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Olaf Jacobsen I no longer report to you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences when entering into a new relationship. Amazing transformations shape our everyday lives

Ich stehe nicht mehr zur Verfügung. Die Folgen. Mit Kritik ausgeglichen und liebevoll umgehen

Published in 20011 under license from Windpferd Verlagsgesellschaft mbH, 87561, Obertsdorf, Germany, with the assistance of Mediana Agency, Russia.

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Magic look

It's great to have you here!

Welcome to my personal reality.

Some of you are here for the first time, others are already familiar with the previous book “I Am No Longer Submit to You” and are now reading its sequel; you don’t have to remember what you read or specifically look for that book in order to pre-read it. I conceived this one not only as a continuation of the first, but also as an independent work.

The previous book ended with the words:

“What I have described here is my reality. What is yours?”

It's the same here. You will be able to immerse yourself in my reality and look at the world and yourself in it - through my personal glasses. True, this time it’s a little different.

To begin, I will immediately provide an overview of the main topics. This will allow you to determine whether you will even read this book and whether you actually want to try on my glasses.

Next, I will cover the proposed topics in detail and provide special exercises, the implementation of which will help you get acquainted with various relationships and interesting branches in order to develop my “magic” view. At the same time, many topics will appear independently of each other, and only at the end of the third chapter will I bring them together, and you will understand all the relationships.

Let me offer you small instructions about how to read this book correctly.

So, if while reading your thoughts begin to wander somewhere, if the process of reading or understanding becomes difficult for you, put the book down. Later, if you become curious about what's next, pick up the book again and continue reading.

If you read the book not in page order, but selectively, in chunks or separate passages, rereading it again, you may begin to notice more patterns in your everyday life or discover something new in the book that you previously unintentionally missed.

The exercises proposed in the book are composed suggestively, so it will be easy for those who strive for the goal to which the exercise is aimed. For those who have other goals, it is advisable to look at them and at the exercises as if from the outside, in order to determine whether these exercises correspond to his personal goals in principle. And in general, we should not forget that each person is responsible for every result of any of his actions or inactions, be it reading a book and doing the exercises suggested in it or, conversely, refusing to read this book and the exercises suggested in it. Responsibility for the consequences - in both cases - rests solely with you.

If you are already overcome by curiosity: “How will it all end here?” - and you want to shorten the process, I - no joke, quite seriously - recommend that you read the book immediately from chapter 3.

My ultimate goal as an author is that thanks to a new, magical perspective, you can feel better in everyday life and learn to deal with unpleasant situations more easily. Of course, there is no guarantee that this “magic” will be mastered by you, but in many ways it depends, you see, on your current reality and your future desires and actions.

The publication of the previous book in 2007 resulted in not only reader enthusiasm, but also criticism, and in most cases destructive. Constructive was extremely rare.

What is the difference between these two types of criticism for me personally? The dictionary describes the word “constructive” as “aimed at preserving, strengthening and expanding something already existing and for this purpose offering something useful.”

A constructive critic rarely generalizes, he speaks clearly, e.g. : “I can’t understand what you wrote on page 20. It seems somehow disconnected from everything else. From my point of view, it would be clearer if you..." In comparison with such a statement, a destructive critic would formulate his complaints something like this: “Your views are somehow scattered, as if torn!” He generalizes and claims that all my views are “like this.”

A constructive critic looks at everything in detail, can accurately justify his point, explain a logical connection, or tell me about the experience that lies behind his reality.

The decisive point in this case is that I emotionally openly perceive a constructive critic during his reasoning. He does not evaluate me personally, his tone is calm, not irritated, he does not reproach me and is friendly. He is able to understand my position and accept it, put it into words so that I can respond adequately: “Yes, you noticed that correctly, that’s exactly how I see it”. He reports his own reality not as dominant, but as equal to mine: “From my point of view, I would explain it like this...” He strives to be understood by me and therefore gives additional explanations, clarifies, so that I can better understand what exactly he means. He either convinces me - and then I expand my reality, or we agree that we disagree on something, and for both of us this is normal.

If I feel that a constructive critic has misunderstood me, I can explain to him what exactly he did not understand. It is open to intense exchange until each of us understands each other. He acknowledges and respects his opponent's point of view, while at the same time I see that everyone has a willingness to learn something. Even if the critic has not yet correctly understood or overlooked some aspect of my reality, he is ready to find out at any time.

In accordance with my feeling, I would make this summary about constructive criticism: “With openness to strengthen what exists without destroying or disturbing it.”

How to better master this art is the theme of the book, a summary of which can be seen beginning with the section “Our Magical Relationship with Destructiveness (End State).”

I recognize a destructive critic when his written or spoken statements make me feel worse about myself. I feel like my energy and strength, my balance are leaving me and disappearing - into nothingness.

If I listen to him more consciously or read his review carefully, I find a condescending tone, a lot of generalizations and attacks. What exists is misunderstood by him and conveyed distortedly, it is not recognized or recognized, it is excluded, destroyed, deprived of dignity or devalued, in extreme cases, despised.

Current page: 1 (book has 16 pages total) [available reading passage: 9 pages]

Annotation

St. Petersburg: IG "Ves", 2011 - 320 pp.

Olaf Jacobsen

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

PREFACE

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

MAGIC FORMULA

AMAZING TRANSFORMATIONS DETERMINE OUR DAYS

OUR FEAR OF RAPID CHANGE CONTROLS THE PACE OF LIFE

THE MAGIC OF SUPERSENSITIVE PERCEPTION

ADVANCED PERCEPTION EXERCISE: DOUBLE BLIND

SCIENTIFIC PROOF OF UNIVERSAL RELATIONSHIP

Chapter 2. PARALLEL REALITIES

CAN WE FEEL TRUE REALITY?

