us. I fall to the ground and, jumping up, run again. I run like a tiger is chasing me.

That's close to home.

I look back. Lyolya drags Yulya by the hand. Julia is crying.

Another hundred steps - and I'm on the porch.

On the porch, Lyolya scolds me why I lost my yellow bouquet. But I didn't lose it, I abandoned it.

I say:

- Since such a thunderstorm, why do we need bouquets?

We hug each other and sit on the bed.

Terrible thunder shakes our dacha.

The rain drummed on the windows and roof.

You can't see anything from the rain.

By Grandma

We are visiting grandma. We sit at the table. Lunch is served.

Our grandmother sits next to grandfather. Grandfather is fat, overweight. He looks like a lion. Grandma looks like a lioness.

The lion and the lioness are sitting at the table.

I keep looking at my grandmother. This is my mother's mother. She has gray hair. And a dark, surprisingly beautiful face. Mom said that in her youth she was an extraordinary beauty.

They bring a bowl of soup.

It is not interesting. I probably won't eat this.

But they bring pies. It's still nothing.

Grandpa pours the soup himself.

As I serve my plate, I say to my grandfather:

- Just one drop for me.

Grandpa holds a pouring spoon over my plate. He drips one drop of soup into my plate.

I am embarrassed looking at this drop.

Everyone laughs.

Grandpa says:

“He asked for one drop himself. So I fulfilled his request.

I didn't want soup, but for some reason I'm offended. I almost cry.

Grandma says:

- Grandpa was joking. Give me your plate, I'll pour it.

I do not give my plate and do not touch the pies.

Grandpa says to my mom:

- This is a bad child. He doesn't understand jokes.

Mom tells me:

- Well, smile same grandfather. Answer him something.

I glare at my grandfather. Quietly I say to him:

“I will never visit you again…

I am not guilty

We go to the table and eat pancakes.

Suddenly, my father takes my plate and starts eating my pancakes. I roar.

Father with glasses He has a serious look. Beard. However, he laughs. He says:

See how greedy he is. He is sorry for one pancake for his father.

I say:

- One pancake, please eat. I thought you were eating everything.

They bring soup. I say:

“Daddy, do you want my soup?”

Papa says:

- No, I'll wait until they bring sweets. Now, if you give me sweets, then you are really a good boy.

Thinking that for sweet cranberry jelly with milk, I say:

- Please. You can eat my sweets.

Suddenly they bring a cream to which I am not indifferent.

Pushing my saucer of cream towards my father, I say:

Please eat if you are so greedy.

The father frowns and leaves the table.

Mother says:

“Go to your father and ask for forgiveness.

I say:

- I will not go. I am not guilty.

I leave the table without touching the sweet.

In the evening, when I am lying in bed, my father comes up. He has my saucer of cream in his hands.

Father says:

- Well, why didn't you eat your cream?

I say:

- Dad, let's eat in half. Why should we quarrel over this?

My father kisses me and feeds me cream from a spoon.

chlorophyll

Only two subjects are interesting to me - zoology and botany. The rest is not.

However, history is also interesting to me, but not according to the book we are going through.

I am very upset that I study poorly. But I don't know what needs to be done to prevent this from happening.

Even in botany I have a triple. And I know this subject very well. I read many books and even made a herbarium - an album in which leaves, flowers and herbs are pasted.

Botany teacher says something in class. Then he says:

Why are the leaves green? Who knows?

There is silence in the class.

“I’ll give an A to someone who knows,” the teacher says.

I know why the leaves are green, but I am silent. I don't want to be an upstart. Let the first students answer. Besides, I don't need an A. That she alone will stick around among my deuces and triples? It's comical.

The teacher calls the first student. But he doesn't know.

Then I casually raise my hand.

“Ah, that’s how it is,” the teacher says, “you know. Well, tell me.

“The leaves are green,” I say, “because they contain the dye chlorophyll.

The teacher says:

“Before I give you a five, I need to know why you didn’t raise your hand right away.

I am silent. This is very difficult to answer.

“Maybe you didn’t remember right away? the teacher asks.

No, I immediately remembered.

– Maybe you wanted to be higher than the first students?

I am silent. Shaking his head reproachfully, the teacher puts a five.

In the zoological garden

Mother is holding my hand. We are walking along the path.

Mother says:

Let's see the animals later. First there will be a competition for children.

We're going to the site. There are many children there.

Each child is given a bag. You need to get into this bag and tie it around your chest.

Here are the bags tied. And children in bags are put on a white line.

Someone is waving a flag and shouting "Run!"

Confused in bags, we run. Many children fall and roar. Some of them get up and run away crying.

I almost fall too. But then, contriving, I move quickly in this bag of mine.

I go to the table first. Music is playing. And everyone clap. And they give me a box of marmalade, a flag and a picture book.

I walk up to my mother, clutching the gifts to my chest.

On the bench, my mother cleans me up. She combs my hair and wipes my soiled face with a handkerchief.

After that we go to see the monkeys.

I wonder if monkeys eat marmalade? You have to feed them.

I want to treat the monkeys with marmalade, but suddenly I see that there is no box in my hands ...

Mom says:

We must have left the box on the bench.

I run to the bench. But my box of marmalade is no longer there.

I cry so that the monkeys pay attention to me.

Mom says:

They must have stolen our box. Never mind, I'll buy you another one.

- I want this one! I shout so loudly that the tiger shudders and the elephant raises its trunk.

So simple

We are sitting in a cart. A reddish peasant horse runs briskly along a dusty road.

The master's son Vasyutka rules the horse. He casually holds the reins in his hands and from time to time shouts at the horse:

- Well, well, go ... fell asleep ...

The horse did not fall asleep at all, she runs well. But that's probably how it's supposed to be shouted.

My hands are burning - so I want to hold the reins, straighten them and shout at the horse. But I don't dare to ask Vasyutka about it.

Suddenly Vasyutka himself says:

- Come on, hold the reins. I will smoke.

Sister Lelya says to Vasyutka:

No, don't give him the reins. He doesn't know how to rule.

Vasutka says:

- What do you mean he can't? There is nothing to know here.

And now the reins are in my hands. I hold them at arm's length.

Holding on tightly to the cart, Lelya says:

- Well, now there will be a story - he will certainly overturn us.

At this moment, the cart bounces on a bump.

Lela screams:

- Ok, I see. Now she will turn us around.

I also suspect that the cart will tip over, because the reins are in my unskillful hands. But no, having jumped on a bump, the cart rolls smoothly on.

Proud of my success, I pat the horse's sides with the reins and shout: "Well, fell asleep!"

Suddenly I see a turn in the road.

Hastily I ask Vasyutka:

- What reins to pull so that the horse runs to the right?

Vasyutka calmly says:

- Pull the right one.

- How many times to pull the right? I ask.

Vasyutka shrugs.

- Once.

I pull the right rein, and suddenly, like in a fairy tale, the horse runs to the right.

But for some reason I am upset, annoyed. So simple. I thought it was much more difficult to steer a horse. I thought there was a whole science to be studied for years. And here is such nonsense.

I hand over the reins to Vasyutka. Not particularly interesting.

Lelya and Minka

Christmas tree

This year, guys, I turned forty years old. So, it turns out that I saw the Christmas tree forty times. It's a lot!

Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably did not understand what a Christmas tree was. Probably, my mother endured me on her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked at the painted tree without interest.

And when I, children, hit five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree is.

And I was looking forward to it happy holiday. And even in the crack of the door I peeped how my mother decorates the Christmas tree.

And my sister Lelya was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl.

She once told me:

- Minka, mom went to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree stands and see what's going on there.

So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: a very beautiful Christmas tree. And under the tree are gifts. And on the Christmas tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, pastilles and Crimean apples.

My sister Lelya says:

We won't look at gifts. Instead, let's just eat one lozenge each.

And now she comes up to the Christmas tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread.

I say:

- Lyolya, if you ate a lozenge, then I will also eat something now.

And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of an apple.

Lelya says:

- Minka, if you bit off an apple, then I’ll eat another lozenge now and, in addition, I’ll take this candy for myself.

And Lyolya was a very tall, long-knit girl. And she could reach high.

She stood on tiptoe and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth.

And I was surprisingly short. And I could hardly get anything, except for one apple, which hung low.

I say:

- If you, Lyolisha, ate the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again.

And I again take this apple with my hands and bite it off a little again.

Lelya says:

- If you have bitten off an apple for the second time, then I will no longer stand on ceremony and now I will eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I will take a cracker and a nut as a keepsake.

Then I almost cried. Because she could reach everything, but I could not.

I tell her:

- And I, Lyolisha, how will I put a chair by the Christmas tree and how will I get myself something, too, except for an apple.

And so I began to pull a chair to the Christmas tree with my thin little hands. But the chair fell on me. I wanted to lift a chair. But he fell again. And straight to gifts.

Lelya says:

– Minka, you seem to have broken the doll. And there is. You took the porcelain handle from the doll.

Then my mother's steps were heard, and Lelya and I ran into another room.

Lelya says:

“Now, Minka, I can’t guarantee that your mother won’t kick you out.”

I wanted to cry, but at that moment the guests arrived. Lots of kids with their parents.

And then our mother lit all the candles on the Christmas tree, opened the door and said:

- Everyone come in.

And all the children entered the room where the Christmas tree stood.

Our mom says:

“Now let every child come to me, and I will give everyone a toy and a treat.

And then the children began to approach our mother. And she gave everyone a toy. Then she took an apple, a lozenge and a candy from the tree and also gave it to the child.

And all the children were very happy. Then my mother picked up the apple that I had bitten off and said:

- Lyolya and Minka, come here. Which one of you took a bite of that apple?

Lelya said:

- This is Minka's work.

I pulled Lelya's pigtail and said:

- It was Lyolka who taught me.

Mom says:

- I'll put Lyolya in a corner with his nose, and I wanted to give you a clockwork engine. But now I will give this clockwork engine to the boy to whom I wanted to give a bitten apple.

And she took the little engine and gave it to one four-year-old boy. And he immediately began to play with him.

And I got angry with this boy and hit him on the arm with a toy. And he roared so desperately that his own mother took him in her arms and said:

“From now on, I will not come to visit you with my boy.

And I said

- You can leave, and then the engine will remain with me.

And that mother was surprised at my words and said:

“Your boy will probably be a robber.”

And then my mother took me in her arms and said to that mother:

Don't you dare talk about my boy like that. Better go with your scrofulous child and never come to us again.

And that mother said:

“I will. Hanging with you is like sitting in nettles.

And then another, third mother, said:

“And I'll leave too. My girl didn't deserve to be given a doll with a broken arm.

And my sister Lelya screamed:

“You can also leave with your scrofulous child. And then the doll with the broken handle will be left to me.

And then I, sitting in my mother's arms, shouted:

- In general, you can all leave, and then all the toys will remain with us.

And then all the guests began to leave.

And our mother was surprised that we were left alone.

But suddenly our dad came into the room.

He said:

“That kind of upbringing is ruining my children. I don't want them to fight, quarrel and kick guests out. It will be difficult for them to live in the world, and they will die alone.

And dad went to the Christmas tree and put out all the candles. Then he said:

- Go to bed immediately. And tomorrow I will give all the toys to the guests.

And now, guys, thirty-five years have passed since then, and I still remember this tree well.

And in all these thirty-five years, I, children, have never again eaten someone else's apple and never hit someone who is weaker than me. And now the doctors say that's why I'm so comparatively cheerful and good-natured.

Do not lie

I studied for a very long time. Then there were high schools. And the teachers then put marks in the diary for each lesson asked. They put some score - from five to one inclusive.

And I was very small when I entered the gymnasium, the preparatory class. I was only seven years old.

And I still didn’t know anything about what happens in gymnasiums. And for the first three months, I literally walked in a fog.

And then one day the teacher told us to memorize a poem:

The moon is merrily shining over the village,
White snow sparkles with a blue light ...

I didn't learn this poem. I didn't hear what the teacher said. I didn’t hear because the boys who were sitting behind me either slapped me on the back of the head with a book, or smeared ink on my ear, or pulled my hair, and when I jumped up in surprise, they put a pencil or insert under me. And for this reason, I sat in the classroom, frightened and even stunned, and listened all the time to what else the boys sitting behind me were up to.

And the next day, the teacher, as luck would have it, called me and ordered me to read the assigned poem by heart.

And not only did I not know him, but I did not even suspect that such poems existed in the world. But out of timidity, I did not dare to tell the teacher that I did not know these verses. And he stood at his desk, completely stunned, without uttering a word.

But then the boys began to suggest these verses to me. And because of this, I began to babble what they whispered to me.

And at that time I had a chronic runny nose, and I could not hear well with one ear, and therefore it was difficult to make out what they prompted me.

Even the first lines I somehow said. But when it came to the phrase: "The cross under the clouds burns like a candle," I said: "Crack under the clouds, like a candle hurts."

There was laughter among the students. And the teacher laughed too. He said:

- Come on, give me your diary! I'll put one in there for you.

And I cried because it was my first unit and I didn't know what it was.

After the lessons, my sister Lelya came for me to go home together.

On the way, I took a diary out of my knapsack, unfolded it on the page where the unit was placed, and said to Lelya:

- Lelya, look what it is? This was given to me by the teacher for the poem "The moon is merrily shining over the village."

Leia looked up and laughed. She said:

- Minka, this is bad! It was your teacher who slapped you a unit in the Russian language. This is so bad that I doubt that dad will give you a photographic camera for your name day, which will be in two weeks.

