A 9 month old child is not allowed to do anything. What to do if the child does not want to do anything. So how can we revive the joy of wishing

Doesn't want to study. Doesn't want to help around the house. The child is not interested in anything and does nothing! Unfortunately, this situation is familiar to many parents. What are the reasons for children's laziness and how to deal with it - we will look at it in today's article.

Causes of children's laziness

1. Incorrect parental behavior: overprotectiveness
There are many reasons for children's laziness. However, the most important of them are based on the incorrect behavior of parents. Think about how often you have seized the initiative: “You’re still small, I’ll clean everything up myself!”, “Don’t touch, otherwise you’ll ruin it!”, “Don’t take the cup, you’ll break it!” In such situations, parents simply deprive the child of initiative and do not allow him to do anything, assuming that they themselves can handle it faster. In this case, the child may completely lose the desire to strive for independence: why, if they still won’t allow it or will be called “inept”?

2. Features of temperament
When considering whether your child is lazy or not, do not forget to consider assessing his temperament. Maybe he is choleric or sanguine. Then it becomes clear why he is not given work that requires concentration and perseverance. Rather, it will be performed by a concentrated phlegmatic or melancholic person. However, guys with these types of temperament will have difficulty completing tasks that require quick reaction and active communication.

3. Boredom
Laziness can also be caused by simple boredom. Children are always very active: they need to constantly run around, come up with something and throw out their energy somewhere. If parents or teachers constantly force them to sit quietly and not disturb, then cheerful and inquisitive children turn into sad and lacking initiative.

Sometimes there are situations when a child cannot throw out his energy at school and, coming home, wants to run around and play enough, but parents instead force him to do boring things - for example, cleaning his room.

4. Misunderstanding: why do this?
Sometimes children simply do not understand why it is necessary to perform this or that action. Why collect toys if tomorrow you need to get them out again? Why make your bed in the morning if you need to sleep in it again in the evening? This happens when parents simply demand that the child maintain order, but do not explain why this is important.

5. Disinterest
Often a child does not want to take on this or that task, since it is simply not interesting to him. Parents need to be given motivation, arouse the desire to take up any activity, and outline its goal. Then children will strive to achieve final result, and he, in turn, will bring them pleasure.

6. Fear of failure
Perhaps the child does not take on something because he is simply afraid of failure. For example, he doesn’t want to learn a poem because last time he read it unsuccessfully in class and was “rewarded” with ridicule from his classmates. The problem here is self-doubt, probably even low self-esteem.

How to deal with childhood laziness

If your child is lazy, you should think about how to correct the situation.

Don't forget that children absorb everything that their parents do and say, so first of all. If instead of preparing dinner, you order pizza at home, leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight, replace an evening walk with “sitting” at the computer or watching TV, and instead of morning exercises, laze in bed for an extra twenty minutes - the child is simply following your example! Do you need change your own behavior so that your child looked up to you.

Encourage your child's independence and remember that excessive care only harms him. Nothing bad will happen if a child does not sweep the floor as cleanly as you would, or breaks one cup from the set while arranging them in the sideboard. This is not a problem or a tragedy!

Don't punish with forced labor (“For disobedience, you will wash the dishes today!”, “If you haven’t done your homework, go clean your room!”). Such penalties will cause an aversion to any work and an absolute reluctance to work. And the reluctance to work, in turn, will give rise to laziness.

Give your child small tasks more often , just do it not in an orderly tone, but in the form of a request. This way the child will feel that you trust him - this will increase his self-esteem. Don’t swear if something doesn’t work out the first time; it’s better to explain in a calm and friendly tone how everything can be fixed.

Schedule your household chores for all family members and teach your child to adhere to it, assign him several feasible activities. But don’t forget to follow the schedule yourself! Otherwise, watching you, the child will one day say that he doesn’t want to put his things away today and will do it tomorrow because he’s tired.

Monitor your child's routine. Remember that in addition to homework and running errands around the house, he should walk, play and fully relax (however, pay attention that the child does not abuse such “lazy” leisure time as watching TV and spending time at the computer). If a child’s sleep, rest and work patterns are constantly changing, then his biorhythms are also disrupted, and this provokes health problems and the appearance of a bad mood.