EVERYONE LIVES IN THEIR OWN REALITY

WITH THE HELP OF OUR SENSES WE CAN RECOGNIZE THE ENERGY INFLUENCED ON US FROM THE WORLD AROUND

CAN I BE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT ALL THIS IS TRUE?

IS MY FEELING A PERCEPTION OR SELF-SUGGESTION?

WE CAN ONLY CHANGE OUR POINT OF VIEW, BUT NOT EMOTIONS

Chapter 3. CLARITY

HOW DOES THE PHENOMENON OF SUPERSENSITIVE PERCEPTION ARISE?

HOW DO WE EVEN PROVIDE OURSELVES TO SOMETHING?

REMEN OF CONSCIENCE WHEN ENDING A CONTACT

"I AM NO LONGER AT YOUR DISPOSAL"

THE DEEP MEANING OF THE PARTICLE “NOT”

CAUTION: RAPID AND EXTENSIVE CHANGES CAN BE DANGEROUS

Chapter 4. LIBERATION

THE DESIRE FOR CHANGE CONNECTS US WITH OTHERS

WHEN WE EXPLORE OUR FEELINGS, SOMETHING CHANGES

WE FREE OUR FEELINGS BY RIDING FROM UNCONSCIOUS STRESS

AWARENESS CREATES A FRAMEWORK IN WHICH MINDAL IMBALANCE DISSOLVES

I UNDERSTAND MYSELF BETTER THAN OTHERS

PROBLEM POSE – SOLUTION POSE

IS MY STRESS NOT MY OWN?

UNFULFILLED DESIRE FOR CHANGE AFFECTS EVERYONE

Chapter 5. NEW MODELS OF BEHAVIOR

OUR NATURAL PROCESS OF LEARNING AND LIBERATION

WE CAN ONLY HELP WHEN THEY WANT HELP

WE HAVE A CHOICE WHAT ROLE TO TAKE.

WHO REFLECTS WHOM?

CONCLUSIONS ABOUT OUR SUPERSENSITIVE POWERS

RESONANCE AND SUPERSENSITIVE PERCEPTION EVERYWHERE

Olaf Jacobsen

I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences when entering into a new relationship

Let this book support all readers in discovering more and more pieces of the puzzle and putting them together into one picture of a perfect Universe

Olaf Jacobsen is the founder of free systemic constellations, seminar leader and psychological consultant. He has published four books and numerous articles on the subject of liberation from internal problems. Olaf Jacobsen has always been convinced that there is some simple solution to get rid of many of the unpleasant emotions that arise in us every day or throughout our lives. And now, finally, he was able to find this magic formula. It sounds like this: “I no longer submit to you” or “I no longer submit myself to this.” How can this work? From this book you will learn that every person has the ability and predisposition to telepathy and empathy. You will learn how to correctly use the magic spell offered by the author to integrate it into any area of life and apply it to any situation. You can easily recognize and get rid of feelings of dependence, fear of loss, negative influence, sexual disharmony, feelings of inferiority.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Many people have played an important role in my life and encouraged me to experience a wide range of feelings and emotions, which in turn is reflected in this book. If it were not for the numerous authors of various scientific and psychological works and articles, as well as the teachers, experts and seminar leaders with whom I had the opportunity to communicate, I would not now be able to rely on this experience and form the train of thought that is presented here on the pages this book.

I thank my Jacqueline Schwindt for her deep insight into my feelings, for her experiences that influenced my views, and for her kind and constructive criticism in compiling the book.

My gratitude also extends to the seminar participants who inspired me with their experiences and life stories with numerous examples, as well as to the authors whose knowledge and wisdom I have the opportunity to quote.

Special thanks in this regard deserves Klaus Mücke, who in his book “Where there is danger, there is salvation” offers a treasury full of psychoactive sayings that served as the source of my work.

For valuable guidance I thank Maike Zimmermann (my sister by heart) and Monika Anna Mesner.

I thank Monika Jünemann and all the employees of the Windpferd publishing house for their compassionate participation and support. Lecturer Sylvia Lütjohann always believed in me. I sincerely thank you for this too.

In conclusion, I say thank you to the Universe for all the balance and imbalance, and for the fateful coincidences that allowed me to learn intensively in life.

PREFACE

Why exactly I got the task of writing this book, I don’t know. However, I see that it was my life path that led me to this. Maybe this is some kind of purpose?

Strictly speaking, what is purpose? Is there something that defines us as humans? Don't we have free will? What then is our experience that we label “free will”?

Undoubtedly, I am a person who consciously follows my own path. And yet, looking back, I notice every time that my decisions surprisingly coincide with the events around me. Could I have predicted this? Have I adapted to my surroundings? Or was it all just pure “synchronicity”?

The one who picked up this book made a similar decision himself. And at the same time, there was no other way: it had to be this way. Why and why - we will find out only later.

What about a decision like not belonging to something anymore? When we “want” it, it becomes our choice, which is gradually built into our lives. It develops to such an extent that it becomes a permanent part of our behavior. We make decisions freely, and then we find out that they surprisingly coincide with the world around us.

To all readers on their life path I wish for more synchronicity and exciting experiences. Let the course of things unfold gradually and form like a universal mosaic. May we, as pieces of this puzzle, achieve greater awareness and see how everything in the world interacts closely with each other.

Olaf Jacobsen,

Karlsruhe, July 2006

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

MAGIC FORMULA

Early this morning I drew a card. It was written on it: “The easiest path to the secret kingdom leads through the gates of acceptance.”

For me, Marcia Cina Mager's fairy cards are a priceless gift. Its formulations are easy to accept. They reveal my true feelings and relax the pressure of the mind, they give me answers that I can immediately relate to my question or current life situation.

However, sometimes in life it can be very difficult to accept something. I hear my inner voice, which pushes me to accept what I hear, read or experience and integrate this experience, but this is precisely what I cannot do. I remember people who told me: “Hey Olaf, you just need to accept it inside yourself, acknowledge what is, love yourself, develop unconditional love, don’t think about the future - live! Live now! It didn't help. I felt like I was missing something.