I said:

– But what to do?

Lelya said:

- One of our students took and sealed two pages in her diary, where she had one. Her dad licked his fingers, but he couldn’t peel it off and never saw what was there.

I said:

- Lyolya, it's not good to deceive your parents!

Lelya laughed and went home. And in a sad mood I went into the city garden, sat down on a bench there and, having unfolded the diary, looked with horror at the unit.

I sat in the garden for a long time. Then he went home. But as he approached the house, he suddenly remembered that he had left his diary on a bench in the garden. I ran back. But my diary was no longer on the bench in the garden. At first I was frightened, and then I was glad that now I don’t have a diary with this terrible unit with me.

I came home and told my father that I had lost my diary. And Lyolya laughed and winked at me when she heard these words of mine.

The next day, the teacher, having learned that I had lost the diary, gave me a new one.

I opened this new diary with the hope that this time there was nothing wrong with it, but there was again a unit against the Russian language, even bolder than before.

And then I felt such annoyance and was so angry that I threw this diary behind the bookcase, which was in our classroom.

Two days later, the teacher, having learned that I did not have this diary either, filled out a new one. And, in addition to the unit in the Russian language, he brought me a deuce there in behavior. And he told my father to look at my diary without fail.

When I met Lelya after school, she told me:

“It won't be a lie if we temporarily seal the page. And a week after your name day, when you get your camera, we'll peel it off and show dad what was in there.

I really wanted to get a photographic camera, and Lyolya and I glued the corners of the ill-fated page of the diary.

In the evening my father said:

- Come on, show me your diary! Interesting to know if you picked up units?

Dad began to look at the diary, but he didn’t see anything bad there, because the page was sealed.

And when dad was looking at my diary, suddenly someone called on the stairs.

A woman came and said:

- The other day I was walking in the city garden and there I found a diary on a bench. I learned the address by the last name and brought it to you so that you could tell if your son had lost this diary.

Dad looked at the diary and, seeing a unit there, understood everything.

He didn't yell at me. He just said softly:

- People who lie and deceive are funny and comical, because sooner or later their lies will always be revealed. And there was no case in the world that any of the lies remained unknown.

I, red as a cancer, stood in front of my dad, and I was ashamed of his quiet words.

I said:

- Here's what: another of my, third, diary with a unit I threw at school behind a bookcase.

Instead of getting even angrier with me, dad smiled and beamed. He grabbed me in his arms and started kissing me.

He said:

“The fact that you confessed this made me extremely happy. You admitted that you could remain unknown for a long time. And it gives me hope that you won't lie anymore. And for this I will give you a camera.

When Lelya heard these words, she thought that dad had gone crazy in his mind and now he gives everyone gifts not for fives, but for ones.

And then Lyolya went up to dad and said:

“Daddy, I also got an A in physics today because I didn’t learn my lesson.

But Lely's expectations were not justified. Dad got angry with her, kicked her out of his room and told her to immediately sit down to books.

And in the evening, when we went to bed, the phone suddenly rang.

It was my teacher who came to my father. And said to him:

- Today we had a cleaning in the classroom, and behind the bookcase we found your son's diary. How do you like this little liar and deceiver who abandoned his diary so that you would not see him?

Papa said:

– I have personally heard about this diary from my son. He confessed this to me himself. So there is no reason to think that my son is an incorrigible liar and deceiver.

The teacher said to dad:

- Oh, that's how. You already know about it. In this case, it's a misunderstanding. Sorry. Good night.

And I, lying in my bed, hearing these words, wept bitterly. I made a promise to myself to always tell the truth.

And I really do this all the time and now I do it.

Ah, it is sometimes very difficult, but my heart is cheerful and calm.

Attention! This is an introductory section of the book.

If you liked the beginning of the book, then full version can be purchased from our partner - a distributor of legal content LLC "LitRes".

Mikhail Zoshchenko

Funny stories (collection)

© LLC Publishing House ACT

* * *

exemplary child

* * *

There lived a little boy Pavlik in Leningrad.

He had a mother. And there was dad. And there was a grandmother.

And in addition, a cat called Bubenchik lived in their apartment.

That morning, my dad went to work. Mom left too. And Pavlik stayed with his grandmother.

And my grandmother was very old. And she loved to sleep in the armchair.

So dad is gone. And mom left. Grandma sat down in a chair. And Pavlik began to play with his cat on the floor. He wanted her to walk on her hind legs. But she didn't want to. And meowed very plaintively.

Suddenly, the bell rang on the stairs.

Grandmother and Pavlik went to open the doors.

It's the postman.

He brought a letter.

Pavlik took the letter and said:

- I'll tell my dad.

The postman has left. Pavlik wanted to play with his cat again. And suddenly he sees - the cat is nowhere to be found.

Peacock says to grandmother:

- Grandma, that's the number - our Bell is gone.

Grandma says:

- Probably Bubenchik ran to the stairs when we opened the door for the postman.

Peacock says:

– No, it must have been the postman who took my Bell. He probably gave us a letter on purpose, and took my trained cat for himself. It was a cunning postman.

Grandmother laughed and said jokingly:

- Tomorrow the postman will come, we will give him this letter and in return we will take our cat back from him.

Here the grandmother sat down in a chair and fell asleep.

And Pavlik put on his overcoat and cap, took the letter, and quietly went out onto the stairs.

“Better,” he thinks, “I will now give the letter to the postman. And I'd rather take my kitty from him now.

Here Pavlik went out into the yard. And he sees that there is no postman in the yard.

Peacock went outside. And walked down the street. And he sees that there is no postman anywhere on the street either.

Suddenly, one red-haired aunt says:

“Ah, look, everyone, what a little kid is walking alone along the street! He must have lost his mother and got lost. Ah, call the policeman soon!

Here comes a policeman with a whistle. Aunt says to him:

“Look, what a boy of about five got lost.

Policeman says:

This boy is holding a letter in his pen. Probably, on this letter is written the address where he lives. We will read this address and deliver the child home. It's good that he took the letter with him.

Auntie says:

- In America, many parents put letters in their children's pockets on purpose so that they do not get lost.

And with these words, the aunt wants to take a letter from Pavlik. Peacock says to her:

– What are you worried about? I know where I live.

The aunt was surprised that the boy had told her so boldly. And almost fell into a puddle from excitement.

Then he says:

“Look, what a smart boy. Let him then tell us where he lives.

Peacock replies:

- Fontanka Street, eight.

The policeman looked at the letter and said:

– Wow, this is a fighting child – he knows where he lives.

Aunt says to Pavlik:

- What is your name and who is your father?

Peacock says:

- My dad is a driver. Mom went to the store. Grandma is sleeping in a chair. And my name is Pavlik.

The policeman laughed and said:

- This is a fighting, demonstrative child - he knows everything. He will probably be a police chief when he grows up.

The aunt says to the policeman:

Take this boy home.

The policeman says to Pavlik:

“Well, little comrade, let’s go home.”

Pavlik says to the policeman:

Give me your hand and I will take you to my house. Here is my beautiful house.

Here the policeman laughed. And the red-haired aunt also laughed.

The policeman said:

- This is an exceptionally fighting, demonstrative child. Not only does he know everything, he also wants to bring me home. This child will certainly be the head of the police.

So the policeman gave his hand to Pavlik, and they went home.

As soon as they reached their house, suddenly mom was coming.

Mom was surprised that Pavlik was walking down the street, she took him in her arms and brought him home.

At home, she scolded him a little. She said:

- Oh, you nasty boy, why did you run into the street?

Peacock said:

- I wanted to take my Bubenchik from the postman. And then my Bubenchik disappeared, and, probably, the postman took it.

Mom said:

- What nonsense! Postmen never take cats. There is your bell sitting on the closet.

Peacock says:

- That's the number. Look where my trained kitty jumped.

Mom says:

- Probably, you, a nasty boy, tormented her, so she climbed onto the closet.

Suddenly my grandmother woke up.

Grandmother, not knowing what happened, tells her mother:

– Today Pavlik was very quiet and well-behaved. And he didn't even wake me up. You should give him candy for that.

Mom says:

- He should not be given candy, but put in a corner with his nose. He ran outside today.

Grandma says:

- That's the number.

Suddenly dad comes. Dad wanted to get angry, why the boy ran out into the street. But Pavlik gave dad a letter.

Papa says:

This letter is not for me, but for my grandmother.

Then she says:

- In the city of Moscow, my youngest daughter had another child.

Peacock says:

“Probably a war baby was born. And he will probably be the head of the police.

Everyone laughed and sat down to eat.

The first one was soup with rice. On the second - cutlets. On the third was kissel.

The cat Bubenchik looked for a long time from her closet as Pavlik was eating. Then I could not stand it and also decided to eat a little.

She jumped from the closet to the dresser, from the dresser to the chair, from the chair to the floor.

And then Pavlik gave her a little soup and a little jelly.

And the cat was very pleased with it.

Coward Vasya

Vasya's father was a blacksmith.

He worked at the forge. He made horseshoes, hammers and hatchets there.

And he went to the forge every day on his horse.

He had, wow, a nice black horse.

He harnessed her to the cart and rode.

And in the evening he returned.

And his son, a six-year-old boy Vasya, was a fan of a little ride.

Father, for example, comes home, gets off the cart, and Vasyutka immediately climbs in there and goes all the way to the forest.

And his father, of course, did not allow him to do this.

And the horse also did not really allow. And when Vasyutka climbed into the cart, the horse looked askance at him. And she waved her tail, - they say, get off, boy, from my cart. But Vasya whipped the horse with a rod, and then it hurt a little, and she quietly ran.

One evening my father returned home. Vasya immediately climbed into the cart, whipped the horse with a rod and left the yard for a ride. And he was in a fighting mood today - he wanted to ride far away.

And so he rides through the woods and whips his black skate so that he runs faster.

Suddenly someone will warm Vasya on the back!

Vasyutka jumped up in surprise. He thought that it was his father who caught up with him and whipped him with a rod - why did he leave without asking.

Vasya looked around. He sees that there is no one.

Then he whipped the horse again. But then, for the second time, someone again slapped him on the back!

Vasya looked around again. No, he looks, no one is there. What are the miracles in the sieve?

Vasya thinks:

“Oh, who is hitting me on the neck if there is no one around!”

But I must tell you that when Vasya was driving through the forest, a large branch from a tree got into the wheel. She gripped the wheel tightly. And as soon as the wheel turns around, the branch, of course, slaps Vasya on the back.

But Vasya does not see it. Because it's already dark. Plus, he was a little scared. And I didn't want to look around.

Here the branch hit Vasya for the third time, and he was even more frightened.

He thinks:

“Oh, maybe the horse is beating me. Maybe she grabbed the rod with her teeth and, in turn, whips me too.

Here he even moved away from the horse a little.

As soon as he moved away, a branch lashed Vasya not on his back, but on the back of his head.

Vasya threw the reins and screamed in fear.

And the horse, don't be a fool, turned back and how it starts off with all its might to the house.

And the wheel will spin even more.

And the branch will start whipping Vasya even more often.

Here, you know, not only a small one, but also a big one can be frightened.

Here the horse is galloping. And Vasya lies in the cart and yells with all his might. And the branch hits him - either on the back, then on the legs, then on the back of the head.

Vasya screams:

- Oh, dad! Oh mom! The horse is beating me!

But then suddenly the horse drove up to the house and stopped in the yard.

And Vasyutka lies in the cart and is afraid to get off. Lies, you know, and does not want to eat.

Here comes the father to unharness the horse. And then Vasyutka slid down from the cart. And then he suddenly saw a branch in the wheel that beat him.

Mikhail Mikhailovich Zoshchenko (1895-1958) was able to notice the comic in our lives. The extraordinary talent of the satirist helped him to show, in his own words, "the true and undisguised life of genuine living people with their desires, taste, thoughts." He especially succeeded in children's characters. When he wrote his humorous stories for children, he did not think that they would laugh at the actions of naughty girls and boys. Mikhail Zoshchenko simply wanted to teach young readers to be brave and strong, kind and smart. The writer created whole cycles of stories addressed to children: "Smart Animals", "Funny Stories", "Lyolya and Minka", "Stories about Minka's Childhood" and "Stories about the War". All of them are in this unique book.

A series: Classics for schoolchildren

* * *

The following excerpt from the book Stories for children (M. M. Zoshchenko, 2015) provided by our book partner - the company LitRes.

funny stories

exemplary child

There lived a little boy Pavlik in Leningrad.

He had a mother. And there was dad. And there was a grandmother.

And in addition, a cat called Bubenchik lived in their apartment.

That morning, my dad went to work. Mom left too. And Pavlik stayed with his grandmother.

And my grandmother was very old. And she loved to sleep in the armchair.

So dad is gone. And mom left. Grandma sat down in a chair. And Pavlik began to play with his cat on the floor. He wanted her to walk on her hind legs. But she didn't want to. And meowed very plaintively.

Suddenly, the bell rang on the stairs.

Grandmother and Pavlik went to open the doors.

It's the postman.

He brought a letter.

Pavlik took the letter and said:

- I'll tell my dad.

The postman has left. Pavlik wanted to play with his cat again. And suddenly he sees - the cat is nowhere to be found.

Peacock says to grandmother:

- Grandma, that's the number - our Bell is gone.

Grandma says:

- Probably Bubenchik ran to the stairs when we opened the door for the postman.