Always encourage your child to help you. Remember that laziness develops precisely when you forbid him to do something. Do household chores with your child and always remember to praise him for his help.

“If you do what you don’t want for a long time, then you won’t want to do what you want.”

Losing contact with your desires is a dangerous symptom. This is the threshold of depression, loss of meaning in life and suicidal thoughts. In a healthy case, we do not want anything when we have just fulfilled our desire, achieved our goal and are enjoying the aftertaste. The result of this is joy. The joy of natural pauses between events. But when there is no joy, no desires, no enthusiasm to live, then something needs to be done about it. If you do nothing about it, your health will begin to actively deteriorate.

How to find contact with yourself

• 5 Points that set you up for productive work with yourself
• 5 steps to revive contact with desires

Energy is given to a person for desires and goals. And if so, then de-energization due to loss of contact with oneself is a natural process leading to suppression of metabolic processes and disruption of bodily health.

The collapse of health can be seen as the body's last attempt to give you meaning. Treatment in order to restore the health of a body whose owner does not know why to live is a thankless and therefore ineffective task. We have cases of “miraculous healing” from the most terrible diseases, and if we look closely at the basis of this “miracle”, then we will always find a new meaning in the healed person, for the sake of which he chose to live and be healthy.

The meaning of “being treated” is fundamentally not an interest in the phenomena of life, but a fear of death, and this, you see, is not the most pleasant feeling.

So how can we rekindle the joy of desire?

Let's first look at what losing contact with desires looks like.

If you at least partially agree with this picture described below, then you should read this article to the end.

Look, your friends are traveling and rejoicing. You go to any network, people brag about their achievements, purchases, gifts, creativity, children, display all sorts of colorful photos about the big and small joys of life. If you look at this and catch yourself that despite being happy for them, or irritated or envious (which are two sides of the same coin), you are sad... You sigh, realizing that you don’t want any of this. You look at couples smiling cheerfully at you from photographs, you look at their “kisses”, family celebrations, friendly gatherings and you catch yourself not wanting any of this. What then?

Something needs to be done about this, and most importantly, something can be done about it, because this tendency not only leads to decreased activity, but is also the most common reason for gaining excess weight. And experiencing yourself not in the best shape leads to a loss of enthusiasm, and this, in turn, is the most common reason lack of personal relationships.

Man is a unique creature, the only living creature that can die long before death. And even having lost all the clues and threads connecting him with living life and, in fact, having died in his soul, he continues to exist as long as his biological clock is ticking and the body’s time has not yet expired.

Getting back in touch with your desires is actually easier than it seems. For an effective process of restoring contact with your desires, you need to familiarize yourself with the following five points that precede the technique of returning to yourself. It is the understanding of these five points that is the key to the productive use of the technique itself to regain creative inspiration, enthusiasm, desires and joy of life!

5 Points that set you up for productive work with yourself:

1. Admit that there is a problem.

2. Accept that in order to solve it, he will need to focus on what he usually does not devote time to, considering it unimportant.

3. Be prepared to regularly shift your focus from peripheral matters to yourself until it becomes a habit.

4. It is important for a person to realize that the matter of primary importance is himself. He has it.

5. Agree that when he is in good shape spiritually and mentally, all the processes of his life and all his loved ones benefit.

There is a proven technology for bringing passion back to life.

Observing leaders, successful monarchs, as well as restless figures, shows that they treat themselves differently in everyday life.

The study of how people who were proactive and open to life grew up and were brought up, and what made them so resourceful, allowed me to develop a technology that was tested in psychological practice and led to remarkable results.

5 steps to revive contact with desires:

1. Put aside great meanings, big goals and all sorts of “shoulds”, if possible completely. Focus on your smallest whims. For example: Are you sitting comfortably while reading this article? And if you think about it, feel into your body? Maybe you want to straighten or bend your leg, or maybe you want to get up and make yourself some coffee? Should I go out into the fresh air or go to the toilet? It's good if you take a break now and can do something you want, but it seems unimportant to be distracted.