Deep down I was always convinced that there was some simple solution for such cases. I realized that we humans can very easily free ourselves from many unpleasant emotions. And now I was finally able to find this magic spell. It sounds like this: “I no longer submit to you,” or “I no longer submit myself to this.” At first, this proposal does not seem to radiate love and acceptance. It sounds like isolation, but it is a mistake. The effect of this phrase depends on the internal position with which we pronounce it. If we direct it against someone, then it has a bad effect on ourselves. However, it leads to the miracle of liberation if we express it for the benefit of all. As you read this book, you will learn how to properly use this spell to integrate it into any area of your life and apply it to any situation.

This magical formula works immediately and can be consumed without any additional knowledge. We simply say it out loud or mentally, and we already feel freer. How can this work? I have long observed and studied the phenomenon of telepathic sensations in family, or “systemic, constellations.” During this process, one can clearly feel that the surrogates (people acting in someone else's roles) experience the emotions of the person they are replacing. Among specialists this is called “representational perception”. I was able to understand that in our everyday life we often unintentionally play substitute roles in relation to other people and, in connection with this, slip into the perception of their feelings. We think these are our own feelings and want to get rid of them. We believe that something is wrong with us and fight with ourselves. Or we confront those people who caused these feelings in us, and we want to free ourselves from them.

Every day we go through a stressful role-playing game: between parents and children, superiors and subordinates, teachers and students, doctor and patients, coach and athletes, therapist and client, leader and seminar participants, conductor and musicians, in pairs, between colleagues, politicians, and also between two groups, for example , between two football teams.

From this book you will learn that every person has the ability and predisposition to telepathy and empathy.

The more conscious we become of how we perceive our feelings, the more clearly we will be able to understand them, and the easier it will be for us to deal with them. Feelings of dependence, fear of loss, negative influences, sexual disharmony, feelings of inferiority, burnout syndrome, rescuer syndrome, lack of energy, streaks of failure and even some illnesses and many other unpleasant roles can often be removed from ourselves by the attitude: we no longer put ourselves at their disposal . We have a choice and more often than we could imagine.

Using the instructions for use in the following chapters, you will learn a wonderful way to release negative feelings. It will become clear to you why and at what moments you can purposefully and effectively create “magic”. When you have this clarity, others will look at you with different eyes, many will react completely differently.

First, you yourself must learn to look at the world of emotions with new eyes. You yourself will expand your picture of the world to give the magic spell a suitable framework. To do this, some prerequisites must be met: if you want to learn a new picture of the world, you must “expose yourself” to the views expressed in this book. You must immerse yourself in this point of view, understand it, try it, become familiar with it... (“The easiest path to the secret kingdom leads through the gate of acceptance.”)

If you have taken this step, then you have the strength to make a choice. You feel the energy of choice and achieve clarity. You freely choose: to remain with the good old view of things and then say: “I am no longer provided with the point of view that I learned here,” or to recognize the value of new knowledge and accept it. You decide what will bring you more benefits. Perhaps you will choose a reasonable combination of both?

I am often cautious and distrustful when I learn something new. I observe and compare it with my feelings, my previous experiences and my current knowledge. I recommend that you take the same position. Consider carefully what I am suggesting here. Feel it, remain open and critical at the same time. At the same time, you accumulate new experiences - and one day magic may occur. You will be amazed!

When you read the book completely, become familiar with it, observe what changes. Remember what state you were in before you started reading. Compare your new feelings with previous sensations, compare your expanded picture of the world with the picture you had before, correlate your new capabilities with what you could do before, and you will clearly see the changes.

Walk with me a little through this Universe full of wonders. Open yourself to exploring the mysterious cosmos around us and within ourselves. Take your time, make sure that you are not under any stress at this time. The universe is so perfect that it will reproduce this stress. It’s like in Michael Ende’s “The Neverending Story”: “Little Bastian’s every wish was fulfilled exactly as he said it, even if he really meant something else.” Bärbel Mor, in her bestseller Orders from the Universe, talks about how unclearly expressed desires can lead to an undesirable form of fulfillment. Many people actively involved in spirituality affirm that the Universe reflects both our conscious and unconscious energy - "both within and without." Even science proves that the observed object is often reflected in the observer. Those who are afraid of something will receive confirmation of their fears, those who doubt will be confused, those who ask will receive appropriate answers, those who explore will gain an interesting experience. Why is this so? Walk with me the path of the explorer. Let's become consciously aware of our lives: we observe, we gain experience, we learn something, we form our beliefs, we doubt and observe again.

Let's understand this more deeply

At the end of each topic in this section you will find my additions and excerpts for a deeper understanding of the material covered, as well as quotes from other authors designed to inspire you and confirm the problem being discussed. Leave yourself time to think about this information so that its effect can calmly manifest itself in you, including at the level of feelings. If you read all the excerpts several times, you will be able to establish the corresponding neural connections in your brain and study their effect on you.

The effect of the statements presented in this book on people with serious psychological or emotional problems is unpredictable. The contents of the book and the recommended exercises cannot replace the attending physician or professional therapy. Physical or mental ailments that occur during or after exercise should not be ignored; they may indicate health problems that require specialist intervention to get rid of.

“Problems arise because people have long known what is good for them, but do not allow themselves to do it,” says Gunther Schmidt, MD, a specialist in psychotherapeutic medicine and director of the Milton Erickson Institute in Heidelberg.

If, when we feel a particular problem, we use the attitude: “I am no longer at your disposal,” saying it to ourselves or out loud, then something in our feelings may spontaneously change. A new view of the world sets the framework for this attitude, and gives us the associated clarity.

“In order to understand something, there must be created certain conditions. People always control what they already know and doubt what they don’t yet know,” write Ariel and Shya Kane, directors of the Instantaneous Transformation workshops, in their book The Secret of Miracle Relationships.