Peacock says:

– No, it must have been the postman who took my Bell. He probably gave us a letter on purpose, and took my trained cat for himself. It was a cunning postman.

Grandmother laughed and said jokingly:

- Tomorrow the postman will come, we will give him this letter and in return we will take our cat back from him.

Here the grandmother sat down in a chair and fell asleep.

And Pavlik put on his overcoat and cap, took the letter, and quietly went out onto the stairs.

“Better,” he thinks, “I will now give the letter to the postman. And I'd rather take my kitty from him now.

Here Pavlik went out into the yard. And he sees that there is no postman in the yard.

Peacock went outside. And walked down the street. And he sees that there is no postman anywhere on the street either.

Suddenly, one red-haired aunt says:

“Ah, look, everyone, what a little kid is walking alone down the street! He must have lost his mother and got lost. Ah, call the policeman soon!

Here comes a policeman with a whistle. Aunt says to him:

“Look, what a boy of about five got lost.

Policeman says:

This boy is holding a letter in his pen. Probably, on this letter is written the address where he lives. We will read this address and deliver the child home. It's good that he took the letter with him.

Auntie says:

- In America, many parents put letters in their children's pockets on purpose so that they do not get lost.

And with these words, the aunt wants to take a letter from Pavlik. Peacock says to her:

– What are you worried about? I know where I live.

The aunt was surprised that the boy had told her so boldly. And almost fell into a puddle from excitement.

Then he says:

“Look, what a smart boy. Let him then tell us where he lives.

Peacock replies:

- Fontanka Street, eight.

The policeman looked at the letter and said:

– Wow, this is a fighting child – he knows where he lives.

Aunt says to Pavlik:

- What is your name and who is your father?

Peacock says:

- My dad is a driver. Mom went to the store. Grandma is sleeping in a chair. And my name is Pavlik.

The policeman laughed and said:

- This is a fighting, demonstrative child - he knows everything. He will probably be a police chief when he grows up.

The aunt says to the policeman:

Take this boy home.

The policeman says to Pavlik:

“Well, little comrade, let’s go home.”

Pavlik says to the policeman:

Give me your hand and I will take you to my house. Here is my beautiful house.

Here the policeman laughed. And the red-haired aunt also laughed.

The policeman said:

- This is an exceptionally fighting, demonstrative child. Not only does he know everything, he also wants to bring me home. This child will certainly be the head of the police.

So the policeman gave his hand to Pavlik, and they went home.

As soon as they reached their house, suddenly mom was coming.

Mom was surprised that Pavlik was walking down the street, she took him in her arms and brought him home.

At home, she scolded him a little. She said:

- Oh, you nasty boy, why did you run into the street?

Peacock said:

- I wanted to take my Bubenchik from the postman. And then my Bubenchik disappeared, and, probably, the postman took it.

Mom said:

- What nonsense! Postmen never take cats. There is your bell sitting on the closet.

Peacock says:

- That's the number. Look where my trained kitty jumped.

Mom says:

- Probably, you, a nasty boy, tormented her, so she climbed onto the closet.

Suddenly my grandmother woke up.

Grandmother, not knowing what happened, tells her mother:

– Today Pavlik was very quiet and well-behaved. And he didn't even wake me up. You should give him candy for that.

Mom says:

- He should not be given candy, but put in a corner with his nose. He ran outside today.

Grandma says:

- That's the number.

Suddenly dad comes. Dad wanted to get angry, why the boy ran out into the street. But Pavlik gave dad a letter.

Papa says:

This letter is not for me, but for my grandmother.

Then she says:

- In the city of Moscow, my youngest daughter had another child.

Peacock says:

“Probably a war baby was born. And he will probably be the head of the police.

Everyone laughed and sat down to eat.

The first one was soup with rice. On the second - cutlets. On the third was kissel.

The cat Bubenchik looked for a long time from her closet as Pavlik was eating. Then I could not stand it and also decided to eat a little.

She jumped from the closet to the dresser, from the dresser to the chair, from the chair to the floor.

And then Pavlik gave her a little soup and a little jelly.

And the cat was very pleased with it.

Coward Vasya

Vasya's father was a blacksmith.

He worked at the forge. He made horseshoes, hammers and hatchets there.

And he went to the forge every day on his horse.

He had, wow, a nice black horse.

He harnessed her to the cart and rode.

And in the evening he returned.

And his son, a six-year-old boy Vasya, was a fan of a little ride.

Father, for example, comes home, gets off the cart, and Vasyutka immediately climbs in there and goes all the way to the forest.

And his father, of course, did not allow him to do this.

And the horse also did not really allow. And when Vasyutka climbed into the cart, the horse looked askance at him. And she waved her tail, - they say, get off, boy, from my cart. But Vasya whipped the horse with a rod, and then it hurt a little, and she quietly ran.

One evening my father returned home. Vasya immediately climbed into the cart, whipped the horse with a rod and left the yard for a ride. And he was in a fighting mood today - he wanted to ride far away.

And so he rides through the woods and whips his black skate so that he runs faster.

Suddenly someone will warm Vasya on the back!

Vasyutka jumped up in surprise. He thought that it was his father who caught up with him and whipped him with a rod - why did he leave without asking.

Vasya looked around. He sees that there is no one.

Then he whipped the horse again. But then, for the second time, someone again slapped him on the back!

Vasya looked around again. No, he looks, no one is there. What are the miracles in the sieve?

Vasya thinks:

“Oh, who is hitting me on the neck if there is no one around!”

But I must tell you that when Vasya was driving through the forest, a large branch from a tree got into the wheel. She gripped the wheel tightly. And as soon as the wheel turns around, the branch, of course, slaps Vasya on the back.

But Vasya does not see it. Because it's already dark. Plus, he was a little scared. And I didn't want to look around.

Here the branch hit Vasya for the third time, and he was even more frightened.

He thinks:

“Oh, maybe the horse is beating me. Maybe she grabbed the rod with her teeth and, in turn, whips me too.

Here he even moved away from the horse a little.

As soon as he moved away, a branch lashed Vasya not on his back, but on the back of his head.

Vasya threw the reins and screamed in fear.

And the horse, don't be a fool, turned back and how it starts off with all its might to the house.

And the wheel will spin even more. And the branch will start whipping Vasya even more often.

Here, you know, not only a small one, but also a big one can be frightened.

Here the horse is galloping. And Vasya lies in the cart and yells with all his might. And the branch hits him - either on the back, then on the legs, then on the back of the head.

Vasya screams:

- Oh, dad! Oh mom! The horse is beating me!

But then suddenly the horse drove up to the house and stopped in the yard.

And Vasyutka lies in the cart and is afraid to get off. Lies, you know, and does not want to eat.

Here comes the father to unharness the horse. And then Vasyutka slid down from the cart. And then he suddenly saw a branch in the wheel that beat him.

Vasya unhooked a branch from the wheel and wanted to hit the horse with this branch. But the father said:

“Give up your stupid habit of beating the horse. She is smarter than you and she understands well what she needs to do.

Then Vasya, scratching his back, went home and went to bed.

And at night he had a dream, as if a horse came to him and said:

“Well, coward, scared? Fu, what a shame to be a coward.

In the morning Vasya woke up and went to the river to catch fish.

stupid story

Petya was not such a small boy. He was four years old. But his mother considered him a very tiny child. She fed him with a spoon, took him for a walk by the hand and in the morning she dressed him.

One day Petya woke up in his bed. And my mother began to dress him.

So she dressed him and put him on his legs near the bed. But Petya suddenly fell.

Mom thought he was naughty, and again put him on his feet. But he fell again.

Mom was surprised and put him near the crib for the third time. But the child fell again.

Mom got scared and called dad on the phone at the service.

She told dad

- Come home soon. Something happened to our boy - he can't stand on his legs.

Here dad comes and says:

- Nonsense. Our boy walks and runs well, and it cannot be that he falls down with us.

And he instantly puts the boy on the carpet. The boy wants to go to his toys, but again, for the fourth time, he falls.

Papa says:

“We need to call the doctor as soon as possible. Our boy must have fallen ill. He probably ate too much candy yesterday.

They called the doctor.

A doctor comes in with glasses and a tube.

The Doctor says to Petya:

- What news is this! Why are you falling?

Petya says:

I don't know why, but I'm falling a little.

Doctor says to mother:

- Come on, undress this child, I'll examine him now.

Mom undressed Petya, and the doctor began to listen to him.

The doctor listened to him through the phone and said:

- The baby is perfectly healthy. And it's amazing why it falls for you. Come on, put it on again and put it on its feet.

Here the mother quickly dresses the boy and puts him on the floor.

And the doctor puts glasses on his nose to better see how the boy falls.

Only the boy was put on his feet, and suddenly he fell again.

The doctor was surprised and said:

- Call the professor. Maybe the professor will guess why this child is falling.

Dad went to call the professor, and at that moment the little boy Kolya comes to visit Petya.

Kolya looked at Petya, laughed and said:

- And I know why Petya falls down with you.

Doctor says:

- Look, what a learned little one was found - he knows better than me why children fall.

Kolya says:

- Look at how Petya is dressed. He has one pant dangling, and both legs are thrust into the other. That's why he falls.

Here everyone groaned and groaned.

Petya says:

It was my mother who dressed me.

Doctor says:

You don't need to call the professor. Now we understand why the child falls.

Mom says:

- In the morning I was in a hurry to cook porridge for him, but now I was very worried, and that's why I put on his pants so wrong.

Kolya says:

- And I always dress myself, and I don’t have such stupid things with my legs. Adults are always up to something.

Petya says:

"Now I'm going to dress myself."

Everyone laughed at that. And the doctor laughed. He said goodbye to everyone and also said goodbye to Kolya. And he went about his business.

Dad went to work. Mom went to the kitchen.

And Kolya and Petya remained in the room. And they started playing with toys.

And the next day, Petya himself put on his pants, and no more stupid stories happened to him.

Smart Tamara

One engineer lives in our apartment.

There are such learned engineers with mustaches and glasses.

And then one day this engineer fell ill with something and went south for treatment.

So he went south and locked his room.

Three days pass, and suddenly all the residents hear that a cat meows plaintively in the room of this engineer.

One resident says:

This engineer is such a jerk. He went south and left his cat in the room. And now this poor animal will probably die without food and drink.

Here all the tenants were angry with the engineer.

One resident says:

This engineer has a hole in his head. How can you leave cats without food for a whole month. Cats are dying from this.

Another resident says:

Let's break down the door.

Here comes the manager. He says:

- No, the door cannot be broken without the permission of the engineer.

One little boy Nikolasha says:

“Then let’s call the fire department.” Firefighters will come, put a ladder to the window and save the cat.

House manager says:

- Since there is no fire, firefighters cannot be called. You have to pay a fine for this.

One little girl Tamara says:

You know what: let's feed this cat through the door. I'll bring milk now and pour this milk under the door. The cat will see it and eat it.

– Bravo! She had a good idea.

And all the tenants began from that day to feed the cat through the door. Who poured soup under the door, who milk, who water.

Nikolasha's boy even slipped a whole fish under the door. And then he found a dead mouse on the stairs, and he also managed to slip this dead mouse under the door.

And the cat was very pleased with the food, and she happily purred outside the door.

And then a whole month passes, and finally an engineer arrives.

One old woman says to him:

- Engineer, you should be put in jail for six months, because you can’t torture animals like that. We must treat people and animals well. And you left your kitty in a room without food or drink. And she could have died if we hadn't thought of pouring milk under the door. Ah, open the doors soon and see how your kitty feels. Maybe she is sick and lies with a temperature on your bed.

Engineer says:

What cat are you talking about? You know I never kept cats. And I never had any cats. And I could not close anyone in my room.

Residents say:

“We don't know anything. We only know that a cat lives in your room for a whole month.

Here the engineer quickly opens the door, and all the tenants and he himself enter the room. And everyone sees - a pretty red cat is lying on the sofa. She looks very healthy and cheerful, and she does not seem to have lost any weight.

Engineer says:

- I don't understand anything. Why do I have this ginger cat on my couch? When I left, she was gone.

The boy Nikolasha says, looking at the window:

- The gate is open. Probably the cat was walking along the ledge, saw this open window and jumped into the room.

Engineer says:

"But why didn't she go back then?"

Tamara girl says:

- And we fed her very well, so she did not want to leave. She liked it here.

Engineer says:

- Oh, what a pretty, smart kitty! I'll leave it here then.

Tamara girl says:

- No, I decided to take this cat for myself.

Then all the tenants laughed and said:

- Yes, this cat belongs to Tamara, because Tamara figured out how to feed her, and this saved her from death.

Engineer said:

- Correctly. And I, for my part, in addition, will give Tamara ten tangerines, which I brought from the south.

And he gave her ten tangerines.

The most important

Once upon a time there lived a boy Andryusha Ryzhenky. It was a cowardly boy. He was afraid of everything. He was afraid of dogs, cows, geese, mice, spiders and even roosters.

But most of all he was afraid of other people's boys.

And the mother of this boy was very, very sad that she had such a cowardly son.

One fine morning, the boy's mother said to him:

“Oh, how bad it is that you are afraid of everything. Only brave people live well in the world. Only they defeat enemies, put out fires and bravely fly planes. And for this everyone loves brave people. And everyone respects them. They give them gifts and give orders and medals. And no one likes a coward. They are laughed at and made fun of. And because of this, their life is bad, boring and uninteresting.