Why are we doing this? Answer: we rehabilitate contact with ourselves, return ourselves to the here and now. To return to yourself, it’s enough to ask yourself, “what do I want right now?” Sometimes these desires are even smaller, such as: straightening your hair, scratching yourself, or transferring your body weight to another half of your butt. Our goal at this point is to start pampering ourselves like a little beloved child. Every 10 minutes ask yourself “what do I want now.” And find something that you can do right now.

2. Start giving yourself small gifts that are pleasant to the touch and make you happy. And most importantly, they should be almost completely meaningless. There shouldn’t be many such items given to yourself; it can be one item, for example, a plush, rubber or natural stone; maybe a fun ballpoint pen.

Assign this item as an ally in returning your contact with yourself and always carry it nearby, hold it in your hands when you are sad. It tactilely returns your presence to the body, and the body lives its true needs in the present moment. A thing is an ally, just like a rosary or an amulet, unlike useful servant things, does not necessarily have a meaning, and this is important! True friends are also not used, but the joy that communication with them gives us is worth a lot and sometimes priceless.

3. Start fixing your gaze on beauty as you understand it. Let yourself be drawn in by contemplating the beauty. Find it in nature or creativity. Pay attention to details - bulges, dents, play, lines, color combinations. Breathe it in and catch the joy in your heart. You feel a smile begin to light up your face - remember yourself like this. Remember yourself physically in this emotion.

4. Give yourself permission to touch surfaces that catch your attention. Allow yourself to feel with your fingertips how something that looks funny was done. Do this whenever possible public places, if it does not harm anyone and feel the happiness of permission, returning to yourself the state of a child - impulsive, inquisitive, and most importantly successful “I want - I do - I receive - I am happy.”

Experience the fact that you can afford more than you think you can. Kings were not raised like mere mortals. At a tender age, the son of the monarch was allowed everything. And in such a field, the child grows up confident, clear and curious. It is such a person who feels not only his desires, but also world trends. Contact with our whims cultivates vitality in us, makes us more proactive, powerful, lively and happy.

5. Touch people with words. Of course, we are not talking about criticism, we are talking about compliments and simply expressing thoughts out loud. Just as with objects of the surrounding world, here you will need to pay attention to the clothing, appearance, qualities and behavior of a person.

If you notice something that your gaze lingers on, compliment the person, just like a child: “You have such a beautiful clasp, such an unusual eye color...”. Even if you don’t know each other at all (if it’s difficult with strangers, start with friends). When meeting with friends, remember that you have a task: to compliment people, tell your observations about them and pay attention to details, to personality traits (kindness, humor, unexpectedness of judgments) and return to the person or friend what you think and feel about it .

It is important (!) to understand that when reading the points written above, even if it seems to you that you already do some of these points periodically, even if you catch yourself thinking “I already know all this,” start following these recommendations.

It will be great if you get yourself a notebook and write down your fresh thoughts, describe unusual situations, or sudden insights.

It will be great if you set yourself an alarm clock so that it rings you several times several times (4-10) a day and wakes you up, returning your attention to yourself.

If you declare yourself a “hunt for yourself”: If you perform the above practices and record your trophies in a notebook, you will not only be reborn, having found yourself in the most amazing state that all spiritual adepts are looking for, “presence in the here and now,” but you will additionally “kill two birds with one stone” - you will regain your desires and you will become very interesting people for others. And what follows after this, I think you can guess for yourself. Happy Hunting!