The more we know something, the more focused and successful we can be with it. We have a choice.

Pete Sanders writes in his book A Guide to ESP: “Many of your feelings are not really yours at all. It’s other people’s feelings that you perceive.”

Josephine wrote to me: “Since I made the constellation of my parents and myself (description of family constellations will come later), A lot has changed for me. I realized that I wanted to live my mother's life because she couldn't do it because of me. Therefore, I have always been in conflict with what I have achieved and what I really want. The consequence of this was a constant feeling of unhappiness. When I read your manuscript on Monday, I was wondering how I could frame this issue. Who within me determines what makes me happy? It was as if scales had fallen from my eyes. The wonderful phrase “I don’t belong here anymore” changed my feelings. Now I feel completely different inside – more harmonious, freer, I see different situations differently and can resolve them more safely, in accordance with my own nature.”

The Universe is a perfect mirror for those who know how to use it.

AMAZING TRANSFORMATIONS DETERMINE OUR DAYS

Some of the following incidents I experienced myself, some of them I read about, some were told to me.

In a cinema in Karlsruhe I stood on the parapet and looked down from six meters. There was a crowd of people on the sidewalk near the ticket office. I selected one person from the queue, concentrated on him and began to intensively observe his every movement. After a few minutes he began to look around restlessly. Finally, he looked up straight at me and met my eyes. Did this person sense that I was watching him?

Stephanie's phone rang. She immediately guessed who was on the other end of the line. When Stephanie picked up the phone, she heard exactly the person she was thinking about. Could she feel it?

Ten-year-old Cohen was visiting his grandparents for several days. On the last night he woke up with the distinct thought that his parrot had died. This thought never left him. When Cohen's parents picked him up and brought him home, he found his parrot dead, lying at the bottom of the cage. Could Cohen have sensed this? (You can read about such facts in the book “The Seventh Sense of Man” by Rupert Sheldrake.)

Some couples often experience this phenomenon - one says something that the other just thought, or they state the fact that they are thinking about the same thing at the same time. Both are sitting in the kitchen, the window is open. The husband thinks it would be good to close the window. Nothing was said, but the wife gets up and closes the window. Or: the wife begins to tell her thoughts about some film. The husband exclaims in surprise: “I was just thinking about this same movie!” Can they feel each other mutually?

Some time ago I was dating a woman, and one Sunday I suddenly felt a feeling of rage that prompted me to dial her phone number. I called just as she was making out with another man, as she later told me. Could I feel that she was internally moving away from me?

One day, while cycling around the city, I saw my friend walking ahead of me. She had not yet noticed me, so I wanted to surprise her and slowly began to approach her from behind. Suddenly, when I was already about twenty meters away, she turned around and looked straight at me. Did she feel that I was watching her? She later confirmed that a certain feeling of anxiety made her turn around.

Nurse Ute, during her evening rounds at the hospital, felt that she immediately needed to see a certain patient. When she entered the room, the patient, who was obviously feeling unwell, told her: “It’s good that you came, I just wanted to call you.” Could she feel it?

When I wrote the first draft of this book, I began to think about which publisher would be suitable for me and could publish it. I went to a bookstore and looked at books from various publishers. My feelings always pointed to the Windpferd publishing house. Authors tend to submit their manuscripts to several publishers at once and then see who is interested. I decided to send a request only to this publishing house. You see how it all ended. Could I have foreseen this?

In the systems constellation therapy group in Karlsruhe, Bernd's family situation had to be role-stratified. The goal was for Bernd to learn and understand something new about himself in order to solve his communication problems. The selected group members took on the roles of members of his family, without knowing them personally and without receiving any instructions or descriptions from Bernd. He actively watched what was happening. The surrogates communicated their related feelings and acted on them. Spontaneous dialogues arose. Bernd later confirmed with surprise that his real family members spoke and behaved very similarly. Did the substitutes feel what the real characters of the family members they were replacing were?

Thousands of professional therapists work with these sensory perceptions every day. Phenomena such as telepathy are described and analyzed in specialized literature. The Duden dictionary interprets telepathy as “far-sensing - the perception of the mental processes of another person without the participation of the senses.”

Rupert Sheldrake collected detailed research and reports from hundreds of people and published them in his books: The Seventh Sense of Animals and The Seventh Sense of Man. He is a biologist, a Fellow of the Royal Society in the UK, a former Associate Professor in Cell Biology at the University of Cambridge and a Visiting Professor at the Graduate Institute in Connecticut in the USA. He has achieved worldwide recognition for his research into collective intelligence and “morphic fields” (www.sheldrake.org).

Clemens Kuby, author of popular science books and director of many acclaimed documentaries, for example on reincarnation (“Living Buddha”), in his film “On the Road to Another Dimension” and in the book of the same name, noted, along with frequent quackery, also many miracles that he experienced during his trips to famous healers and shamans. The Kyuubi itself is already a great miracle, since it was inexplicably Healed from paralysis due to transverse lesions of the spinal cord.

Authors recognized by hundreds of thousands of readers such as the Dalai Lama (Nobel Peace Prize winner and author of The Path to Happiness), Dr. Joseph Murphy (The Power of Your Subconscious), Stephen Hawking (The World in a Nutshell), Bärbel Mohr (“Orders from the Universe”), Thorvald Detlefsen (“Fate as Chance”), Ken Wilber (“Eros, Cosmos, Logos”), Lao Tzu (“Tao Te Ching”), Eckhart Tolle (“The Power of Now” ), among other things, they write about the unity of the world and report on telepathic experiences and knowledge available to all living beings. These can only be explained by the unity of all things.