The boy Andryusha answered his mother like this:

“From now on, mother, I decided to be a brave man.

And with these words, Andryusha went into the yard for a walk.

The boys were playing football in the yard.

These boys usually bullied Andryusha. And he was afraid of them like fire. And he always ran away from them. But today he did not run away. He called out to them:

- Hey you boys! Today I am not afraid of you!

The boys were surprised that Andryusha called out to them so boldly. And even they got a little scared. And even one of them, Sanka Palochkin, said:

- Today Andryushka Ryzhenkiy has something in mind against us. Let's better leave, otherwise we, perhaps, will get from him.

But the boys didn't leave. Vice versa. They ran up to Andryusha and began to hurt him. One pulled Andryusha by the nose. Another knocked his cap off his head. The third boy poked Andryusha with his fist. In short, they beat Andryusha a little. And he returned home with a roar.

And at home, wiping away tears, Andryusha said to his mother:

- Mom, I was brave today, but nothing good came of it.

Mom said:

- Foolish boy. It's not enough to just be brave, you have to be strong. Courage alone can't do anything.

And then Andryusha, imperceptibly from his mother, took his grandmother's stick and with this stick went into the yard. I thought: “Now I will be stronger than usual. Now I will disperse the boys in different directions if they attack me.

Andryusha went out into the yard with a stick. And there were no more boys in the yard. A black dog was walking there, which Andryusha was always afraid of.

Waving a stick, Andryusha said to this dog:

- Just try, yell at me - you will get what you deserve. You'll know what a stick is when it walks over your head.

The dog began to bark and rush at Andryusha.

Waving his stick, Andryusha hit the dog twice on the head, but it ran in behind and tore Andryusha's pants a little.

And Andryusha ran home with a roar. And at home, wiping away tears, he said to his mother:

- Mom, how is it? I was strong and brave today, but nothing good came of it. The dog tore my pants and nearly bit me.

Mom said:

- Foolish boy. I forgot to tell you. It is not enough to be brave and strong. You also have to be smart. You did something stupid. You were waving a stick. And that made the dog angry. It's your fault. You need to think and think a little. You have to be smart.

Then Andryusha Ryzhenky went out for a walk for the third time. But there was no longer a dog in the yard. And there were no boys either.

And then Andryusha went out into the street to see where the boys were.

And the boys swam in the river. And Andryusha began to watch them bathe.

And at that moment, one boy, Sanya Palochkin, drowned in the water and began to scream to be rescued.

The boys were afraid that he was drowning, and ran to call the adults.

Andryusha wanted to throw himself into the water to save Sanya Palochkin. And already ran to the shore. But then he thought: “No, I don’t swim well, and I don’t have enough strength to save Sanka. I will do smarter: I will sit in a boat and swim up to him on a boat.

And there was a fishing boat on the shore. Andryusha pushed this heavy boat away from the shore and jumped into it himself.

And the oars lay in the water. Andryusha began to hit the water with these oars. But he did not succeed - he did not know how to row. And the current carried the fishing boat to the middle of the river.

And Andryusha began to scream from fear.

At that moment, another boat was sailing along the river. And there were fishermen in it.

These fishermen saved Sanya Palochkin. And besides, they caught up with Andryushin's boat, took it in tow and delivered it to the shore.

Andryusha went home and at home, wiping away his tears, he said to his mother:

- Mom, I was brave today - I wanted to save the boy. Today I was smart, because I did not jump into the water, but swam in a boat. I was strong today because I pushed the heavy boat off the shore and pounded the water with heavy oars. But again, nothing good happened to me.

Mom said:

- Foolish boy. I forgot to tell you the most important thing. It is not enough to be brave, smart and strong. This is too little. You also need to have knowledge. You have to know how to row, how to swim, how to ride a horse, how to fly an airplane. There is a lot to know. You need to know arithmetic and algebra, chemistry and geometry. And in order to know all this, you need to study. Who studies, he is smart. And who is smart, he must be brave. And everyone loves the brave and smart, because they defeat enemies, put out fires, save people and fly airplanes.

Andryusha said:

“From now on, I will learn everything.

And mama said

- That's good.

Mysterious incident

At the beginning of the revolution, I served as a junior criminal investigator.

Of course, at that time there were no major specialists in this field. And every citizen who can read and write could enter this interesting service.

Indeed, a lot of interesting and funny things passed through our hands.

But of all the cases, I remember most of all one mysterious incident in Ligov.

I'm sitting, imagine, in the service and drinking tea.

Suddenly a breathless man comes running up to me and says:

- I'm the switchman Frolov. I serve in the League. During the night, thieves stole my goat. This is such a misfortune for me that I am shaking all over with grief ... I beg you - solve this crime and return the stolen goat to me.

I tell him:

- Do not worry. Sit down and tell me more. And I will draw up a protocol from your words, after which we will immediately go to the scene, find the thief and take away your goat from him.

Arrowhead says:

“Two days ago I bought myself a goat to drink milk and get better. I gave a bag of flour for this goat. It was a marvelous thoroughbred goat. Yesterday I locked it in the barn for the night with a padlock, but the thieves got into my yard, broke this lock and stole the goat. What I will do now without a goat and without flour, I myself can not imagine.

So I draw up a protocol that is murderous for a thief, call the senior investigator and advise him to go immediately in order to uncover this theft in hot pursuit.

And our senior investigator was quite an experienced worker. And only he had the only drawback: if he gets very excited, he faints. Because once a thief shot him with a revolver. And since then he has become a little shy. If any knock is heard, or a board falls there, or someone shouts loudly, then he instantly falls unconscious. So we never let him in alone, but someone always accompanied him.

Otherwise, he was a good agent and very often solved thefts. We all called him Uncle Volodya.

Here Uncle Volodya says to me:

- Let's get ready quickly, we'll go to Ligovo to find out who stole the goat from the switchman.

Ten minutes later, together with the injured switchman, we get on the train and go to Ligovo.

And so the switchman leads us to his yard. And we see a small one-story house. Courtyard fenced with a high fence. And a small barn in which a goat was locked up.

Now this barn is wide open.

The lock on it is broken and barely hangs on an iron mug. And the barn is empty. There is no goat. There is only a little hay.

Uncle Volodya, having instantly examined the barn, says:

“Before us, comrades, is a typical picture of a night burglary. The thief climbed over the fence, broke the lock with an iron object and, having entered the barn, took the goat with him. Now I will examine the soil, find traces and report to you what kind of appearance the thief had.

And with these words, Uncle Volodya lies down on the ground and examines the tracks.

“Before you,” he says, “is a typical thief's walk. The thief, judging by the footprints, is a tall, thin, middle-aged citizen. And his boots are lined with an iron shoe.

Arrowhead says:

“Since my boots are lined with an iron shoe, don’t confuse me with a thief there, I beg you. And what's good, I'll go to jail through you. Moreover, I am also thin and middle-aged. You put glasses on your nose and look better - if there are any other marks there.

Uncle Volodya says:

- In addition to these traces, there are other ordinary traces. And next to these footprints are the footprints of a little boy or girl. So we have a typical picture of a night theft. Two thieves and their little assistant, having made their way into the yard, break into the barn and steal the goat together...

The switchman, almost crying, says:

“Where are the two thieves from?” After all, some footprints with a horseshoe are mine. What do you mean, I stole my own goat? What are you casting a shadow on the wattle fence? No, I think I invited you in vain.

There is a huge crowd gathering in the yard. Everyone is watching with interest to see what happens next.

Uncle Volodya says:

“In that case, I assume that the thief was alone with his little helper. Moreover, this little helper is shod in holey sandals on his bare feet, and he himself is six or seven years old.

As soon as he said so, suddenly a child's cry is heard in the crowd.

And suddenly everyone sees that it is the crying little teenager Minka, the nephew of his uncle, this switchman, who lives right there.

Everyone looks at him and sees that he is wearing sandals with holes in them.

He is asked:

- Why are you crying, Minka?

Minka says:

I got up in the morning and went into the barn. I gave the goat a cabbage leaf. I stroked the goat only twice and went about my business to catch fish in the pond. But I didn't touch the castle. And the door was open.

Everyone here was surprised. And Uncle Volodya was also very surprised.

Arrowhead says:

- How could he, a rogue, stroke my goat in the morning if it had already been stolen. That's the number!

Uncle Volodya, rubbing his forehead with his hand, says:

“This is a very mysterious theft. Or you and I got some crazy thief. At night he broke the lock, and during the day he stole a goat.

Switchman's Wife says:

- Maybe he was waiting for Minka to feed her. Then he probably took her away.

Uncle Volodya says:

- One of three: either the boy had a dream about a goat, how he fed her cabbage - there are such dreams in childhood - or the thief went crazy during the theft, or the owners are crazy here.

I say:

- There is a fourth assumption: the thief broke the lock and stole something else. And in the morning the goat decided to take a walk and, going out into the street, got lost.

Arrowhead says:

– No, the goat could not have left by itself. My whole yard was surrounded by a high fence, and everything was locked. And the gate on my spring slams itself shut. As for the shed, there was nothing there but a goat. There I had a bag of flour, for which I exchanged a goat. And I closed this goat in a barn. It was a thoroughbred goat, and I feel too sorry for her!

End of introductory segment.

Zoshchenko will not be bored with the heroes of children's stories. Despite the fact that the stories that happen to them are instructive, the great writer fills them with sparkling humor. The narration in the first person deprives the texts of edification.

The selection includes stories from the cycle "Lyolya and Minka", written in the late 30s of the XX century. Some of them are included in school curriculum or recommended for extracurricular reading.

Nakhodka

One day, Lelya and I took a candy box and put a frog and a spider in it.

We then wrapped this box in clean paper, tied it with a chic blue ribbon, and placed the package on a panel opposite our garden. As if someone was walking and lost their purchase.

Putting this package near the cabinet, Lelya and I hid in the bushes of our garden and, choking with laughter, began to wait for what would happen.

And here comes the passer-by.

When he sees our package, he, of course, stops, rejoices and even rubs his hands with pleasure. Still: he found a box of chocolates - this is not so often the case in this world.

With bated breath, Lelya and I are watching what will happen next.

The passer-by bent down, took the package, quickly untied it, and, seeing the beautiful box, was even more delighted.

And now the lid is open. And our frog, bored of sitting in the dark, jumps out of the box right into the hand of a passerby.

He gasps in surprise and tosses the box away from him.

Here Lelya and I began to laugh so much that we fell on the grass.

And we laughed so loudly that a passer-by turned in our direction and, seeing us behind the fence, immediately understood everything.

In an instant, he rushed to the fence, jumped over it in one fell swoop and rushed to us to teach us a lesson.

Lelya and I asked a strekach.

We ran screaming across the garden towards the house.

But I stumbled over the garden bed and stretched out on the grass.

And then a passer-by tore my ear pretty hard.

I screamed out loud. But the passer-by, after giving me two more slaps, calmly retired from the garden.

Our parents came running to the screaming and noise.

Holding my reddened ear and sobbing, I went up to my parents and complained to them about what had happened.

My mother wanted to call the janitor to catch up with the janitor and arrest him.

And Lelya was already rushing for the janitor. But her father stopped her. And he said to her and her mother:

Don't call the janitor. And do not arrest a passerby. Of course, it's not the case that he tore off Minka by the ears, but if I were a passerby, I would probably do the same.

Hearing these words, mother became angry with father and said to him:

You are a terrible egoist!

And Lelya and I were also angry with dad and didn’t say anything to him. Only I rubbed my ear and cried. And Lelka also whimpered. And then my mother, taking me in her arms, said to my father:

Instead of standing up for a passerby and thus bringing the children to tears, you would better explain to them that there is something wrong with what they did. Personally, I do not see this and regard everything as innocent childish fun.

And dad did not find what to answer. He only said:

Here the children will grow up big and someday they will know why this is bad.

And so the years passed. Five years have passed. Then ten years passed. Finally, twelve years passed.

Twelve years passed, and from a little boy I turned into a young student of about eighteen.

Of course, I forgot to think about this case. More interesting thoughts then visited my head.

But one day, this is what happened.

In the spring, at the end of the exams, I went to the Caucasus. At that time, many students took some work for the summer and left in all directions. And I also took a position - train controller.

I was a poor student and had no money. And then they gave a free ticket to the Caucasus and, in addition, paid a salary. And so I took this job. And went.

First I come to the city of Rostov in order to go to the office and get money, documents and tweezers for punching tickets there.

And our train was late. And instead of morning came at five o'clock in the evening.

I deposited my suitcase. And I went by tram to the office.

I come there. The doorman says to me:

Unfortunately, we are late, young man. The office is already closed.

How so, - I say, - closed. I need to get money and a certificate today.

Doorman says:

Everyone has already left. Come the day after tomorrow.

How so, - I say, - the day after tomorrow "Then it's better to come tomorrow.

Doorman says:

Tomorrow is a holiday, the office is closed. And the day after tomorrow come and get everything you need.

I went outside. And I stand. I do not know what to do.

There are two days ahead. There is no money in his pocket - only three kopecks left. It's a strange city - no one here knows me. And I don't know where to stay. And what to eat is not clear.

I ran to the station to get some shirt or towel from my suitcase to sell in the market. But at the station they told me:

Before you take a suitcase, pay for storage, and then take it and do with it what you want.

Other than three kopecks, I had nothing and couldn't pay for storage. And he went out into the street even more upset.