Natalia Valitskaya

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! © econet

The child is 2 years old. Very capricious from birth. The further you go, the worse it gets. Very bad behavior. Everyone was screaming and hysterical.
It’s not like the mother asked to do something and the child did it. Everything has to be overcome. And now I have already exhausted the methods of overcoming this.
The child does not give in to either persuasion or threats. He will scream until victory if he doesn’t want to do anything. And he doesn’t want to do much, especially when you ask.
As a result, I start for health - Kitten, let's get dressed (for example), or try on a jacket, or any other action. Doesn't hear. Immediately he starts yelling, waving his arms, saying no, yelling. Then I hold on for now, try to continue gently, then try to offer something in return (now we’ll do this, and then we’ll play this, or give him his favorite cookies or something else) - this usually works when he’s in a relatively good mood. And if a groundless hysteria has begun, then it doesn’t work. Then I try something else. THEN I can’t stand it anymore and start screaming - come on, get dressed. Sometimes, oddly enough, it works.
But I don’t want to communicate like that, and I’m getting all nervous. But it doesn’t work differently. Why? It can run into absolutely anything, you can’t predict it. Today he can do it normally, but tomorrow he will go broke.

Familiar... Now my son is 2 years old. 7 months It became much easier. So be patient, this is the period you are in. The main thing now is to behave correctly - screaming and threats are not an option. Otherwise, then screams and threats will come from the child (children are a copy of the behavior of their parents - I have been convinced a hundred times from my own experience). Distract, switch... If something is not fundamental, don’t insist... I know it’s difficult, but all this is temporary... Nowadays, sometimes I don’t recognize my son, he becomes accommodating... If he screams, he calms down quickly ...I wish you patience!

I’m trying to distract myself, my mouth won’t close anyway. But this is not always possible. Even I would say, rarely.
We basically have two options for behavior - either good-natured, when he does everything that is needed, and there is no need to ask, there is no need to distract too much. But this is very rare.
And irritated and capricious, when at least sing, at least dance, if you initially said no, then he will put pressure on his own and yell, scream, bend over, etc., until he brings me to a breakdown, if this is still necessary.

And for this we need to build adequate ideas about what is necessary and obligatory, what is possible and what is not possible. Form the rules by which the family lives.
What situations are you talking about? You have to get dressed and go to the garden - it means you have to, and we dress in any way, but if you dress quickly, you can watch a cartoon in the morning.
Distracting and switching is not education... I've never done that.

We don't go to the garden yet.
And the option “if you...., then you can get this...” - I wrote that at this moment it does not work.
It only happens when the child, on the whole, is not in the mood to be very capricious, just a little bit for formality. And when he hears something pleasant to the ear, he agrees.
And there are moments, of which the majority, that begins to scream like a victim, and does not allow anything to be done - neither dress him, nor try on something. The same thing can happen on the street. For example, his gaze fell on the stairs, where grown-up boys were now playing. In fact, he doesn’t really need her, but his gaze has already dropped. I noticed this, and I’m trying to unobtrusively - oh, let’s go for a ride on the swings or something like that, hoping that he’ll get distracted and go. But no. No swings are needed anymore, he is rushing like a tank up this slide-staircase, which is clearly not for his age, and he will be in the way of older children there. And I really don’t know what to do in such situations. You start to somehow forcefully pull him away - shouting at the entire site. You start to gently and gently persuade him - he doesn’t even listen, he shows that he’s going there.
Also with any item at home. There it lies, no one needs it. Suddenly my gaze fell on him again - that’s it, take it out and put it down. And nothing is nice to him anymore. ALTHOUGH he could be standing dressed for a walk in the corridor, in good mood let's say. That's it, there are screams and shouts. This kind of behavior is terribly annoying.

I would venture to suggest that the baby likes the very process of bringing his mother into hysterics... the first psychological experiments, so to speak, are carried out by our youngest daughter, a girl of a similar type of character: she bends the lungs of everyone who bends. Mom fought like this: until my request was fulfilled, she did not allow me to do anything at all. Those. if I said to go wash my hands, then the child can move only towards the bathroom without deviating one step from the route. I won’t drag you by the hand or forcefully wash you. I will be a barrier to any other path or activity, I will be a parrot, but my daughter will go to the bath herself. Yes, it happened that she screamed, rolled on the floor and bit, tried to hit, cried until she sobbed... my mother consoled me and again sent me to wash my hands. After some time, we developed the habit of listening to mother’s requests... it took about two months. The age from one and a half to less than two was VERY difficult. The main weapons: calmness, persistence and reasonable organization of the daily routine/space to avoid unnecessary prohibitions.