Joachim Bauer, professor of psychoneuroimmunology (author of Why I Feel What You Feel), talks about the existence of mirror neurons in the brain, which are responsible for the fact that we sense other (present) people through the phenomenon of resonance and thus can learn to maintain and develop these skills. These extremely curious brain cells were discovered by the famous international research group led by Italian scientist Giacomo Risolatti and brain researcher William Hutchison.

The film trilogy "The Matrix" caused a huge resonance among millions of people. It talks about the interconnectedness of all living beings. The three films evoke ideas about what can happen when this relationship is known, accepted, accurately studied, and manipulated for personal gain. After long struggle peace comes at the moment when main character story, Neo fully recognizes and accepts connection and unity with all people, that is, even with his worst enemy Agent Smith (“The easiest path to the secret kingdom leads through the gate of acceptance”).

When I watched the first part of the film in the cinema with my friend, I strongly identified with the main character. When the film ended, I left the theater with the feeling that I could influence my environment (the matrix). When we approached the car, which had a central door locking system, I mentally imagined myself opening the driver's door, but the other door remained closed. Indeed, this happened “accidentally”, because my friend “forgetfully”, while I was opening the car door, pulled the handle of her door and thereby interfered with the central locking mechanism. Thus, the second door remained closed.

Scientists and quantum physicists have long known about the phenomenon of interconnectedness of everything in the Universe. Christian Thomas Kohl, a political scientist, quotes experimental physicist Anton Zeilinger in his book Buddhism and Quantum Physics: “Named after its discoverers, the Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen paradox shows that two particles can be so strongly coupled to each other that the qualities of one particles influence the qualities of others and immediately entail their corresponding changes. This is true no matter how far apart these particles are from each other. Einstein called this process “ghostly remote action,” today this phenomenon is called “nonlocality.” If one thing changes, then the other changes with it. David Bohm (a student of Einstein), perhaps the most advanced quantum physicist, has developed a theory with which all unusual quantum phenomena can be fully described: “Thanks to quantum potential, an information field of some kind, and the implicit order of the Universe, everything is in close relationship with each other "

Dr. Stephen Wolinsky has developed a kind of synthesis of quantum physics and psychological/spiritual phenomena: the so-called quantum psychology. With its help, thousands of people every year learn how to purposefully help themselves. The basis here is the same deep understanding of the connectedness of all things and beings.

In 2006, an interesting American documentary about the principles of quantum physics, “The Power of Thought. What do we know about this? Independent film writers William Arntz, Betsy Chassey and Mark Wisant interviewed many recognized scientists, such as David Albert, professor and director of Columbia University (author of Quantum Mechanics and Experience), John Hagelin, professor and director of Maharishi University (over a hundred publications on quantum theory), Dr. Michael Ledwis, Professor at Irish Mainus College, etc. The idea of this film is that we must change our thinking and give a chance to emerge to a picture of a world where between all beings and all matter there is connection. In addition, the film shows that we are the creators of our Universe: the world in which we live is a mirror of our own ideas. This means that if we believe in a world in which everyone is separated from each other, then we live in such a world. If we believe in a telepathic connection, then we increasingly encounter phenomena that indicate the existence of this connection.

For this reason, at the very beginning of the book, I recommended that you not trust strange phenomena, but at the same time remain open to them and investigate them. The solution is not to overcome the doubts and unbelief that arise. I even recommend that you study these feelings and states in more detail. When we know what our doubt actually wants to tell us, then we understand it better, accept it and can do something about it. This makes us feel more confident. As we become more aware of these interactions between people, we become even more open to telepathic phenomena. Ultimately, we can feel in which areas of our lives we become freer when we are no longer at the disposal of any particular system or feelings. Other people's doubts affect us in the same way and control our feelings if we come into contact with them.

In "family constellations", which became famous throughout Germany and many other countries mainly through the therapeutic work of Bert Hellinger, hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world have experiences in which they can feel the emotions of another person, replacing him in the constellation. When someone participates in the arrangement as a substitute and represents an unknown person, this person feels as if by a wave of magic wand, other people's feelings arise. When the “substitute” reports his feelings, the person who ordered the arrangement confirms that this actually coincides with the behavior and emotions of the person being replaced. Critics of family constellations immediately change their minds when they experience this phenomenon themselves. It’s hard to imagine this without experiencing it personally. Therefore, I will propose one simple experiment later. Meanwhile, there are already the first scientific confirmations of this discovery, for example, in Peter Schleter’s work (2004) “Vertraute Sprache und ihre Entdeckung; Systemaufstellungen sind kein Zufallsprodukt – der empirische Nachweis” (“Familiar language and its discovery; system arrangements are not a random product – empirical proof”), or in research work Martin Kohlhauser and Friedrich Asländer (2005) “Organisationsaufstellungen evaluiert; Studie zur Wirksamkeit von Systemaufstellungen in Management und Beratung” (“Evaluation of organizational constellations; research into the effectiveness of system constellations in management and consulting”).

Olaf Jacobsen

I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences when entering into a new relationship

Let this book support all readers in discovering more and more pieces of the puzzle and putting them together into one picture of a perfect Universe

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I thank my Jacqueline Schwindt for her deep insight into my feelings, for her experiences that influenced my views, and for her kind and constructive criticism in compiling the book.

For valuable guidance I thank Maike Zimmermann (my sister by heart) and Monika Anna Mesner.

In conclusion, I say thank you to the Universe for all the balance and imbalance, and for the fateful coincidences that allowed me to learn intensively in life.

PREFACE

Why exactly I got the task of writing this book, I don’t know. However, I see that it was my life path that led me to this. Maybe this is some kind of purpose?

Strictly speaking, what is purpose? Is there something that defines us as humans? Don't we have free will? What then is our experience that we label “free will”?

The one who picked up this book made a similar decision himself. And at the same time, there was no other way: it had to be this way. Why and why - we will find out only later.

To all readers on their life's journey, I wish more synchronicity and exciting experiences. Let the course of things unfold gradually and form like a universal mosaic. May we, as pieces of this puzzle, achieve greater awareness and see how everything in the world interacts closely with each other.