No, I wouldn't be so confused now. And then I was terribly confused. I go, I wander along the street, I don’t know where, and I grieve.

And now I’m walking down the street and suddenly I see on the panel: what is it? Small red plush wallet. And, you see, not empty, but tightly stuffed with money.

For a moment I stopped. Thoughts, one more joyful than the other, flashed through my mind. I mentally saw myself in a bakery with a glass of coffee. And then in the hotel on the bed, with a bar of chocolate in his hands.

I took a step towards the wallet. And extended his hand to him. But at that moment, the wallet (or it seemed to me) moved away from my hand a little.

I reached out my hand again and already wanted to grab the purse. But he moved away from me again, and quite a distance.

Thinking nothing, I again rushed to the wallet.

And suddenly in the garden, behind the fence, children's laughter was heard. And the purse, tied to a thread, quickly disappeared from the panel.

I went to the fence. Some guys literally rolled on the ground with laughter.

I wanted to run after them. And already grabbed the fence with his hand to jump over it. But then, in an instant, I remembered a long-forgotten scene from my childhood life.

And then I blushed terribly. Moved away from the fence. And slowly walking, he wandered on.

Guys! Everything passes in life. Those two days have passed.

In the evening, when it got dark, I went out of town and there, in the field, on the grass, I fell asleep.

I got up in the morning when the sun rose. I bought a pound of bread for three kopecks, ate it and washed it down with some water. And all day, until evening, he wandered around the city to no avail.

And in the evening he returned to the field and again spent the night there. Only this time it's bad because it started to rain and I got wet like a dog.

Early the next morning, I was already standing at the entrance and waiting for the office to open.

And here it is open. I, dirty, disheveled and wet, entered the office.

The officials looked at me incredulously. And at first they did not want to give me money and documents. But then they released it.

And soon I, happy and radiant, went to the Caucasus.

Christmas tree

This year, guys, I turned forty years old. So, it turns out that I saw the Christmas tree forty times. It's a lot!

Well, for the first three years of my life, I probably did not understand what a Christmas tree was. Probably, my mother endured me on her arms. And, probably, with my black little eyes I looked at the painted tree without interest.

And when I, children, hit five years old, I already perfectly understood what a Christmas tree is. And I was looking forward to this happy holiday. And even in the crack of the door I peeped how my mother decorates the Christmas tree.

And my sister Lele was seven years old at that time. And she was an exceptionally lively girl. She once told me:

Minka, mom went to the kitchen. Let's go to the room where the tree stands and see what's going on there.

So my sister Lelya and I entered the room. And we see: a very beautiful Christmas tree. And under the tree are gifts. And on the Christmas tree there are multi-colored beads, flags, lanterns, golden nuts, pastilles and Crimean apples.

My sister Lelya says:

Let's not look at gifts. Instead, let's just eat one lozenge each. And now she comes up to the Christmas tree and instantly eats one lozenge hanging on a thread. I say:

Lelya, if you ate a pastille, then I will also eat something now. And I go up to the tree and bite off a small piece of an apple. Lelya says:

Minka, if you have bitten off an apple, then I will now eat another lozenge and, in addition, I will take this candy for myself.

And Lelya was a very tall, long-knit girl. And she could reach high. She stood on tiptoe and began to eat the second lozenge with her big mouth. And I was surprisingly short. And I could hardly get anything, except for one apple, which hung low. I say:

If you, Lelisha, have eaten the second lozenge, then I will bite off this apple again. And I again take this apple with my hands and bite it off a little again. Lelya says:

If you have bitten off an apple for the second time, then I will no longer stand on ceremony and now I will eat the third lozenge and, in addition, I will take a cracker and a nut as a keepsake. Then I almost cried. Because she could reach everything, but I could not. I tell her:

And I, Lelisha, how do I put a chair by the Christmas tree and how do I also get myself something other than an apple.

And so I began to pull a chair to the Christmas tree with my thin little hands. But the chair fell on me. I wanted to lift a chair. But he fell again. And straight to gifts. Lelya says:

Minka, you seem to have broken the doll. And there is. You took the porcelain handle from the doll.

Then my mother's steps were heard, and Lelya and I ran into another room. Lelya says:

Now, Minka, I can't guarantee that mom won't kick you out.

I wanted to cry, but at that moment the guests arrived. Lots of kids with their parents. And then our mother lit all the candles on the Christmas tree, opened the door and said:

Everyone come in.

And all the children entered the room where the Christmas tree stood. Our mom says:

Now let every child come to me, and I will give everyone a toy and a treat.

And then the children began to approach our mother. And she gave everyone a toy. Then she took an apple, a lozenge and a candy from the tree and also gave it to the child. And all the children were very happy. Then my mother picked up the apple that I had bitten off and said:

Lelya and Minka, come here. Which one of you took a bite of that apple? Lela said:

This is Minka's work.

I pulled Lelya's pigtail and said:

It was Lelka who taught me. Mom says:

I'll put Lelya in a corner with my nose, and I wanted to give you a clockwork engine. But now I will give this clockwork engine to the boy to whom I wanted to give a bitten apple.

And she took the little engine and gave it to one four-year-old boy. And he immediately began to play with him. And I got angry with this boy and hit him on the arm with a toy. And he roared so desperately that his own mother took him in her arms and said:

From now on, I will not come to visit you with my boy. And I said

You can leave, and then the train will remain with me. And that mother was surprised at my words and said:

Your boy will probably be a robber. And then my mother took me in her arms and said to that mother:

Don't you dare talk about my boy like that. Better go with your scrofulous child and never come to us again. And that mother said:

I will do so. Hanging with you is like sitting in nettles. And then another, third mother, said:

And I'll leave too. My girl didn't deserve to be given a doll with a broken arm. And my sister Lelya screamed:

You can also leave with your scrofulous child. And then the doll with the broken handle will be left to me. And then I, sitting in my mother's arms, shouted:

In general, you can all leave, and then all the toys will remain with us. And then all the guests began to leave. And our mother was surprised that we were left alone. But suddenly our dad came into the room. He said:

This upbringing is ruining my children. I don't want them to fight, quarrel and kick guests out. It will be difficult for them to live in the world, and they will die alone. And dad went to the Christmas tree and put out all the candles. Then he said:

Go to bed immediately. And tomorrow I will give all the toys to the guests. And now, guys, thirty-five years have passed since then, and I still remember this tree well. And in all these thirty-five years, I, children, have never again eaten someone else's apple and never hit someone who is weaker than me. And now the doctors say that's why I'm so comparatively cheerful and good-natured.

Gold words

When I was little, I really liked to have dinner with adults. And my sister Lelya also loved such dinners no less than I did.

First, a variety of food was placed on the table. And this aspect of the matter particularly fascinated me and Lelya.

Secondly, adults always told Interesting Facts from your life. And this amused Lelya and me.

Of course, the first time we were quiet at the table. But then they got bolder. Lelya began to interfere in conversations. Chattered endlessly. And I, too, sometimes interjected my comments.

Our remarks made the guests laugh. And mom and dad at first were even pleased that the guests see such our mind and such our development.

But then this is what happened at one dinner.

Dad's boss started telling some incredible story about how he saved a fireman. This fireman looks like he died in a fire. And dad's boss pulled him out of the fire.

It is possible that there was such a fact, but only Lelya and I did not like this story.

And Lelya was sitting on pins and needles. She also remembered a story like this one, only more interesting. And she wanted to tell this story as soon as possible, so as not to forget it.

But my father's boss, as luck would have it, spoke extremely slowly. And Lelya could no longer endure.

Waving her hand in his direction, she said:

What's this! Here we have a girl in the yard ...

Lelya did not finish her thought, because her mother shushed her. And dad looked at her sternly.

Dad's boss blushed with anger. It became unpleasant for him that Lelya said about his story: “What is this!”

Addressing our parents, he said:

I don't understand why you put children with adults. They interrupt me. And now I've lost the thread of my story. Where did I stop?

Lelya, wanting to make amends for the incident, said:

You stopped at how the mad fireman said to you "merci". But it’s only strange that he could say anything at all, since he was mad and lay unconscious ... Here we have one girl in the yard ...

Lelya again did not finish her memoirs, because she received a slap from her mother.

The guests smiled. And my father's boss blushed even more with anger.

Seeing that things were bad, I decided to improve the situation. I told Lela:

There is nothing strange in what my father's boss said. It depends on how mad, Lelya. Other burned-out firefighters, although they lie in a swoon, can still speak. They are delirious. And they say they don't know what. So he said - "merci". And he himself, perhaps, wanted to say - "guard".

The guests laughed. And my father's boss, shaking with anger, said to my parents:

You are not raising your children well. They literally don’t let me utter a word - they interrupt me all the time with stupid remarks.

Grandmother, who was sitting at the end of the table by the samovar, said angrily, glancing at Lelya:

Look, instead of repenting for her behavior, this person again began to eat. Look, she hasn't even lost her appetite - she eats for two...

They carry water on the angry.

Grandmother did not hear these words. But my father's boss, who was sitting next to Lelya, took these words personally.

He gasped in surprise when he heard this.

Addressing our parents, he said:

Whenever I'm going to visit you and think about your children, I'm just reluctant to go to you.

Papa said:

In view of the fact that the children really behaved extremely cheekily and thus they did not justify our hopes, I forbid them from this day to dine with adults. Let them finish their tea and go to their room.

Having finished the sardines, Lelya and I retired to the cheerful laughter and jokes of the guests.

And since then, for two months, they did not sit down with adults.

And two months later, Lelya and I began to beg our father to allow us to dine with adults again. And our father, who was in a good mood that day, said:

Well, I will allow you to do this, but only I categorically forbid you to say anything at the table. One of your words, spoken aloud, and you will not sit at the table again.

And so, one fine day, we are again at the table, having dinner with adults.

This time we sit quietly and silently. We know dad's character. We know that if we say even half a word, our father will never again allow us to sit with adults.

But so far, Lelya and I are not suffering much from this prohibition to speak. Lelya and I eat for four and laugh among ourselves. We think that the adults even made a mistake by not allowing us to talk. Our mouths, free from conversations, are entirely occupied with food.

Lelya and I ate everything possible and switched to sweets.

After eating sweets and drinking tea, Lelya and I decided to go around the second circle - we decided to repeat the food from the very beginning, especially since our mother, seeing that the table was almost clean, brought new food.

I took a bun and cut off a piece of butter. And the oil was completely frozen - it was just taken out from behind the window.

I wanted to spread this frozen butter on a bun. But I couldn't do it. It was like stone.

And then I put the oil on the tip of the knife and began to heat it over the tea.

And since I had drunk my tea a long time ago, I began to heat this oil over the glass of my father's boss, with whom I was sitting next.

Dad's boss was saying something and didn't pay attention to me.

Meanwhile, the knife warmed over the tea. The oil melted a little. I wanted to spread it on a roll and already began to take my hand away from the glass. But then my oil suddenly slipped off the knife and fell right into the tea.

I froze with fear.

I stared wide-eyed at the oil that had flopped into the hot tea.

Then I looked around. But none of the guests noticed the incident.

Only Lelya saw what happened.

She began to laugh, looking first at me, then at the glass of tea.

But she laughed even more when her father's boss, telling something, began to stir his tea with a spoon.

He stirred it for a long time, so that all the butter melted without residue. And now the tea was like chicken broth.

Dad's boss took the glass in his hand and began to bring it to his mouth.

And although Lelya was extremely interested in what would happen next and what her father's boss would do when he swallowed this vodka, she was still a little scared. And she even opened her mouth to shout to her father’s boss: “Don’t drink!”

But, looking at dad and remembering that it was impossible to speak, she remained silent.

And I didn't say anything either. I just waved my hands and, without looking up, began to look into the mouth of my father's boss.

Meanwhile, my father's boss raised the glass to his mouth and took a long sip.

But then his eyes widened in surprise. He groaned, jumped up in his chair, opened his mouth and, grabbing a napkin, began to cough and spit.

Our parents asked him:

What happened to you?

Papa's boss couldn't say anything from fright.

He pointed to his mouth with his fingers, bellowed, and looked at his glass, not without fear.

Then all those present began to examine with interest the tea left in the glass.

Mom, after tasting this tea, said:

Do not be afraid, ordinary butter floats here, which has melted in hot tea.

Papa said:

Yes, but it's interesting to know how it got into the tea. Come on, kids, share your observations with us.

Having received permission to speak, Lelya said:

Minka was heating oil over a glass, and it fell.

Here Lelya, unable to stand it, laughed out loud.

Some of the guests also laughed. And some with a serious and preoccupied look began to examine their glasses.

Papa's boss said:

Thanks again for putting butter in my tea. They could pour tar. I wonder how I would feel if it was tar... Well, these kids are driving me crazy.

One of the guests said:

I'm interested in something else. The children saw that the oil fell into the tea. However, they didn't tell anyone about it. And allowed to drink such tea. And that is their main crime.

Hearing these words, my father's boss exclaimed:

Oh, really, nasty kids, why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't drink that tea then...

Lelya stopped laughing and said:

Dad told us not to talk at the table. That's why we didn't say anything.

Wiping my tears, I muttered:

Dad didn't tell us to say a single word. And then we would say something.