Because you shouldn’t try to put something on or try it on for a child who doesn’t want it. What needlessness?
Why can't I go up the hill? You’re nearby - help - insure. It will be in the way - don’t care - the common area.
If there is a minimal opportunity to do as the child wants, you have to do it. And give the object. PROHIBITIONS - only what is REALLY forbidden.
There is no need to fight with a child. The child needs to give in wherever possible. And then when you need it, the child will understand.

Well, for example, I see that the older children got on the carousel and are riding very fast. Even if mine sits down, I am against such a fast swing. And those children are not going to skate slower because of us. There were already my requests to them at one time. Accordingly, I explain that now the kids are rocking, they rock very quickly, but you like it slowly - and then we’ll go. That's it, he doesn't hear anything - that's it.
Well, I just can’t put it all into words. There are a lot of moments when, for various reasons, it is undesirable to do something, go somewhere, etc. And I don’t understand why the child absolutely does not react to normal, friendly speech.
I already give in a lot of places. It’s better that I put something away later, wipe it off, the main thing is to keep it busy for a while. But there are things that I already foresee, how events will develop, and I know that now if I give this item, then we will go out for a walk in half an hour at best, and the child is already dressed, etc. And we need to go get another child.
Well, that is, there must be some order anyway. And the child does not respond at all to requests and demands...

Well, I have a feeling that it is. But why does he do this, if even though I get hysterical, but if I need it, I’ll still force him to do something. It would only be possible to do this peacefully, or it could be done through screams... That is. In this case, he still doesn’t get his way more often than not. We still do it “my way,” but only through screaming and hysterics.

Your first, probably?))) Once every 2 years you endow him with such adult qualities))))) At 2 years old, a child cannot help but obey, because... he doesn’t even distinguish between how it’s done and how it’s not done. In short, until the age of 4, you should not be concerned at all with his desire/not desire to get dressed, tidy up, etc. (what else do you think he MUST UNDERSTAND). And when you say out loud, “let’s put on my pants,” it’s not so that he will sit down and stretch out your legs, it’s so that he understands that my mother is now putting on my pants (and not feeding me porridge, for example). In short, calm down, he’s still just a baby. Until the age of 4, you can relax and just do what needs to be done without waiting for the child’s understanding/consent - in in a good way, Certainly.

your message made me smile

So I am concerned about his desire/unwillingness to dress, etc. because I'm tired of doing all this through resistance and shouting. Therefore, I don’t understand why such simple things need to be done this way.
But in most cases he goes to breakfast himself, I don’t force him. And accordingly, there is no reason to swear, etc.
And with everything else - it’s just some kind of trouble... Stubborn, stubborn.

Well, from what you write, you treat a child like a dog) which can be distracted with a bone)
About the carousel - let's stand next to you and wait. Now they will spin around, then it will be our turn.
“I already give in a lot of places. It’s better that I put something away later, wipe it off, the main thing is to keep busy for a while.” -super simple. As long as he doesn’t bother me)
The child does not react because you are inconsistent. Today you allow, tomorrow you forbid. Order should be first of all in your head. Just imagine - you are raising a person, not a dog. He lives every minute - you don’t need to distract him constantly.

Well, that’s what I do with the carousel. I say - now they will ride, then we will. I wrote the same thing. All this time he will stand near the carousel and yell.

Well, perhaps I didn’t express myself entirely accurately. I meant that I try not to limit his activities just because I’m too lazy to clean up later, for example, so I don’t let him play with water, paints, etc. at home. On the contrary, if you want, please play. And then I'll clean it up. Well, to get distracted for a while - also yes, why not. I write that the child is very emotional, to put it mildly, from birth. And it happens that yes, I get emotionally tired from his constant screaming, even benevolent ones. He expresses his emotions very loudly, both positive and negative. But I need to do something, and sometimes I just want at least a couple of minutes of silence.