Olaf Jacobsen,

Karlsruhe, July 2006

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

Early this morning I drew a card. It was written on it: “The easiest path to the secret kingdom leads through the gates of acceptance.”

Every day we experience intense role-play: between parents and children, bosses and subordinates, teachers and students, doctors and patients, coaches and athletes, therapists and clients, leaders and seminar participants, conductors and musicians, in pairs, between colleagues, politicians, and also between two groups, for example between two football teams.

Olaf Jacobsen

I no longer obey you. How to get rid of negative emotions and experiences when entering into a new relationship

Let this book support all readers in discovering more and more pieces of the puzzle and putting them together into one picture of a perfect Universe

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I thank my Jacqueline Schwindt for her deep insight into my feelings, for her experiences that influenced my views, and for her kind and constructive criticism in compiling the book.

For valuable guidance I thank Maike Zimmermann (my sister by heart) and Monika Anna Mesner.

In conclusion, I say thank you to the Universe for all the balance and imbalance, and for the fateful coincidences that allowed me to learn intensively in life.

PREFACE

Why exactly I got the task of writing this book, I don’t know. However, I see that it was my life path that led me to this. Maybe this is some kind of purpose?

Strictly speaking, what is purpose? Is there something that defines us as humans? Don't we have free will? What then is our experience that we label “free will”?

The one who picked up this book made a similar decision himself. And at the same time, there was no other way: it had to be this way. Why and why - we will find out only later.

Olaf Jacobsen,

Karlsruhe, July 2006

Chapter 1. INCREDIBLE

MAGIC FORMULA

Early this morning I drew a card. It was written on it: “The easiest path to the secret kingdom leads through the gates of acceptance.”

Current page: 1 (book has 23 pages total) [available reading passage: 16 pages]

Olaf Jacobsen
I no longer obey you. Consequences. Balance of criticism and love

Ich stehe nicht mehr zur Verfügung. Die Folgen. Mit Kritik ausgeglichen und liebevoll umgehen

Published in 20011 under license from Windpferd Verlagsgesellschaft mbH, 87561, Obertsdorf, Germany, with the assistance of Mediana Agency, Russia.

Chapter 1
Magic look

Review

It's great to have you here!

Welcome to my personal reality.

The previous book ended with the words:

“What I have described here is my reality. What is yours?”

It's the same here. You will be able to immerse yourself in my reality and look at the world and yourself in it - through my personal glasses. True, this time it’s a little different.

To begin, I will immediately provide an overview of the main topics. This will allow you to determine whether you will even read this book and whether you actually want to try on my glasses.

Let me offer you a little instruction on how to read this book correctly.

The publication of the previous book in 2007 resulted in not only reader enthusiasm, but also criticism, and in most cases destructive. Constructive was extremely rare.

A constructive critic looks at everything in detail, can accurately justify his point, explain a logical connection, or tell me about the experience that lies behind his reality.

In accordance with my feeling, I would make this summary about constructive criticism: “With openness to strengthen what exists without destroying or disturbing it.”

How to better master this art is the theme of the book, a summary of which can be seen beginning with the section “Our Magical Relationship with Destructiveness (End State).”

I think there is nothing more to say about this. We are all familiar with this. And in this book we'll talk a little about something else.

We decide not to give ourselves over to a particular situation anymore. At the same time, we finally begin to feel better. It is at this point that our decision is destructively criticized by another person, attacked or devalued. The consequences that we often have to face are the feeling that our internal energy, revealed after this decision, is again vibrating within us.

We can transfer this to all other decisions and actions by which we bring something good to ourselves. Imagine you finally achieved a long-desired goal, found a solution, or made a liberating decision. You're happy, you feel great, you're having fun, you're enjoying life - and now you have to feel how other people react to this... with criticism. Negative assessments make most of us feel bad. This hurts us deeply. However, is such abuse really “normal”?

For many years I have been looking for a solution to the question of how a person who is the target of destructive criticism can avoid self-destruction. I was prompted by a situation—I will describe it later—that gave me a new perspective by asking myself, “How do I feel when I am at the disposal of my ideal self?” And it worked. Suddenly I felt balanced. But, unfortunately, not for long. Something in me kept returning to the old – familiar – train of thought. However, a few weeks after this, another discovery led to a breakthrough: I saw a logical connection behind the destructiveness, which I will also talk about a little later. I saw destructiveness in a whole new perspective—it was a “magical” view—and was able to finally free myself by learning to avoid being hurt by destructive criticism. This new angle of vision obscures everything previous! What turned out to be new to me, I wrote down in the list below under points 6 and 7. This list contains all possible options behaviors that I was able to observe in my own experience when exposed to destructive criticism, including new opportunities. In the following paragraphs I will tell you about everything in more detail.

How can I behave when faced with a destructive critic?

1. I get defensive and start criticizing in response.

2. I strive to explain myself.

3. I admit that those who criticize me are right.

4. I am constructive - in quality feedback- I offer him an observation of how I perceive him at the moment and how I feel about myself.

5. I no longer expose myself to this process.

6. I am left to my ideal self.

7. I use the “magic” gaze and fantasize about what the person criticizing me might actually want.

And now a few additions:

To points 1–4 (I assume that these forms of communication are known to you from everyday life, but despite this, in the following chapters I will give you some interesting recommendations on this matter);

To point 5 (in the section “What wonderful things happened before” I will briefly repeat the most important topics from the first book "I no longer obey you");

To point 6 (the concept of “ideal self” means the ideal that you yourself would like to be; you can replace it with other definitions: “higher self”, “my wise superconsciousness”, “God”, “wise Universe”, “someone “, understanding and loving” you and so on - the main thing that is meant by this “something” is the highest, ideal; thus, you feel understood, accompanied, loved and protected, you feel safe, I will reveal the concept of the ideal in; Chapter 3 and at the conclusion of the book I will make a generalization);

To point 7 (I will deal with this topic in the next section, but here I will add only a couple of words).