Dad smiled and said:

These are not ugly children, but stupid ones. Of course, on the one hand, it is good that they unquestioningly carry out orders. We must continue to do the same - follow orders and adhere to the rules that exist. But all this must be done wisely. If nothing happened, you had a sacred duty to remain silent. Oil got into tea or grandmother forgot to turn off the tap at the samovar - you need to shout. And instead of punishment, you would receive gratitude. Everything must be done taking into account the changed situation. And you need to write these words in golden letters in your heart. Otherwise it will be absurd.
Mom said:
- Or, for example, I do not order you to leave the apartment. Suddenly a fire. What are you, stupid children, going to hang around in the apartment until you burn down? On the contrary, you need to jump out of the apartment and raise a commotion.
Grandma said:
- Or, for example, I poured a second glass of tea for everyone. But I didn’t pour Lele. So I did the right thing? Everyone, except Lelya, laughed.
And dad said:
- You did not do the right thing, because the situation has changed again. It turned out that the children were not to blame. And if they are guilty, then in stupidity. Well, stupidity is not to be punished. We will ask you, grandmother, to pour Lele tea. All the guests laughed. And Lela and I applauded. But I didn’t understand my father’s words right away. But later I understood and appreciated these golden words. And these words, dear children, I have always adhered to in all cases of life. And in my personal affairs.

And in the war. And even, imagine, in my work. In my work, for example, I studied with the old magnificent masters. And I had a great temptation to write according to the rules by which they wrote. But I saw that the situation had changed. Life and the public are no longer the same as they were. And so I did not begin to imitate their rules. And maybe that's why I brought people not so much grief. And I was happy to some extent. However, even in ancient times one a wise man(who was being led to his execution) said: "No one can be called happy before his death." These were also golden words.

Do not lie

I studied for a very long time. Then there were high schools. And the teachers then put marks in the diaries for each lesson asked. They put some score - from five to one inclusive. And I was very small when I entered the gymnasium, the preparatory class. I was only seven years old. And I still didn’t know anything about what happens in gymnasiums. And for the first three months, I literally walked in a fog.

And then one day the teacher told us to memorize a poem:

The moon is merrily shining over the village,

White snow sparkles with a blue light ...

I didn't learn this poem. I didn't hear what the teacher said. I didn’t hear because the boys who were sitting behind me either slapped me on the back of the head with a book, or smeared ink on my ear, or pulled my hair and, when I jumped up in surprise, put a pencil or insert under me. And for this reason, I sat in the classroom, frightened and even stunned, and all the time I listened to what else the boys sitting behind were planning against me.

And the next day, the teacher, as luck would have it, called me and ordered me to read the assigned poem by heart. And not only did I not know him, but I did not even suspect that there was a

such poems. But out of timidity, I did not dare to tell the teacher that I did not know poetry. And completely stunned, he stood at his desk, not uttering a word.

But then the boys began to suggest these verses to me. And because of this, I began to babble what they whispered to me. And in this I had a chronic runny nose, and I could not hear well with one ear, and therefore it was difficult to make out what they told me. Even the first lines I somehow said. But when it came to the phrase: “The cross above the clouds burns like a candle”, I said “Crack under the boots like a candle hurts.”

There was laughter among the students. And the teacher laughed too. He said:

Come on, give me your diary! I'll put one in there for you.

And I cried because it was my first unit and I didn't know what it was. After the lessons, my sister Lelya came for me to go home together. On the way, I took a diary out of my knapsack, unfolded it on the page where the unit was placed, and said to Lelya:

Lelya, look, what is this? This was given to me by the teacher

poem "The moon shines merrily over the village."

Leia looked up and laughed. She said:

Minka, this is bad! It was your teacher who slapped you a unit in the Russian language. This is so bad that I doubt that dad will give you a photographic camera for your name day, which will be in two weeks.

I said:

But what to do?

Lelya said:

One of our students took and sealed two pages in her diary, where she had one. Her dad licked his fingers, but he couldn’t peel it off and never saw what was there.

I said:

Lyolya, it's not good to deceive your parents!

Lelya laughed and went home. And in a sad mood I went into the city garden, sat down on a bench there and, having unfolded the diary, looked with horror at the unit.

I sat in the garden for a long time. Then he went home. But as he approached the house, he suddenly remembered that he had left his diary on a bench in the garden. I ran back. But my diary was no longer on the bench in the garden. At first I was frightened, and then I was glad that now I don’t have a diary with this terrible unit with me.

I came home and told my father that I had lost my diary. And Lyolya laughed and winked at me when she heard these words of mine.

The next day, the teacher, having learned that I had lost the diary, gave me a new one. I opened this new diary with the hope that this time there

there is nothing wrong, but there was again a unit against the Russian language, even fatter than before.

And then I felt such annoyance and was so angry that I threw this diary behind the bookcase, which was in our classroom.

Two days later, the teacher, having learned that I did not have this diary either, filled out a new one. And, in addition to the unit in the Russian language, he brought me a deuce there in behavior. And he told my father to look at my diary without fail.

When I met Lelya after the lesson, she told me:

It won't be a lie if we temporarily seal the page. And a week after your name day, when you get your camera, we'll peel it off and show dad what was in there.

I really wanted to get a photographic camera, and Lyolya and I glued the corners of the ill-fated page of the diary. In the evening my father said:

Come on, show me your diary! Interesting to know if you picked up units?

Dad began to look at the diary, but he didn’t see anything bad there, because the page was sealed. And when dad was looking at my diary, suddenly someone called on the stairs. A woman came and said:

The other day I was walking in the city garden and there I found a diary on a bench. I learned the address by the last name and brought it to you so that you could tell if your son had lost this diary.

Dad looked at the diary and, seeing a unit there, understood everything.

He didn't yell at me. He just said softly:

People who lie and deceive are funny and comical, because sooner or later their lies will always be revealed. And there was no case in the world that any of the lies remained unknown.

I, red as a cancer, stood in front of my dad, and I was ashamed of his quiet words. I said:

Here's what: another of my, third, diary with a unit I threw at school behind a bookcase.

Instead of getting even angrier with me, dad smiled and beamed. He grabbed me in his arms and started kissing me.

He said:

The fact that you confessed this made me extremely happy. You admitted that you could remain unknown for a long time. And it gives me hope that you won't lie anymore. And for this I will give you a camera.

When Lelya heard these words, she thought that dad had gone crazy in his mind and now he gives everyone gifts not for fives, but for ones.

And then Lyolya went up to dad and said:

Daddy, I also got a D in physics today because I didn't learn my lesson.

But Lely's expectations were not justified. Dad got angry with her, kicked her out of his room and told her to immediately sit down to books.

And in the evening, when we went to bed, the phone suddenly rang. It was my teacher who came to my father. And said to him:

Today we had a cleaning in the classroom, and we found your son's diary behind the bookcase. How do you like this little liar and

a liar who abandoned his diary so that you would not see him?

Papa said:

I have personally heard about this diary from my son. He confessed this to me himself. So there is no reason to think that my son

incorrigible liar and deceiver.

The teacher said to dad:

Ah, that's how. You already know about it. In this case, it's a misunderstanding. Sorry. Good night.

And I, lying in my bed, hearing these words, wept bitterly. I made a promise to myself to always tell the truth.

And I really always do this now. Ah, it really can be very difficult, but on the other hand, my heart is cheerful and calm.

Grandma's gift

I had a grandmother. And she loved me very dearly.

She came to visit us every month and gave us toys. And in addition, she brought with her a whole basket of cakes. Of all the cakes, she let me choose the one that I like.

And my older sister Lelya was not very fond of my grandmother. And didn't let her choose the cakes. She herself gave her what she needed. And because of this, my sister Lelya every time whimpered and got more angry with me than with my grandmother.

One fine summer day, my grandmother came to our country house.

She has arrived at the dacha and is walking through the garden. She has a basket of cakes in one hand and a purse in the other.

And Lelya and I ran up to my grandmother and greeted her. And we saw with sadness that this time, except for cakes, grandmother brought us nothing.

And then my sister Lelya said to her grandmother:

Grandma, besides cakes, didn’t you bring us anything today?

And my grandmother got angry with Lelya and answered her like this:

I brought it, but I won’t give it to an ill-mannered person who asks so frankly about it. The gift will be received by the well-bred boy Minya, who is the best in the world, thanks to his tactful silence.

And with these words, my grandmother told me to stretch out my hand. And in my palm she put 10 brand new coins of 10 kopecks.

And here I stand, like a fool, and look with delight at the brand new coins that lie in my palm. And Lelya also looks at these coins. And he doesn't say anything.

Only her little eyes sparkle with an evil twinkle.

Grandmother admired me and went to drink tea.

And then Lelya hit my arm with force from the bottom up so that all my coins jumped up in my palm and fell into the ditch.

And I sobbed so loudly that all the adults came running - dad, mom and grandmother.

And all of them instantly bent down and began to look for my fallen coins.

And when all the coins were collected, except for one, the grandmother said:

You see how I did the right thing by not giving Lelka a single coin! Here she is, what an envious person: "If he thinks it's not for me, then it's not for him!" Where, by the way, is this villain at the moment?

To avoid the beating, Lelya, it turns out, climbed a tree and, sitting on a tree, teased me and my grandmother with her tongue. The neighbor's boy Pavlik wanted to shoot Lelya with a slingshot in order to take her down from the tree. But the grandmother did not allow him to do this, because Lelya could fall and break her leg. Grandmother did not go to this extreme and even wanted to take away his slingshot from the boy.

And then the boy got angry with all of us, including my grandmother, and fired at her from a distance with a slingshot.

Grandmother gasped and said:

How do you like it? Because of this villain, I was hit with a slingshot. No, I will not come to you anymore, so as not to have such stories. Better bring me my nice boy Minya. And every time, in defiance of Lelka, I will give him gifts.

Papa said:

Good. I will do so. But, only you, mother, praise Minka in vain! Of course, Lelya did not do well. But Minka is also not one of the best boys in the world. The best boy in the world is the one who would give his sister a few coins, seeing that she has nothing. And by this he would not have brought his sister to anger and envy.

Sitting on her tree, Lelka said:

And the best grandmother in the world is the one who gives something to all the children, and not just to Minka, who, due to his stupidity or cunning, is silent and therefore receives gifts and cakes!

Grandma didn't want to stay in the garden anymore. And all the adults went to drink tea on the balcony.

Then I said to Lela:

Lelya, get off the tree! I will give you two coins.

Lelya got down from the tree, and I gave her two coins. And in good mood went to the balcony and said to the adults:

After all, Grandma was right. I am the best boy in the world - I just gave Lele two coins.

Grandma gasped in delight. And my mother gasped too. But dad, frowning, said:

No, the best boy in the world is the one who does something good and doesn't brag about it afterwards.

And then I ran into the garden, found my sister and gave her another coin. And he didn't say anything about it to the adults. In total, Lelka had three coins, and she found the fourth coin in the grass, where she hit me on the arm. And with all these four coins, Lelka bought ice cream. And she ate it for two hours.

Galoshes and ice cream

When I was little, I really liked ice cream.

Of course, I still love him. But then it was something special - I loved ice cream so much.

And when, for example, an ice cream man was driving down the street with his cart, I immediately felt dizzy: before that I wanted to eat what the ice cream man was selling.

And my sister Lelya also exclusively loved ice cream.

And she and I dreamed that when we grow up big, we will eat ice cream at least three or even four times a day.

But at that time we very rarely ate ice cream. Our mother wouldn't let us eat it. She was afraid that we would catch a cold and fall ill. And for this reason, she did not give us money for ice cream.

And one summer Lelya and I were walking in our garden. And Lelya found a galosh in the bushes. Ordinary rubber galoshes. And very worn and torn. Someone must have dropped it because it ripped.

So Lelya found this galosh and put it on a stick for fun. And he walks around the garden, waving this stick over his head.

Suddenly, a rag-picker walks down the street. Shouts: "I buy bottles, cans, rags!".

Seeing that Lelya was holding a galosh on a stick, the rag-picker said to Lelya:

Hey girl, are you selling galoshes?

Lelya thought it was some kind of game, and answered the rag-picker:

Yes, I'm selling. This galosh costs one hundred rubles.

The rag-picker laughed and said:

No, a hundred rubles is too expensive for this galosh. But if you want, girl, I'll give you two kopecks for her, and you and I will part as friends.

And with these words, the rag-picker pulled out a purse from his pocket, gave Lelya two kopecks, put our tattered galosh into his bag, and left.

Lelya and I realized that this was not a game, but in reality. And they were very surprised.

The rag-picker has long gone, and we stand and look at our coin.

Suddenly, an ice cream man walks down the street and shouts:

Strawberry ice cream!

Lelya and I ran up to the ice cream man, bought two balls from him for a penny, ate them instantly and began to regret that we had sold the galosh so cheaply.

The next day, Lelya says to me:

Minka, today I decided to sell the rag-picker one more galosh.

I rejoiced and said:

Lelya, did you find a galosh in the bushes again?

Lelya says:

There is nothing else in the bushes. But in our hallway there are probably, I think, at least fifteen galoshes. If we sell one, then it will not be bad for us.

And with these words, Lelya ran to the dacha and soon appeared in the garden with one fairly good and almost brand new galoshes.

Lela said:

If a rag-picker bought from us for two kopecks such a dud as we sold him last time, then he will probably give at least a ruble for this almost new galosh. Imagine how much ice cream you can buy with that money.

We waited for an hour for the appearance of the rag-picker, and when we finally saw him, Lelya said to me:

Minka, this time you are selling a galosh. You are a man, and you are talking to a rag-picker. And then he will give me two kopecks again. And this is too little for us.