Well, just write to me - what is the inconsistency, for example, with the carousel. Maybe I really don't see something.
If she is free, we always go for a ride without question. If other kids are skating there slowly, again we come up and join. If adult children are skating fast there, then I start saying that now they, then us. And even if we approach the carousels, I still don’t let him go on them, but we stand there looking and yelling. And when they are released and he sits down, then usually they are no longer needed. It comes off in a minute. And he sees new goal, for example, a double swing, which is also occupied at this moment... And all over again.

Now, re-read yourself...Your attitude towards your child is strange...It feels like the child’s desires are completely unnecessary for you - just for him to fall behind.
And so, for a minute, if a child wants to swing, you must do everything to make it happen, even if it’s for a minute. He should see that you are FOR him and not against him. I understand, he got you.. But for now you are like this treat him, he will continue to resist..

damn, what's so strange? Well, why don’t we need desires?
I’m ready to roll him for one minute, which is exactly what I do. But if adult children swing like that, should I disperse them to satisfy his desire? I’m asking about this... I’m explaining that right now it’s impossible, but when they leave, it will be possible.

Yes, this is just one example. And there is a lot of such behavior. Even to comb his hair in the morning - there has been so much yelling, he still walks around with disheveled hair.

He's a boy - cut his hair and there won't be a problem.
PS, by the way, if they’ve been skating for a long time, it’s quite possible to ask to give in for a while.
Well, a child should not obey. A child is a person - he must make decisions. This is what we should strive for, and not obedience - give it, bring it, go away. Well, what kind of life is this for a child?

cut it, if only under anesthesia, or need to be held by five people.
Okay, apparently we're talking about slightly different things.
I'm not against personality, desires, etc. But you need to have some kind of framework, and if mom says - wait - wait, and not roar throughout the entire playground.
Now I'm interested in cats. Now putting on a diaper is a whole problem. He looks for the picture of a cat on the diaper, but doesn’t put another one on. At least you'll kill yourself, if not the cat screams and runs out of the room. I’ve already chosen all the cats from the pack, but they’re not limitless, are they? Now there are other animals left - no, give me the cats. Again you have to put it on with a fight.

I understand you very much. I have such a child. From birth he is very demanding, capricious, and also expresses his emotions very violently. Even in the maternity hospital they told me that the boy was noticeable. At 2 years old everything was the same, I also started topics here, I was sometimes in despair. BUT time has passed, now it’s 3 and a half, and this is a different person. I just outgrew this state. He is still emotional, very sociable, but these constant quirks are gone. I began to think more and everything improved by itself. And one more thing - the introduction of time outs helped me with him, it was as if he even respected me, recognized my authority.

I did this. “Kitten, let’s get dressed,” if he doesn’t get dressed, he will be shoved into clothes.
It is useless to breed Susi-Pusi, they do not work in such cases. Just insist on your actions.

I'll add more. It seems to me that with such children, distraction methods are also very effective. Our nanny was very calm, good-natured, and affectionate. So she always knew how to distract him, and she told me that at this age this is the best way. I didn’t know how to use this method so masterfully, and the child behaved a little differently with me. As a result, I realized that we need clear boundaries (our time-outs gave this feeling to the child) and methods of distraction. Well, time works for you, he will simply enter his mind and understand that he often acts to his own detriment. It will be easier to come to an agreement. Good luck!

can’t, but definitely won’t like it. We tried it once, but a second later I screamed to take it off. In addition, he does not always hold on well, and may even let go of his hands. Somehow I don’t feel like experimenting.
And he clearly doesn’t belong there. There, older children rode standing, half-running, etc.

damn, do you really need to provide the parameters? well, okay, it may not be stairs, but a mini-football field, where, again, on our playground, older children play football with a ball, and he immediately needs to go there.
And it’s not about not going to the same site. We go to different ones. The point is that such situations occur every day and in different places and situations. Those. it is impossible to predict. As they say, the rope got in the way and that’s it... That’s the same for him.