In critical situations, children internally build a fantasy world in which they feel better. Adults also carry within themselves a reality that does not coincide with reality. Many scientific findings prove how differently we humans view the world. The testimony of witnesses to accidents varies, the memory of subjects can be manipulated, optical illusion dominates our everyday life, and, in essence, no person has a single chance of perceiving “reality” as it is. We create only internal casts of reality, thus forming our own reality. Why not deliberately invent a particularly useful fantasy world right away? An invulnerable world is a world in which we have the freedom to color it according to our feelings. This may be a constructive fantasy world that fulfills the following conditions.

Target.

Integration. Our constructive fantasy world integrates everything that we have already thought, known, and perceived in our reality until now. That is, this is not brainwashing, in which certain aspects are obscured, and it does not serve to “break away”, but to expand our reality, to make it even more extensive, because it is built on what already exists!

Understanding. We enjoy the feeling of being able to experience moments of understanding through the power of mutual adjustment.

Openness. We ourselves feel more inspired and creative, and therefore more capable of invention, than before. And as a result - more cheerful and open.

Equilibrium. In our constructive fantasy world we feel better than in our previous reality.

If we now look at the destructive critic and think about him, we certainly don't "know" how he feels or why he does what he does, and so I recommend classifying our assumptions about him as "part of our personal world." fantasies."

In this fantasy world, I imagine that deep down the destructive critic has a completely different message than the one he conveys to me in words. In fact, the critic tells me: “I treat you now the same way other people treated me before. They offended me deeply. But until now I have not yet met anyone who could show me how to behave differently - freely and clearly. Show me! Be careful: I'm playing an angry guy, and you can show me what I can do to break this image and change. Help me!

In my fantasy, the destructive critic is so focused on seeking clarification that he can barely discern who is willing to make themselves available to him and who is not, who can really help him and who is not. He demands this from everyone he meets and reminds him a little of the offense. To actually be able to play this evil and abusive role, he must project the earlier offensive situation to him - currently, through his fixed "brain maps" (see Chapter 2). Now he himself plays the role of the offender and projects onto one of us the role of the “flawed” one, which he himself once had to live. So he is trying to retroactively stage a situation that once hurt him in the past, with our participation. That's why he sees something different in what we do and say, he misunderstands us, and that's why we don't have the feeling that he really sees us. Of course, if we wish, we ourselves can learn to understand him by consciously observing what exactly he projects in the present and where he unconsciously seeks clarification.

Many people have been in this search for so long that they have become accustomed to it. Finding and playing the role of the “offender” could already become a moment of balance for them, and each clarification would cause some imbalance. However, I believe that deep down these people are constantly striving for balance.

Problems are staged until they finally receive a true solution.

For this reason, the destructive critic in my fantasy always has additional information for your interlocutor. He says: “And if you can’t cope with my behavior and pretend that everything is fine, this indicates that you yourself have a problem. You need to deal with this first.

If you figure this out, you will also show me how I can solve my problem. However, at the same time, it is important for me that I achieve clarity on my own - without your control or expectation.”

The greatest peace we humans can experience is coming to terms with our own deep pain of loss. This is how I see it in my fantasy. If we have been able to fully come to terms with our pain of loss, then with all our loving hearts we look at the world, at all people and at ourselves, and feel a deep connection in our entire being: "Yes. It is what it is."

From this emerges for me four fundamental opportunities to move towards clarity in moments of crisis.

1. The destructive critic lives with an unresolved old loss of connection and projects it onto his environment. Here I can learn to understand him if I interpret his unconscious message correctly. Perhaps he is also ready and able to tell me more about the reasons for his behavior. To do this I need to ask him questions.

2. The destructive critic lacks information/perspective or ability. Here I can support him.

3. I myself live with an unresolved old loss of connection and project it onto my environment. I can become aware of it again, release the pain or transform it into clarity, and thereby come to terms with my loss.

4. I myself lack information/perspective or ability. This is something I can learn.

If these four possibilities are summarized, we can conclude:

We achieve further balance either when we accurately understand the reasons for the current imbalance, or when we master new information or abilities.

If we are faced with dire consequences or have problems in our relationships with other people or with ourselves, we can always focus on the question:

“What's missing? Information, ability or understanding?

A principled answer to this might be a view of universal interconnectedness (Chapter 3).

When I fully understood points 6 and 7 and their implications and dived into these possibilities, I felt a sense of peace. In my own openness and balance, I felt the impulse to write a book dissolve and disappear. Nothing more needed to be clarified, nothing more needed to be done. Like this.

“Write exactly about this.”

Constructive fantasy world

Now I live in Cologne (this is Ossendorf), a couple of hundred meters from the Coloneum, where many television programs are created, including the show "Big Brother". When I jog in the morning, I run past the building in which this show put twelve people in one apartment, “stuffed” with video cameras - they are everywhere: behind the mirrors, on the ceilings. Many television viewers diligently watch what is happening in this apartment, where volunteer film participants live in isolation from the outside world; they must somehow communicate with each other for seven months, carry out instructions Big Brother, submitting to the judgment of the audience, by whose decision every two weeks someone is expelled from the apartment. The goal of participating in the show is to receive two hundred and fifty thousand euros at the end of the show. Of course, the winner can only be one person - the public's favorite, who will live in an apartment with video cameras until the very - victorious - end; viewers will not vote against him.