I put a galosh on a stick and began to wave the stick over my head.

The rag-picker came up to the garden and asked:

What, is the galosh for sale again?

I whispered softly:

For sale.

The rag-picker, examining the galosh, said:

What a pity, children, that you are selling everything to me one by one. For this one galosh I will give you a nickel. And if you sold me two galoshes at once, you would get twenty or even thirty kopecks. Since two galoshes are immediately more needed by people. And that makes them go up in price.

Lela told me:

Minka, run to the dacha and bring another galosh from the hallway.

I ran home and soon brought some very large galoshes.

The rag-picker put these two galoshes side by side on the grass and, sighing sadly, said:

No, children, you completely upset me with your trading. One is a lady's galosh, the other is from a man's foot, judge for yourself: why do I need such galoshes? I wanted to give you a nickel for one galosh, but, putting two galoshes together, I see that this will not happen, since the matter has worsened from addition. Get four kopecks for two galoshes, and we will part as friends.

Lelya wanted to run home to bring something else from the galoshes, but at that moment her mother's voice was heard. It was my mother who called us home, because our mother's guests wanted to say goodbye to us. The rag-picker, seeing our confusion, said:

So, friends, for these two galoshes you could get four kopecks, but instead you get three kopecks, since I deduct one kopeck for wasting time on empty talk with children.

The rag-picker gave Lelya three kopeck pieces and, putting the galoshes in a bag, left.

Lelya and I immediately ran home and began to say goodbye to my mother's guests: Aunt Olya and Uncle Kolya, who were already getting dressed in the hallway.

Suddenly Aunt Olya said:

What an oddity! One of my galoshes is here, under the hanger, and for some reason the other one is not there.

Lelya and I turned pale. And they didn't move.

Aunt Olga said:

I perfectly remember that I came in two galoshes. And now there is only one, and where the second is unknown.

Uncle Kolya, who was also looking for his galoshes, said:

What nonsense is in the sieve! I also remember very well that I came in two galoshes, nevertheless, I don’t have my second galoshes either.

Hearing these words, Lelya unclenched her fist in excitement, in which she had money, and three kopeck coins fell to the floor with a clang.

Dad, who also saw off the guests, asked:

Lelya, where did you get this money from?

Lelya began to lie, but dad said:

What could be worse than a lie!

Then Lelya began to cry. And I cried too. And we said

We sold two galoshes to a rag-picker to buy ice cream.

Papa said:

Worse than lying is what you did.

When she heard that the galoshes had been sold to a rag-picker, Aunt Olya turned pale and staggered. And Uncle Kolya also staggered and clutched his heart with his hand. But dad told them:

Don't worry, Aunt Olya and Uncle Kolya, I know what we need to do so that you are not left without galoshes. I'll take all Lelin's and Minka's toys, sell them to a rag-picker, and with the proceeds we'll buy you new galoshes.

Lelya and I roared when we heard this verdict. But daddy said:

That's not all. For two years, I forbid Lelya and Minka to eat ice cream. And two years later, they can eat it, but every time they eat ice cream, let them remember this sad story.

On the same day, dad collected all our toys, called a rag-maker and sold him everything we had. And with the money received, our father bought galoshes for Aunt Olya and Uncle Kolya.

And now, children, many years have passed since then. For the first two years, Lelya and I really never ate ice cream. And then they began to eat it and every time, eating, they involuntarily remembered what happened to us.

And even now, children, when I have become quite an adult and even a little old, even now sometimes, eating ice cream, I feel some kind of constriction and some kind of awkwardness in my throat. And at the same time, every time, out of my childish habit, I think: "Did I deserve this sweet, did I lie or cheat someone?"

Now a lot of people eat ice cream, because we have whole huge factories in which this pleasant dish is made.

Thousands of people and even millions eat ice cream, and I, children, would really like that all people, eating ice cream, would think about what I think about when I eat this sweet.

Thirty years later

My parents loved me very dearly when I was little. And they gave me many gifts.

But when I got sick with something, my parents literally then showered me with gifts.

And for some reason, I often fell ill. Mainly mumps or tonsillitis.

And my sister Lelya almost never fell ill. And she was jealous that I got sick so often.

She said:

Just wait, Minka, I’ll also fall ill somehow, so our parents, too, I suppose will start buying everything for me.

But, as luck would have it, Lelya did not get sick. And only once, putting a chair by the fireplace, she fell and broke her forehead. She groaned and moaned, but instead of the expected gifts, she received a few slaps from our mother, because she put a chair to the fireplace and wanted to get her mother's watch, and this was forbidden.

And then one day our parents went to the theater, and Lelya and I stayed in the room. And we began to play with her on a small table billiards.

And during the game, Lelya gasped and said:

Minka, I just accidentally swallowed a billiard ball. I held it in my mouth, and it fell through my throat inside.

And we had for billiards, although small, but surprisingly heavy metal balls. And I was afraid that Lelya swallowed such a heavy ball. And he cried because he thought she was going to have an explosion in her stomach.

But Lela said:

This explosion does not happen. But the disease can last forever. It's not like your mumps and tonsillitis, which go away in three days.

Lelya lay down on the sofa and began to groan.

Soon our parents came and I told them what had happened.

And my parents were scared to the point that they turned pale. They rushed to the sofa on which Lelka was lying, and began to kiss her and cry.

And through tears, mother asked Lelka what she felt in her stomach. And Lela said:

I can feel the ball rolling around inside me. And it tickles me and I want cocoa and oranges.

Dad put on his coat and said:

With all care, undress Lelya and put her to bed. In the meantime, I run to the doctor.

Mom began to undress Lelya, but when she took off her dress and apron, a billiard ball suddenly fell out of the apron pocket and rolled under the bed.

Papa, who had not left yet, frowned extremely. He went to the pool table and counted the remaining balls. And there were fifteen of them, and the sixteenth ball lay under the bed.

Papa said:

Lelya deceived us. There is not a single ball in her stomach: they are all here.

Mom said:

This is an abnormal and even crazy girl. Otherwise, I can not explain her act in any way.

Dad never beat us, but then he pulled Lelya by the pigtail and said:

Explain what this means?

Lelya whimpered and could not find what to answer.

Papa said:

She wanted to play a joke on us. But jokes are bad with us! She won't get anything from me for a whole year. And for a whole year she will walk in old shoes and in an old blue dress, which she does not like so much!

And our parents slammed the door and left the room.

And I, looking at Lelya, could not help laughing. I told her:

Lelya, it would be better if you waited until you fall ill with a mumps than go to such lies to receive gifts from our parents.

And now, imagine, thirty years have passed!

Thirty years have passed since that little billiard ball accident.

And in all these years, I have never once thought about this incident.

And only recently, when I began to write these stories, I remembered everything that happened. And I started thinking about it. And it seemed to me that Lelya deceived her parents not at all in order to receive gifts that she already had. She deceived them, apparently for something else.

And when this thought occurred to me, I got on the train and went to Simferopol, where Lelya lived. And Lelya was already, imagine, an adult and even already a little bit old woman. And she had three children and a husband - a sanitary doctor.

And so I arrived in Simferopol and asked Lelya:

Lelya, do you remember this incident with the billiard ball? Why did you do that?

And Lelya, who had three children, blushed and said:

When you were little, you were cute as a doll. And everyone loved you. And then I grew up and was a clumsy girl. And that's why I then lied that I had swallowed a billiard ball - I wanted everyone to love and pity me just like you, even as a patient.

And I told her:

Lelya, I came to Simferopol for this.

And I kissed her and hugged her tightly. And he gave her a thousand rubles.

And she cried with happiness, because she understood my feelings and appreciated my love.

And then I gave her children each a hundred rubles for toys. And to her husband, a sanitary doctor, he gave his cigarette case, on which was written in gold letters: "Be happy."

Then I gave another thirty rubles for the cinema and sweets to her children and told them:

Silly little owls! I gave you this so that you can better remember the moment you are experiencing, and so that you know what you need to do in the future.

The next day I left Simferopol and on the way I thought about the need to love and pity people, even those who are good. And sometimes you need to give them some gifts. And then those who give, and those who receive, feel great in their souls.

And those who do not give people anything, but instead present them with unpleasant surprises - they have a gloomy and disgusting soul. Such people wither, wither, and suffer from nervous eczema. Their memory is weakening, and the mind is darkened. And they die prematurely.

And the good, on the contrary, live extremely long and are distinguished by good health.

Great Travelers

When I was six years old, I didn't know that the Earth was spherical.

But Styopka, the master's son, with whose parents we lived in the dacha, explained to me what land is. He said:

The earth is a circle. And if everything goes straight, you can go around the whole Earth and still come to the very place where you came from.

And when I did not believe, Styopka hit me on the back of the head and said:

I'd rather go on a round-the-world trip with your sister Lelya than I'll take you. I have no interest in traveling with fools.

But I wanted to travel, and I gave Styopka a penknife. Styopka liked my knife, and he agreed to take me on a trip around the world.

Styopka arranged in the garden general meeting travelers. And there he said to me and Lele:

Tomorrow, when your parents leave for the city, and my mother goes to the river to do laundry, we will do what we have planned. We will go straight and straight, crossing mountains and deserts. And we will go straight ahead until we come back here, even if it took us a whole year.

Lela said:

And if, Stepochka, we meet Indians?

As for the Indians, - answered Styopa, - we will take the Indian tribes as prisoners.

And who do not want to go into captivity? I asked timidly.

Those who do not want to, - answered Styopa, - those we will not take prisoner.

Lela said:

I will take three rubles from my piggy bank. I think that we will have enough of this money.

Stepka said:

Three rubles will certainly be enough for us, because we only need money to buy seeds and sweets. As for food, we will kill small animals on the way, and we will roast their tender meat on a fire.

Styopka ran to the barn and brought out a large sack of flour. And in this bag we began to collect things needed for long journeys. We put bread and sugar and a piece of bacon in a bag, then put various dishes - plates, glasses, forks and knives. Then, after thinking, they put in colored pencils, a magic lantern, a clay washstand and a magnifying glass for lighting fires. And, besides, they stuffed two blankets and a pillow from the ottoman into the bag.

In addition, I prepared three slingshots, a fishing rod and a net for catching tropical butterflies.

And the next day, when our parents left for the city, and Stepka's mother went to the river to rinse clothes, we left our village of Peski.

We went along the road through the forest.

Stepkin's dog Tuzik ran ahead. Styopka followed her with a huge sack over his head. Stepka was followed by Lelya with a skipping rope. And I followed Lelya with three slingshots, a net and a fishing rod.

We walked for about an hour.

Finally Styopa said:

The bag is insanely heavy. And I won't carry it alone. Let everyone take turns carrying this bag.

Then Lelya took this bag and carried it.

But she did not carry long, because she was exhausted.

She threw the bag on the ground and said:

Now let Minka carry it.

When they put this bag on me, I gasped in surprise, this bag turned out to be so heavy.

But I was even more surprised when I walked with this bag along the road. I was bent to the ground, and, like a pendulum, I swayed from side to side, until finally, after walking ten paces, I fell into a ditch with this bag.

And I fell into a ditch in a strange way. First, a bag fell into a ditch, and after the bag, right on all these things, I also dived. And although I was light, nevertheless I managed to break all the glasses, almost all the plates and the clay washstand.

Lelya and Styopka were dying of laughter as they watched me flounder in the ditch. And so they were not angry with me when they found out what losses I caused by my fall. Lyolya and Minka: Great Travelers (story)

Styopka whistled the dog and wanted to adapt it for carrying weights. But nothing came of it, because Tuzik did not understand what we wanted from him. Yes, and we didn’t understand well how we could adapt Tuzik for this.

Taking advantage of our thinking, Tuzik gnawed through the bag and ate all the fat in an instant.

Then Styopka ordered us all to carry this bag together.

Grabbing the corners, we carried the bag. But it was uncomfortable and hard to carry. Nevertheless, we walked for another two hours. And finally they came out of the forest to the lawn.

Here Styopka decided to make a halt. He said:

Whenever we rest or when we go to bed, I will stretch my legs in the direction in which we need to go. All great travelers have done this, and because of this they have not strayed from their straight path.

And Styopka sat down by the road, stretching his legs forward.

We untied the bag and began to eat.

We ate bread sprinkled with granulated sugar.

Suddenly, wasps began to circle above us. And one of them, apparently wanting to taste my sugar, stung me on the cheek. Soon my cheek was swollen like a pie. And I, on the advice of Styopka, began to apply moss, damp earth and leaves to it.

I walked behind everyone, whining and whimpering. My cheek burned and ached.

Lelya was also not happy about the trip. She sighed and dreamed of returning home, saying that home is also good.

But Styopka forbade us to think about it. He said:

Anyone who wants to return home, I will tie to a tree and leave to be eaten by ants.

We continued to walk in a bad mood.

And only Tuzik's mood was wow.

With his tail up, he rushed after the birds and with his barking brought unnecessary noise into our journey.

Finally it got dark.

Styopka threw the sack on the ground. And we decided to spend the night here.

We collected firewood for the fire. And Styopka took out a magnifying glass from the bag to kindle a fire.

But not finding the sun in the sky, Styopka became despondent. And we were upset too.

And, having eaten bread, they lay down in the dark. Lelya and Minka: Great Travelers (story)

Styopka solemnly lay down with his feet forward, saying that in the morning it would be clear to us which way to go.