Well, I immediately wrote that I was tired of this situation of “being shoved into clothes”, “forcibly taken away”, etc.
It turns out that all our communication is structured this way.
I want it to be normal, so that after “kitten, let’s get dressed, let’s leave here, etc.” - there was some effect.
And the “kitten” often does not react at all to these phrases. But when you shout, you get excited, sometimes you can leave/get dressed, etc.

My question initially was: how to dress it? But how to dress him so that there are no screams and nerves?!

I don't want to live. constant loneliness. health problems. family quarrels every day. I am not allowed to do anything or say my own way.
everyone has friends, acquaintances, support if necessary - but I have no one. except maybe a dog. but he can’t tell me anything, he just looks at me from the side when I start having another hysteria. I hit myself and cry. Once again I beat myself up for these tears and my weakness. again and again. then I calm down, but I’m terribly disgusted with the state I was in a couple of minutes ago and with myself. and I start crying again, choking, choking on tears.
no more strength.
Even with antidepressants, I'm not any better.
how to stop? how to start enjoying at least what you have?
Support the site:

Sofia, age: 18 / 05/23/2016

Responses:

Hello. Sophia, make plans for the future. You can already begin to separate from parental care, work, live separately. But for this you need to be responsible, reason calmly, and control your emotions. Talk more, tears and screams will not solve anything. Drink soothing teas with herbs and honey. I wish you health and strength!

Irina, age: 28 / 05/23/2016

Hello, Sophia!
At the end of the letter, you wrote the right thought “start to enjoy at least what you have” - but how - try to immediately remember the plus for every minus - yes - at first it will not be easy, you will forget, but then you will get used to it.
Now it’s spring and reasons for joy can be found much easier - just go for a walk in the nearest park and admire the flowers, listen to the birds singing.
And turn to God - He is always there and will help you - just ask! When it’s especially bad, pray more often a simple short prayer to the Mother of God (you can also silently): “Mother of God
Virgin, rejoice, blessed Mary, the Lord is with you; Blessed are You among women and blessed is the fruit of Your womb, for You have given birth to the Savior of our souls."
Happiness to you and your Guardian Angel!

Mikhail, age: 46 / 05/23/2016

Sonechka, you have these tears and hysterics not from weakness, but from nervous tension. Why beat yourself at the same time to create another circle of tension? Even if you can’t speak, you can think “in your own way.” Keep yourself a secret diary and write everything you want. And dogs also worry and react to all the intonations of their owner.

Tatyana, age: 42 / 05/24/2016

Sonechka, first of all, you shouldn’t beat yourself under any circumstances. You should try to do something nice for yourself). Don’t frighten your beloved dog, and at the same time yourself. I’m sure that even if everything is difficult for you at the moment (bad relationships with parents, a difficult age, your nerves are on edge), you still have something to be happy about. Yes, at first it will not be easy to stop seeing the world in gray and black colors, but try. If you need to talk it out, there is a free helpline for teenagers .In general, you need to slowly grow up, and then scandals between your parents will no longer traumatize your psyche as much, and you will have more friends.

Polina, age: 31 / 05/25/2016

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26.02.2020 I've been thinking about suicide since the summer. At school I hardly communicate with anyone. My parents treat me well, but I still have a feeling that they don’t need me.

25.02.2020 And I’m alone in this world again, no one needs me... I just want to fall asleep, knowing that only darkness awaits me.

25.02.2020 I'm starting to despair. They don't even hire a seller. My son should go to school soon, and my wife is disabled. If it gets worse, I'm afraid to commit suicide.

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And the only thing you do with pleasure is sit in front of the TV all day, hugging some high-calorie “yummy.” Extra folds appear on your stomach, but you won’t find extra clean socks in the house.

If you don’t pull yourself together in time, getting out of this state without outside help will be very difficult.

What should I do? Identify the symptoms of the disease in a timely manner and try to prevent the infection from spreading throughout the body.

While watching the news, I came across an article from Lifehacker.com about what to do when you don’t feel like doing anything. That is, when motivation has disappeared and even in order to, you need a kick. I can’t say that I am in such a situation, but sad thoughts began to visit me more and more often. And this doesn't necessarily apply to work. This may apply to home life, sports, and a once-favorite hobby.