Both the territorial proximity to this public community of residents and the topic I am working on in this book led me to actively observe on television how the residents of the show apartment criticized each other and how they dealt with criticism in their own lives. address yourself. In the first weeks, I was shocked by the problem that we know from the game “broken phone”: Sabrina shares her opinion with Iris about Cora’s behavior. Later, Iris retells to Cora, in her own interpretation, what Sabrina said. Cora is offended. If you compare the frames on the film that recorded Sabrina’s words, and the frames where Iris conveys what she heard to Cora, the differences will be very noticeable! Sabrina's facial expressions and intonation suggest that she did not mean anything bad and was not criticizing Cora; she was only communicating her point of view. However, Iris introduces her own intonations into Sabrina’s words, and therefore the initial information is distorted and transformed from neutral to criticism. The girl cannot literally convey or quote what was said, and Cora, of course, is offended - precisely because of this; Thus, she is stimulated to develop a strong opinion that Sabrina has a negative attitude towards her.

This can be observed often, if not constantly, in this program: one claims about the other that he is “fake” and is only playing “good”, but in fact he is planning something bad. Now I can understand this well. Because if Cora, in direct contact, saw how friendly Sabrina was acting towards her, and compared it with what Iris said about Sabrina, she would see a big difference. First of all, this is explained by the fact that Sabrina is attributed to “fake” behavior: when communicating with Cora, she is hypocritical and behaves in a friendly way, but “in reality” this hides her negative attitude towards Cora.

Very often, one participant in the show tells another what someone else said or did. Because of this, many misunderstandings, reproaches and resentments arise. However, even without this phenomenon of a damaged phone, tenants attribute insincerity to their neighbors. And when someone starts to get angry or swear, it immediately indicates that they have “finally shown their ‘true’ colors.”

Here again I find a phenomenon that we humans very often encounter in everyday life: we draw a negative image of our interlocutor and believe this picture more than what he himself tells us about himself. And he feels misunderstood by us, feels that he is being attacked, and begins to defend himself.

How often do we hear some celebrity complaining about the press spreading lies! The newspaper published something and presented readers with an image of this celebrity, which the celebrity herself could not confirm. Thus, the public person begins to feel that he is misunderstood, and sometimes because of this he perceives the publication as an attack on himself.

I have known this feeling of being misunderstood since childhood. Sometimes things happened to me that I didn’t want at all. My mother, observing this, attributed evil intentions to me and punished me accordingly. The phrase “I didn’t mean to!”, which I shouted during the punishment, still rings in my ears.

In 2008, I was puzzled by what some reviewers were writing online about my first book, " I no longer obey you". They thought that they were correctly conveying part of the material in the book from their memory, and then they evaluated what they themselves wrote. At the same time, I discovered that they present the material distortedly and incorrectly, paint a completely different picture and evaluate it in conclusion. I could agree with this assessment if I had actually written such a book with such content. For me, both the presentation of the content and the image of the book (or its parts) that the reviewers created for themselves seemed incorrect. The following phrase would be most appropriate here: “I didn’t write this!”

The more I looked at pictures of the world, scientific studies of the functions of our brains and psychological reference books, the clearer it became to me: we humans do nothing other than constantly develop mirages. Scientists, for the most part, also try to personally interpret the results of their research. The famous brain researcher, Nobel Prize winner Eric Kandel in his interview with Welt Online said on this matter: “What we call consciousness is always subjective” and “A person can be convinced of a theory, but when later he has more information or other information about the known until the picture of his ideas changes, as does his idea and belief. That's what's amazing about science. She constantly moves on - it’s an endless search.”

Every person tries to understand the world around him. We try to communicate to other people what we think we understand. It is not always self-evident that we get the same picture. We attach a certain personal interpretation to everything we experience. Our everyday life is riddled with misunderstandings and illusions. And therefore, our brain diligently strives to create in itself the most useful and perfect reflection of reality and communicate it to others, so that we, as humanity, can exist in this world in the most optimal way and more often strive for a common goal.

Meanwhile, we know: no one is able to perceive reality one hundred percent exactly as it is. Each person is the creator of his own mirage. Some mirages function well and allow us to live happily in the world, others not so well and make us suffer.

Neurologist V. S. Ramachandran confirms: “Our brain is a virtual reality production machine.”

The American philosopher Ken Wilber applies this image directly to science: “Natural science in itself is not knowledge about the world, but only an interpretation of the world, therefore it has the same reality - no more and no less - as fine arts and poetry."

So, why don’t we immediately change tactics and decide to consciously invent our personal world - the world of fantasy - and construct it within ourselves, recognizing that it is our fantasy?

We no longer say the glass is half empty, we say it is half full. We no longer get angry over misunderstandings, but rather assume that we will be misunderstood anyway, or that we ourselves will misunderstand someone, and rejoice in moments of apparent understanding. We no longer live with the idea that we perceive reality, and gradually discover that we cannot perceive it at all - on the contrary, as a “starting point” we have the idea that we live in ideas, that is, in fantasies, and gradually, through our power of imagination, we approach reality. However, we will probably never be able to claim that we have achieved it, that we fully know the “real” reality.

“Fantasy” in our usage means the power of imagination or mirage. The concept of “fantasy” as a replacement for the concept of “personal reality” at first seems somewhat childish, so to speak, but this is a deliberate step, as will become clear from further reading of the book.

I propose that the intentionally constructed fantasy world be aligned with the following conditions: purpose, integration, understanding, openness, balance.

Target. The purpose of our constructive fantasy world is to constantly evolve to be in the greatest possible resonance with our surroundings and at the same time benefit ourselves.

Integration. Our constructive fantasy world integrates everything that we have ever thought, known and perceived in our reality until now. This is not brainwashing where certain aspects are obscured. Integration does not serve to “break away”, but to expand our reality, to make it even more extensive. It builds on what already exists!

Understanding. Understanding allows us to enjoy what we experience at this moment - the moment of understanding - a feeling that is impossible without the ability and skill of mutual adjustment.

Openness. Openness allows us to feel like a creative person, capable of insights. And - as a result - it gives joy.

Equilibrium. Balance allows us to feel more secure in our constructive fantasy world than in our previous reality.

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