Styopka immediately began to snore. And Acey sniffed too. But Lelya and I could not sleep for a long time. We were frightened by the dark forest and the noise of the trees.

Lelya suddenly mistook a dry branch under her head for a snake and squealed in horror.

A fallen cone from a tree scared me to the point that I jumped on the ground like a ball.

Finally we dozed off.

I woke up from the fact that Lelya was tugging at my shoulders. It was an early morning. And the sun hasn't risen yet.

Lelya whispered to me:

Minka, while Styopka is sleeping, let's turn his legs into reverse side. And then he will lead us where Makar did not drive calves.

We looked at Stepka. He slept with a blissful smile.

Lelya and I grabbed his legs and in an instant turned them in the opposite direction, so that Styopka's head described a semicircle.

But Styopka did not wake up from this.

He only groaned in his sleep and waved his arms, muttering: “Hey, here, to me…”

He probably dreamed that he was attacked by the Indians and he was calling us for help.

We began to wait for Styopka to wake up.

He woke up with the first rays of the sun and, looking at his feet, said:

We would be good if I lay my feet anywhere. So we wouldn't know which way to go. And now, thanks to my legs, it is clear to all of us that we must go there.

And Styopka waved his hand in the direction of the road along which we had been walking yesterday.

We ate bread and set off. Lyolya and Minka: Great Travelers (story)

The road was familiar. And Styopka kept opening his mouth in surprise. However, he said:

The trip around the world differs from other trips in that everything repeats itself, since the Earth is a circle.

Wheels creaked from behind. This is some uncle riding in an empty cart. Stepka said:

For the speed of travel and in order to quickly circumnavigate the Earth, it would not be bad for us to sit in this cart.

We began to ask to be taken. The good-natured uncle stopped the cart and allowed us to get into it.

We rolled quickly. And we drove for less than an hour. Suddenly, our village Peski appeared ahead. Styopka, opening his mouth in amazement, said:

Here is a village exactly like our village Peski. This happens when traveling around the world.

But Styopka was even more amazed when we drove up to the pier.

We got out of the cart.

There was no doubt - this was our pier, and a steamer had just approached it.

Stepka whispered:

Have we circled the earth?

Lelya snorted, and I laughed too.

But then we saw our parents and our grandmother on the pier - they had just left the ship.

And next to them we saw our nanny, who was crying and saying something.

We ran to our parents.

And the parents laughed with joy that they saw us.

The nanny said:

Ah, children, I thought you drowned yesterday.

Lela said:

If we drowned yesterday, we would not be able to go on a trip around the world.

Mom exclaimed:

What do I hear! They must be punished.

Papa said:

All is well that ends well.

Grandmother, tearing off a branch, said:

I propose to flog the children. Let Minka be whipped by mom. And I take on Lelya.

Papa said:

Spanking is an old method of raising children. And it doesn't do any good. Children, I suppose, even without a spanking realized what a stupid thing they had done.

Mom sighed and said:

I have stupid kids. Go on a trip around the world, not knowing the multiplication tables and geography - well, what is it!

Dad said: Lyolya and Minka: Great travelers (story)

It is not enough to know geography and the multiplication table. To travel around the world, you must have higher education in five courses. You need to know everything that is taught there, including cosmography. And those who embark on a long journey without this knowledge come to sad results, deserving of regret.

With these words we came home. And sat down to dinner. And our parents laughed and gasped as they listened to our stories of yesterday's adventure.

As for Styopka, his mother locked him up in the bathhouse, and there our great traveler spent the whole day.

And the next day, his mother let him out. And we began to play with him as if nothing had happened.

It remains to say a few words about Tuzik.

Tuzik ran after the cart for an hour and was very overtired. Running home, he climbed into the barn and slept there until evening. And in the evening, having eaten, he fell asleep again, and what he saw in a dream remains shrouded in the darkness of uncertainty.

exemplary child

There lived a little boy Pavlik in Leningrad.

He had a mother. And there was dad. And there was a grandmother.

And in addition, a cat called Bubenchik lived in their apartment.

That morning, my dad went to work. Mom left too. And Pavlik stayed with his grandmother.

And my grandmother was very old. And she loved to sleep in the armchair.

So dad is gone. And mom left. Grandma sat down in a chair. And Pavlik began to play with his cat on the floor. He wanted her to walk on her hind legs. But she didn't want to. And meowed very plaintively.

Suddenly, the bell rang on the stairs. Grandmother and Pavlik went to open the doors. It's the postman. He brought a letter. Pavlik took the letter and said:

I'll pass it on to my dad.

The postman has left. Pavlik wanted to play with his cat again. And suddenly he sees that the cat is nowhere to be found. Peacock says to grandmother:

Grandma, that's the number - our Bell is gone! Grandma says:

Bubenchik must have run up the stairs when we opened the door for the postman.

Peacock says:

No, it must have been the postman who took my Bell. He probably gave us a letter on purpose, and took my trained cat for himself. It was a cunning postman.

Grandmother laughed and said jokingly:

Tomorrow the postman will come, we will give him this letter and in return we will take our cat back from him.

Here the grandmother sat down in a chair and fell asleep.

And Pavlik put on his overcoat and cap, took the letter, and quietly went out onto the stairs.

“Better,” he thinks, “I will now give the letter to the postman. And I'd rather take my kitty from him now.

Here Pavlik went out into the yard. And he sees that there is no postman in the yard.

Peacock went outside. And walked down the street. And he sees that there is no postman anywhere on the street either.
Suddenly, one red-haired aunt says:
- Oh, look at all, what a little kid is walking alone down the street! He must have lost his mother and got lost. Ah, call the policeman soon!

Here comes a policeman with a whistle. Aunt says to him:

Look, what a boy, about five years old, got lost.

Policeman says:

This boy is holding a letter in his pen. Probably, on this letter is written the address where he lives. We will read this address and deliver the child home. It's good that he took the letter with him.

Auntie says:

In America, many parents deliberately put letters in their children's pockets so that they don't get lost.

And with these words, the aunt wants to take a letter from Pavlik.

Peacock says to her:

What are you worried about? I know where I live.

The aunt was surprised that the boy had told her so boldly. And almost fell into a puddle from excitement. Then he says:

Look what a lively boy! Let him then tell us where he lives.

Peacock replies:

Fontanka street, five.

The policeman looked at the letter and said:

Wow, that's a fighting kid - he knows where he lives. Aunt says to Pavlik:

What is your name and who is your dad? Peacock says:

My dad is a driver. Mom went to the store. Grandma is sleeping in a chair. And my name is Pavlik.

The policeman laughed and said:

This is a fighting, demonstrative child - he knows everything. He will probably be a police chief when he grows up.

The aunt says to the policeman:

Take this boy home. The policeman says to Pavlik:

Well, little comrade, let's go home. Pavlik says to the policeman:

Give me your hand - I will bring you to my house. Here is my red house.

Here the policeman laughed. And the red-haired aunt also laughed.

The policeman said:

This is an exceptionally fighting, demonstrative child. Not only does he know everything, he also wants to bring me home. This child will certainly be the head of the police.

So the policeman gave his hand to Pavlik, and they went home.

As soon as they reached their house, suddenly mom is coming.

Mom was surprised that Pavlik was walking down the street, she took him in her arms and brought him home.

At home, she scolded him a little. She said:

Oh, you nasty boy, why did you run out into the street?

Peacock said:

I wanted to take my Bell from the postman. And then my Bubenchik disappeared and, probably, the postman took it.

Mom said:

What nonsense! Postmen never take cats. There is your bell sitting on the closet.

Peacock says:

That's the number! Look where my trained kitty jumped.

Mom says:

Probably you, the nasty boy, tormented her, so she climbed onto the closet.

Suddenly my grandmother woke up.

Grandmother, not knowing what happened, tells her mother:

Today Pavlik is very quiet and well-behaved. And he didn't even wake me up. You should give him candy for that.

Mom says:

He should not be given candy, but put in a corner with his nose. He ran outside today.

Grandma says:

That's the number!

Suddenly dad comes.

Dad wanted to get angry, why the boy ran out into the street. But Pavlik gave dad a letter.

Papa says:

This letter is not for me, but for my grandmother.

Then she says:

In the city of Moscow, my youngest daughter had another child.

Peacock says:

Probably a war baby was born. And, probably, he will be the chief of militia.

Everyone laughed and sat down to eat.

The first one was soup with rice. On the second - cutlets. On the third was kissel.

The cat Bubenchik looked for a long time from her closet as Pavlik was eating. Then I could not stand it and also decided to eat a little.

She jumped from the closet to the dresser, from the dresser to the chair, from the chair to the floor.

And then Pavlik gave her a little soup and a little jelly.

And the cat was very pleased with it.

The most important

Once upon a time there lived a boy Andryusha Ryzhenky. It was a cowardly boy. He was afraid of everything. He was afraid of dogs, cows, geese, mice, spiders and even roosters.

But most of all he was afraid of other people's boys.

And the mother of this boy was very, very sad that she had such a cowardly son.

One fine morning, the boy's mother said to him:

Oh, how bad that you're afraid of everything! Only brave people live well in the world. Only they defeat enemies, put out fires and bravely fly planes. And for this everyone loves brave people. And everyone respects them. They give them gifts and give orders and medals. And no one likes a coward. They are laughed at and made fun of. And because of this, their life is bad, boring and uninteresting.

The most important thing (story)

The boy Andryusha answered his mother like this:

From now on, mother, I decided to be a brave man. And with these words, Andryusha went into the yard for a walk. The boys were playing football in the yard. These boys, as a rule, offended Andryusha.

And he was afraid of them like fire. And he always ran away from them. But today he did not run away. He called out to them:

Hey you boys! Today I am not afraid of you! The boys were surprised that Andryusha called out to them so boldly. And they were even a little scared. And even one of them - Sanka Palochkin - said:

Today Andryushka Ryzhenky is planning something against us. Let's better leave, otherwise we, perhaps, will get from him.

But the boys didn't leave. One pulled Andryusha by the nose. Another knocked his cap off his head. The third boy poked Andryusha with his fist. In short, they beat Andryusha a little. And he returned home with a roar.

And at home, wiping away tears, Andryusha said to his mother:

Mom, I was brave today, but nothing good came of it.

Mom said:

Foolish boy. It's not enough to just be brave, you have to be strong. Courage alone can't do anything.

And then Andryusha, unnoticed by his mother, took his grandmother's stick and with this stick went into the yard. I thought: “Now I will be stronger than usual. Now I will disperse the boys in different directions if they attack me.

Andryusha went out into the yard with a stick. And there were no more boys in the yard.

The most important thing (story)

A black dog was walking there, which Andryusha was always afraid of.

Waving a stick, Andryusha said to this dog: - Just try to bark at me - you will get what you deserve. You'll know what a stick is when it walks over your head.

The dog began to bark and rush at Andryusha. Waving the stick, Andryusha hit the dog twice on the head, but the dog ran in behind and slightly tore Andryusha's pants.

And Andryusha ran home with a roar. And at home, wiping away tears, he said to his mother:

Mom, how is it? I was strong and brave today, but nothing good came of it. The dog tore my pants and nearly bit me.

Mom said:

Oh you stupid little boy! It is not enough to be brave and strong. You still need to be smart. You have to think and think. And you acted stupid. You brandished the stick and it made the dog angry. That's why she tore your pants. It's your fault.

Andryusha said to his mother: - From now on, I will think every time when something happens.

The most important

And Andryusha Ryzhenky went out for a walk for the third time. But there was no longer a dog in the yard. And there were no boys either.

Then Andryusha Ryzhenky went out into the street to see where the boys were.

The boys were swimming in the river. And Andryusha began to watch them bathe.

And at that moment one boy, Sanka Palochkin, drowned in the water and began to shout:

Oh, save me, I'm drowning!

And the boys were afraid that he was drowning, and ran to call the adults to save Sanka.

Andryusha Ryzhenky shouted to Sanka:

Get ready to sink! I will save you now.

Andryusha wanted to throw himself into the water, but then he thought: “Oh, I don’t swim well, and I don’t have enough strength to save Sanka. I will act smarter: I will get into the boat and swim up to Sanka on the boat.

And there was a fishing boat on the shore. Andryusha pushed the boat away from the shore and jumped into it himself.

And there were oars in the boat. Andryusha began to hit the water with these oars. But he did not succeed: he did not know how to row. And the current carried the fishing boat to the middle of the river. And Andryusha began to scream from fear.

The most important thing (story)

At that moment, another boat was sailing along the river. And there were people in that boat.

These people saved Sanya Palochkin. And besides, these people caught up with the fishing boat, took it in tow and brought it to the shore.

Andryusha went home and at home, wiping away his tears, he said to his mother:

Mom, I was brave today, I wanted to save the boy. Today I was smart, because I did not jump into the water, but swam in a boat. I was strong today because I pushed the heavy boat off the shore and pounded the water with heavy oars. But I didn't get anything.

The most important thing (story)

Mom said:

Foolish boy! I forgot to tell you the most important thing. It is not enough to be brave, smart and strong. This is too little. You also need to have knowledge. You have to know how to row, how to swim, how to ride a horse, how to fly an airplane. There is a lot to know. You need to know arithmetic and algebra, chemistry and geometry. And in order to know all this, you need to study. Who learns, he is smart. And who is smart, he must be brave. And everyone loves the brave and smart, because they defeat enemies, put out fires, save people and fly airplanes.

Andryusha said:

From now on I will learn everything.

And mama said