And if you can survive cooled feelings for your favorite hobby and this will not have any particularly unpleasant consequences, then with work and personal life things are much more serious. This is where you really need to take action.

So, there may be several reasons for loss of motivation. And solutions, accordingly, too.

Social exclusion

An experiment was conducted at one of the universities: students were asked to write on pieces of paper the names of those people from the group with whom they would like to work. And then, ignoring what was written, one part was told that they had been chosen, and the second - that no one wanted to deal with them.

As a result, the “outcasts” stopped monitoring their behavior and...

If you restrain yourself and behave according to the rules, then you should receive some kind of reward for this. Social, of course. And if you adapt to those around you, but they still don’t want to deal with you, then why take care of yourself and change your behavior?

The conclusion is obvious and logical. In addition, the hands of students who were supposedly not chosen by anyone were more likely than others to reach for a jar of sweets. Thus they tried to take a bitter pill.

Other studies have shown:

When you feel rejected by the world, you can't solve puzzles, you become difficult to work with, and your motivation level drops to zero.

All you can do is engage in self-destruction: drink, smoke or indulge in sweets. You lose control of yourself and literally lose yourself.

Ignoring physical needs

According to another study, feelings of lack of motivation may arise due to... Typically, people who are up to their necks in work rarely eat right. Lunches at fast foods or snacks on dry sandwiches and office cookies, a hearty late dinner, and breakfast is skipped by default.

The scientists carried out their experiments in court over a period of 10 months. As a result, before lunch, judges gave suspended sentences to only 20% of the accused, while at the hearings immediately after lunch break the percentage of lucky people increased to 60%. Before lunch, the judges' blood sugar levels were low, which had an impact on their thought processes and emotional state.

That is, the problem in this case is not mental suffering, but a banal lack of sugar in the blood. Baking makes you feel better. Does mustard make you sad? ;)

The burden of responsibility for making decisions

Motivation problems can also arise due to the burden of responsibility for making decisions. Moreover, these can be both vital decisions and the most banal “what to buy for dinner.”

Sometimes these small everyday decisions add up a lot, and as a result, your nerves get lost and you start making irrational decisions.

For example, you start buying things without much need.

This condition is different from physical fatigue. You may experience a lack of mental energy, while your physical condition is fine. And the more decisions (important or simple) you need to make during the day, the more tired you will feel.

How to deal with this?

If you feel ignored and don't want to deal with you, the best way out- talk to this person (group of people) and find out what exactly is stopping you. There may be a misunderstanding that can be resolved in a matter of seconds. Sometimes the problem is much deeper and needs to be worked on. And sometimes you just come across people with whom you are incompatible, and there is nothing you can do about it.

The only way out is change the environment. In any case, we need to talk. Without asking a question, you will never know the answer. It is better to know that you are truly disliked than to be in the dark and constantly guess.

In the second case, the solution is trivial - just start take care of yourself and eat normally. As soon as you stop skipping breakfast, your mood will improve.

And in the third option you need to try at least once make your own “decision-making schedule for the day” and leave at least two windows in it for relaxation. When you know what and when you will need to decide, it becomes less burdensome.

In any case, you need to look for a way out of the situation. And, of course, everyone has their own.

If I find it difficult to determine whether I want to do something or whether I am satisfied with the work in the form in which it is now, I try to clear my head and at least on the weekends. Sometimes this is quite enough for a surge of energy and optimism.

Sometimes it happens that just starting to tell someone about your work, you suddenly realize that it is really interesting and you really like it. I don’t know if reverse causation works here, but you can’t talk with fire in your eyes about what’s boring. So you're just tired and all you need is just rest a little.

And finally, the last thing. All people are selfish by nature and, accordingly, I do not know a single person who would not be flattered by praise. Of course, praising yourself isn't all that great. But if I hear sincere praise from a stranger, I understand that I am doing what I like, and at the same time helping others. Therefore, if you see that a person is trying and succeeding, don't skimp on praise. Maybe you are just saving someone from losing motivation.